Thread by @OSPyoutube

All right my dudes I'm in the mood for a cheesy fantasy/sci-fi movie and I have no lower limit for acceptable quality, any suggestions? -R

Oh wow that ballooned fast, you guys really know your cheesy fantasy movies. Okay narrowing down to the most popular recommendations I haven't already watched, what are we feeling? -R

I gotta stop giving you guys meme options and expecting any other result to win. Okay it's Cage time I guess -R

hmmm, the premise of "morgana and veronica are sharing a body" is okay but it seems like willingly getting yourself possessed by an evil sorceress isn't really "saving" ANYONE from said sorceress but whatevs -R

the Prime Merlinian
the PRIME MERLINIAN
are you SERIOUS
-R

this kid is drawing on bus windows with a sharpie like some kind of monster -R

oh nooooo the paper with the "be my girlfriend" note is flying awaaaaaay -R

every time a movie sets itself in nyc and then has their hero run down an alley, anyone who's been to nyc shakes their head smugly and adds it to the list of "movies that don't realize nyc has no alleys and that's why there's trash everywhere" -R

"okay kid I just gave you an artifact of incredible power, don't move or touch anything while I leave you unsupervised in my magic shop full of stuff including a jar full of bad guys. byeeeeeeee" -a good decision from a very wise sorcerer -R

ahhh yes, no greater nightmare for a ten-year-old than the ridicule of his classmates. probably much more scarring than the whole wizard duel chosen one thing -R

WAIT THIS NERD IS HICCUP I THOUGHT HE SOUNDED FAMILIAR -R

"becky barnes". can't unhear the winter soldierness of it now -R

someday, mid-2000s teenage romcom hijinks will actually physically kill me -R

I feel like… the long hair and trenchcoat look would really work if they were on someone who wasn't Nic Cage -R

wolves just got turned into adorable puppies and nic cage flew in on a giant metal eagle, this movie might actually be a really good time -R

"Do you have any idea what my life is been like for last 10 years?"
"I've been stuck in an urn for the last 10 years."
-R

I feel like the only problem I have with Dave is that he's kind of in a constant state of mild nervous breakdown which means his voice never becomes more or less expressive no matter what's happening, and someone vaguely going "aaaaah" while outrunning a wolf is a bit eh -R

"You've heard how people use only 10% of their brains?"
if this sentence is not immediately followed by "well that statistic is bullshit, we're just magic because we're magic" I'm out
"Sorcerers use the ENTIRE power of-"

guys this movie's really funny -R

dave half-heartedly clapping along with the pedestrians who think the magic bad guy is part of a show and going "yeah, I'm one of them!" is top-tier refusal of the call -R

*magic belt-buckle dragon is chasing dave*
dave:

okay this enormous folding book is hilarious. this movie has so many good urban fantasy ideas -R

wait is cage wearing knit arm warmers over his shirt. who designed this costume -R

stop 👏 explaining 👏 magic 👏 with 👏 dumb 👏 science

cage and I are on the same page about this dumb romantic subplot and how unnecessary it is -R

"Are you stalking me?"
"Not in a THREATENING way!"
girl get outta there

"You better run back to your girlfriend!"
"You thought she was my girlfriend? Really, is - is that the vibe you got?"
honestly the dialogue writing in this movie is really good and it understands that the best way to choreograph a fight scene is to let people talk during it
-R

see dave, cage has his own romantic subplot, but he's keep it a SUBplot. A few tragic hints, a lost piece of jewelry, a mournful glance - none of these "adorable" awkward hijinks eating up the screentime -R

is this whole fight going to happen without dave washing his hands. gross -R

okay this highly dramatic goth twink antagonist is my new favorite character. I love it when villains help heroes troubleshoot their own powers mid-fight -R

WAIT THE BAD GUY IS DOC OCK ISN'T IT -R

I feel like mid 2000s movies suffered from a very specific problem where the opening narration would concisely explain the entire premise and then halfway through the protagonist would demand an explanation of the premise. Just tell us when the hero learns it! -R

o boy it's time for the obligatory animated mop scene -R

HEY MOVIE WANNA EXPLAIN HOW THE ANIMATED SPONGES ARE WORKING BY "VIBRATING MOLECULES" -R

oh boy, two thirds of the way through the movie, time for the heroes to have a falling-out -R

"I'm gonna refuse the call SO HARD"
"hey dave"
"just kidding time to show off my magic to my girlfriend"

oh my mistake I assumed he was going to do a romantic night flight thing, no magic showing-off yet

oh boy, another villain motivated by a crippling case of Nice Guy Syndrome cuz the girl he liked went with the more expensive actor

ah, the inherent hilarity of setting a high-speed car chase in NYC, a city where the typical prevailing traffic travels at negative five miles per hour

cage's romantic subplot is so much more compelling than dave's, get on his level scrublord -R

NOOOOO HE STOLE THE GOTH TWINK'S MAGIC HOW COULD YOU HE WAS SO CAMP

oooooh this creepy little girl is so spooky, and FUCK HE STOLE HER MAGIC TOO HORVATH IS THE WOOOOOOORST

does he also steal the other 90% of their brain or what

did everyone forget that dave is the chosen one who's destined to be able to do magic without his ring because it feels like everyone's treating his stolen ring like the worst-case scenario

the most unrealistic part of this movie is that new york is never this empty at any hour of the night

heyyyyy becky gets to confront her fears and play an active role in the finale, that's pretty nuts for a mid-2000s love interest in an action movie

also guys the soundtrack is actually really good

whoof, this dead-mages-reanimating scene is also really good n creepy

ohhhhh woooow he can do magic without a riiiiiiiing who could have predicted thiiiiiiis

oh yay he beat morgan but oh no balthazar is totally dead aww

magical defibrillation, a frustrating constant in fantasy settings. also is it just me or has veronica not done… anything… since she got unfused from the villain

"but balthazar your heart was stopped for several minutes you must have suffered brain damage"
"nah nah don't worry it was in the extra 90% only sorcerers can use"

cool cool cool movie's over but literally all I wanna know is what happened to the twink is he okay -R

this movie is fun in the moment but makes less and less sense the more you think about it, which is honestly fine. It could have maybe used a two-minute epilogue showing the romantic subplot happy endings and what happened to the bad guys but also EH -R