The latest Mayor Pete birther joke debacle reminds me of the "Has Justine Landed Yet" incident, and admittedly mistakes I also had to learn not to make 20 years ago.
I didn't have language for it until Ta-nehisi Coates put it this way:
It's not our joke.
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I didn't have language for it until Ta-nehisi Coates put it this way:
It's not our joke.
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White people might think we are signalling our allyship by piling onto mockery of racists, validating the complaints of the black community, and sometimes it's okay, but there's a line - the line between criticizing the offenders and reinforcing the original aggression.
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Audience and context matter too. Justine's friends and peers knew what she meant and how she meant it, but it didn't matter to the Twitter audience at large. She lost her job and ended up just staying in Africa I think.
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For what little it may matter, Justine didn't try to defend herself. She didn't say, "That's not what I meant! You took it the wrong way! I'm on your side!" or any of the other white feminist go-to protests.
During an interview years later she said, "I am not Chris Rock."
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During an interview years later she said, "I am not Chris Rock."
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We've all seen Michael Scott imitating Chris Rock stand up, a cringe-inducing demonstration of the same point.
Leave that type of commentary to Chris Rock. When white people say it, it's awkward at best. At worst, it's insensitive and mean.
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Leave that type of commentary to Chris Rock. When white people say it, it's awkward at best. At worst, it's insensitive and mean.
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I exist in a space, both professionally and personally, where race and racism are discussed openly.
But my comfort-level and familiarity with racial justice issues and language can be easily misinterpreted by strangers, both black and white.
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But my comfort-level and familiarity with racial justice issues and language can be easily misinterpreted by strangers, both black and white.
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This is something I had to learn.
In activism, it's called, "Step up, step back." There are times where white people should chime in. There are many times when white people should lead the charge.
But there are many times where we need to step back.
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In activism, it's called, "Step up, step back." There are times where white people should chime in. There are many times when white people should lead the charge.
But there are many times where we need to step back.
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I hesitated to write this thread. I've been warned by people I know have my best interest at heart that talking about mistakes I made might not go over well. That I shouldn't make it about me.
And it's not about me. But it is about the movement and helping white people grow.
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And it's not about me. But it is about the movement and helping white people grow.
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I wish I didn't have to rely on friends to reign me in.
I wish I could get it right every time.
I wish white people were born with full understanding of racial issues, or at least with the instinct to figure it out.
But there are things we have to learn. And sadly, unlearn.
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I wish I could get it right every time.
I wish white people were born with full understanding of racial issues, or at least with the instinct to figure it out.
But there are things we have to learn. And sadly, unlearn.
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First lesson is, don't defend yourself. It's not your call. If someone is offended, they are offended, and you should apologize. If you step on someone's foot, you apologize. Of course you didn't mean to, but you still apologize. You don't blame them for being in your way.
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Mayor Pete, and his campaign, made that fatal error. "It's not racist. He's on your side. Obama did it too so what's the big deal?"
The only correct response was: "I made a mistake that I deeply regret." Perhaps followed up with, "I didn't understand, but I do now."
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The only correct response was: "I made a mistake that I deeply regret." Perhaps followed up with, "I didn't understand, but I do now."
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I don't get it right every time. I was recently corrected, quite gently, by someone I admire and trust.
I was sure she was wrong. I felt misunderstood. Even offended.
I'm embarrassed to say I broke all the rules I just outlined. I defended myself.
And I was wrong.
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I was sure she was wrong. I felt misunderstood. Even offended.
I'm embarrassed to say I broke all the rules I just outlined. I defended myself.
And I was wrong.
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A month later, someone I didn't know lodged the same complaint. I was even more confused. Isn't that what I said? Why were my words being taken the opposite way than I intended?
It doesn't matter. It's not what we mean, it's what someone else hears.
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It doesn't matter. It's not what we mean, it's what someone else hears.
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I reached out to the original friend, hoping she wasn't too disgusted with me. "I'm so sorry I have to ask, but I need help. What am I missing? What am I doing wrong?"
She was gracious, and patient, and talked me through it again. And finally I understood.
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She was gracious, and patient, and talked me through it again. And finally I understood.
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I'm tearing up a little writing this. I'm deeply ashamed my first instinct was to push back, to react in a way I've criticized so many other white people for.
I am grateful that she took time to correct me. I'm so happy she thought I was worth it. I'm very sorry she had to.
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I am grateful that she took time to correct me. I'm so happy she thought I was worth it. I'm very sorry she had to.
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It needed to happen. If I'm going to speak out about racial justice, I need to get it right.
Being called out is good. It's how we grow.
Ideally it should be white people calling out each other. The burden of educating about race shouldn't always fall on black people.
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Being called out is good. It's how we grow.
Ideally it should be white people calling out each other. The burden of educating about race shouldn't always fall on black people.
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The proper response is, "Thank you for correcting me." Perhaps followed by, "Can you elaborate?" or "That's what I thought I said. How can I express myself more clearly?"
It doesn't matter if you were misinterpreted. The burden is on you to make yourself understood.
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It doesn't matter if you were misinterpreted. The burden is on you to make yourself understood.
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If you don't understand, ask someone to walk you through it. Respectfully.
Do NOT call on other black people in your life to tell you what you said or did wasn't racist. Instead, try asking them why it was, so you can avoid doing it again.
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Do NOT call on other black people in your life to tell you what you said or did wasn't racist. Instead, try asking them why it was, so you can avoid doing it again.
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If you don't have anyone in life* with whom you can comfortably talk about race, start with Twitter. I think you'll find Twitter activists firm but forgiving when someone is open-minded and well-intentioned.
*And maybe think about why that is, and how you can change it.
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*And maybe think about why that is, and how you can change it.
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I know not everyone is going to like this thread, but I've been thinking about this for awhile, and it was time.
I'm blessed to be surrounded by people I can trust to reign me in when I need it. I welcome any other feedback as well. There is always room to grow.
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I'm blessed to be surrounded by people I can trust to reign me in when I need it. I welcome any other feedback as well. There is always room to grow.
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👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
Five hours later, I have two observations:
First, I learned people have not forgiven Justine Sacco. Not saying they should, but it's noteworthy and serves to underscore my point:
The context of her background and her intention ultimately made no difference.
It was not her joke
First, I learned people have not forgiven Justine Sacco. Not saying they should, but it's noteworthy and serves to underscore my point:
The context of her background and her intention ultimately made no difference.
It was not her joke
Second, I find it fascinating that this tweet was the controversial one. It sparked a mini-discussion about the obligation to apologize, and how, and when, and why.
I almost fell into the trap of saying I was misunderstood. I'm glad I stopped to listen.
I almost fell into the trap of saying I was misunderstood. I'm glad I stopped to listen.
My first dissent.
Frankly, I wasn't expecting this thread to go over as well as it did.
There are always going to be a few who take issue.
Frankly, I wasn't expecting this thread to go over as well as it did.
There are always going to be a few who take issue.
Here's my response:
