Hello, my name is Kristin and I have never seen a single Star War.
After learning some incredible facts about moisture farming from @jowrotethis I’ve decided to watch every movie over the span of one week beginning with the original trilogy.
After learning some incredible facts about moisture farming from @jowrotethis I’ve decided to watch every movie over the span of one week beginning with the original trilogy.
Things I know so far:
- Luke is a moisture farmer
- Leia is Luke’s sister but it was weird for a minute
- Darth is Annakin and he was mostly bad but his small head saved Luke in the end, oh and Luke is his son
- Yoda
- R2D2 and C3PO are robots
- Siths are bad
- Luke is a moisture farmer
- Leia is Luke’s sister but it was weird for a minute
- Darth is Annakin and he was mostly bad but his small head saved Luke in the end, oh and Luke is his son
- Yoda
- R2D2 and C3PO are robots
- Siths are bad
- There are many planets and they have different eco systems
- Chewy makes funny noises
- Storm Troopers exist. I forget if they are good or bad but p sure they are bad
- Death Stars are very big and where siths hang out
- Chewy makes funny noises
- Storm Troopers exist. I forget if they are good or bad but p sure they are bad
- Death Stars are very big and where siths hang out
- Natalie Portman is Darth’s mom and also a princess and also a senator aka badass
- Han Solo is a cute punk
- Obi One Kinobi (?) is important
- Leia has a son named Ben and Ben was like “fuck that name I’m with grandpa and my name is Kylo, fuckers” and then blam he was bad
- Han Solo is a cute punk
- Obi One Kinobi (?) is important
- Leia has a son named Ben and Ben was like “fuck that name I’m with grandpa and my name is Kylo, fuckers” and then blam he was bad
- Ewoks
- Porgs
- Light sabers
- I’m worrying Storm Troopers might be good, v torn on that one
- Rey is bisexual*
*I want Rey to be bisexual**
**Based only on knowing she has cool boots and is a badass***
***Which if you ask me is PLENTY reason
- Porgs
- Light sabers
- I’m worrying Storm Troopers might be good, v torn on that one
- Rey is bisexual*
*I want Rey to be bisexual**
**Based only on knowing she has cool boots and is a badass***
***Which if you ask me is PLENTY reason
Okay, see you in 15 minutes when I start Episode IV (do you call them episodes?) and def mute this thread if you hate stars or wars or yodas, and don’t be up in here if you’re gonna be mean I AM HERE TO ENJOY THE FORCE GODDAMMIT.
(Wait maybe Natalie Portman was Darth’s wife. I guess I’ll find out in time.)
Okay I’m pretty sure the white suited guys are Storm Troopers so it seems they are BAD since they are up in this spaceship blowing it up with lasers also I am sorry but C3PO have a lil C3PO FRIEND on this ship?! Is his C17PO?!
OH SHIT DARTH VADER IS ALREADY HERE?!
I want to tell you that there has been only a handful of bleeps and bloops and I’m fairly certain I’d lay down my life for R2D2
Leia is like lolololol you stupid mouth breather your plans are on a royal floppy disk in the bleep bloop robot byyyyeeeeeee
Update: Sam LOVES the robots 
Y’all. Storm Troopers ride...
DINOSAURS?!?!?!
DINOSAURS?!?!?!
Oh god R2 got to say with C3PO oh god they love each other oh no
Luke sure does whine a lot
Omg OBI ONE is here and I can finally say that teacher in My So-Called Life did a *great* job with her Halloween costume!!!!
GUYS OBI ONE GAVE LUKE HIS DAD’S LIGHT SABER!!!! R2D2 is taking a nap.
Ohhhhhhh I’ve just been informed it’s Obiwan. Not, um. Obi ONE.
Obi-wan explaining this whole thing to Luke is literally identical to @jowrotethis explaining it all to me on @StormPodcast
OH NO NOT AUNT BERU
Did every queer woman who watched Star Wars long for Luke’s car thingy like I currently do, seems like a great lesbian ride if you ask me
Omg it just got Monsters Inc up in here this has gotta be where we get Chewy
I KNEW IT
Based on first impressions I think Chewy and Obi-wan had a past romance. You don’t stand at a bar with your friend and look at them like that unless you’ve once been their SPECIAL friend.
HELLO HAN SOLO
How long do we think it takes Chewy to blow dry his hair so nicely. Do we ever learn his routine? Don’t tell me.
Okay for sure my favorite scene so far is when Obi-Wan is like “oh dear something horrible seems to have happened,” and in response Chewy and the robots keep playing monster hologram chess and Han is like *pushes hair back* and Luke keeps using his light saber like a Yo-Yo
Ohhhhh shit so Han Solo is our Scully
I repeat:
Yo not for nothing but this Death Star thing is PRETTY COOL
Something I also enjoy is how Darth is like GRRR IM BAD but really he’s like “in my soul I feel, this feeling, I think my best friend might... be here on the ship.”
Han Solo in a rubber turtleneck > Hans Solo not in a rubber turtleneck
Oh no Luke has found Leia
SOMEBODY HAS TO SAVE OUR SKINS she said yeah yeah yeah
Chewy gives me strong Hodor vibes
AHHHHhahahahahaahaha the eyeball peek on that garbage water eel really got me
I can’t believe Han and Leia’s first sparks fly in a garbage compactor
Has anyone mentioned to Luke that he should, maybe, use the force
OH SHIT OBI WAN AND DARTH
HE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR YOU OBI
KIIIIISSSSSS
HE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR YOU OBI
KIIIIISSSSSS
What?!?! WHERE DID OBI-WAN GO?! Does a lightsaber make you disappear?!?!?
Can the force make you jump through time and space?!?!
Where. Is. Old. Ben.
Where. Is. Old. Ben.
Leia: “They’re tracking us.”
Han: “Not this ship, sister.”
Luke: “Did someone say sister? 😏”
Han: “Not this ship, sister.”
Luke: “Did someone say sister? 😏”
R2s little head sticking up out of the back of the fighter jet!!!
OH SNAP THEY BLEW UP THE DEATH STAR
Darth is just spinning out there where’s he even gonna go?!
C3PO WANTS TO DONATE HIS GEARS TO HELP R2 😭
Wow what a jacket Luke... Why didn’t Chewy get to go shopping before the ceremony?!
Yes, sure, they defeated the Death Star but also R2 SURVIVED so everyone can breathe now. Phewf.
Well. I did it. I watched my first Star War! AND I LOVED IT if you couldn’t tell.
Tomorrow I am going to watch both Empire Strikes Back AND Return of the Jedi so ...get ready?!
Things I think will happen:
Tomorrow I am going to watch both Empire Strikes Back AND Return of the Jedi so ...get ready?!
Things I think will happen:
- Han will keep winking at Leia
- YODA
- Chewy will go to a humid planet (frizzy-hair joke)
- Something actually sad will happen to one of the robots and I will cry and cry and cry
- EWOKS
- Darth will find more siths to hang out with but keep writing in his diary about Obi-Wan
- YODA
- Chewy will go to a humid planet (frizzy-hair joke)
- Something actually sad will happen to one of the robots and I will cry and cry and cry
- EWOKS
- Darth will find more siths to hang out with but keep writing in his diary about Obi-Wan
Just ate an entire bowl of spaghetti in preparation for tonight’s double feature of The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi.
Which brings up a point I forgot to mention yesterday: pretty sure Luke and his aunt & uncle (RIP) drank milk w dinner. I’ve heard a rumor of Space Cows. Were they drinking Space Cow milk? Do not TELL ME.
Does Space Cow milk have lactose?? DO NOT tell me.
Does Space Cow milk have lactose?? DO NOT tell me.
Okay here we go. I have a *feeling* that the *empire* is going to *strike back* you guys.
Oh god I just tried to look up a GIF for that last tweet and saw Yoda oh man oh man oh man
A group of freedom fighters led by Luke, you say?!?! I bet you he does less whining in this one!!
Ice World of Hoth!
PROBES! Woooooo
Ice World of Hoth!
PROBES! Woooooo
OH MY GOD THE ABONINABLE SNOWMAN IS IN THIS?!
Omg wow we’ve gone from Han in a rubber turtleneck winking at drape-y Leia to Winterbunny Han and Leia fighting like schoolchildren about kissing I’m here for it!
R2s little “I am worried about Luke” whorl is too much for any one person to handle
Oh no CHEWY IS CRYING?!
Wow fifteen minutes in and Han smooshes frozen Luke into the intestines of an ice-dinosaur to save his life? This is gonna be a good one.
Wait wait wait wait wait
Leia just called Han a scruffy little nerf herder
Which leads me to believe something around here is called a nerf and also
THAT NERF HERDER THE BAND RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BUFFY THEME SONG TOOK THEIR NAME FROM STAR WARS?!!??!
Leia just called Han a scruffy little nerf herder
Which leads me to believe something around here is called a nerf and also
THAT NERF HERDER THE BAND RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BUFFY THEME SONG TOOK THEIR NAME FROM STAR WARS?!!??!
Oh no oh no oh no oh no Leia kissed Luke oh no oh dear oh my
Oh y’all, Darth spent the break shining his helmet didn’t he.
Darth straight up just death gripped that guy THROUGH THE TELEVISION
New sexuality: Winter-wear Leia telling all the men what to do in the war
BUM BUM BUM BA BA BUM BA BA BUMMMMM
Ohhhhhhhhh those big long legged machine thingies, @jowrotethis, they’re here!
You see, the reason I am already mad about Episodes I, II, and III is because I guarantee you that in the early aughts they’d never consider downing a long legged machine monster by TRIPPING IT WITH SOME WIRE, and *that* is exactly what rules about this movie.
I am becoming increasingly concerned about the way my heart feels when Chewie and Han interact, it feels like a setup for crying later
Can’t they get C3PO a little Segway or something so he can keep up?! It’s very hard for him to run! His knees only bend so far!
Chewie has an incredible commitment to his leather purse.
R2 FELL IN THE WATER LUKE WTF
nevermind he’s fine lolololol
nevermind he’s fine lolololol
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA GUYS THE BIG FISH HAHAHAHA SPIT OUT R2 AND HE BEEP-SCREAMED AS HE FLEW THROUGH THE AIR
Yoda. Has. Arrived. He sounds like Cookie Monster.
Yoda on Luke’s broken ship is straight up identical to my cat in my Christmas tree.
Luke just LEAVES R2 behind to go “find Yoda”?! What in the actual fuck.
Han: “You have no scoundrels in your life.”
Leia: *kisses him*
~ a tale as old as time ~
Leia: *kisses him*
~ a tale as old as time ~
Ohhhhh snap this hologram with a hood just told Darth that Luke was Annakins son but Darth knows he *is* Annakin so now Darth knows Luke is his son! But does the hooded hologram *not* know that?!
DON’T TELL ME
DON’T TELL ME
Would be more impressed with that Rocky “Eye of the Tiger” montage if Sylvester Stallone had carried YODA on his back while he trained
Oh shit Luke found DARTH in the forest and inside the HEAD was HIS OWN HEAD bum bum bum
Ugh this ship is never gonna go at light speed!!!!!
Excuse me but
Turned the captions on for Yoda and was rewarded with this
Han has said he and Lando “go way back” one too many times, everyone. I’m not sure this is gonna go well.
Ooooooooh Lando lives in the Hunger Games Capitol
Ok ok ok so Han has got to be canonically bisexual, right?! He OBVIOUSLY had a past fling with Lando and I was already suspicious about his past with Chewie.
Exhibit A:
What do you think Ghost Obi-Wan and Yoda do when they aren’t training Luke? Play checkers? Watch re-runs of M.A.S.H.? Knit Yoda-sized slippers because they don’t sell his size at the store?!
New sexuality: Leia not trusting Lando and being totally over his patriarchy-bullshit
LANDO INVITED DARTH TO DINNER,
this is gonna be so awkward
this is gonna be so awkward
It’s incredible to me that every time Chewie says “GAHHHHH” he is exactly correct
Oh no Chewie saying goodbye to Han 😭
Leia: I love you.
Han: I know.
I KNOW?!?!?!
Han: I know.
I KNOW?!?!?!
Did you all know these movies are REALLY FUCKING INTENSE?!
Han is all frozen in carbonite and Chewy is all sad and 3PO is all cut in half and Leia is sad and Luke just landed?!?!!!!!! WITH R2
Han is all frozen in carbonite and Chewy is all sad and 3PO is all cut in half and Leia is sad and Luke just landed?!?!!!!!! WITH R2
Does your light saber turn from blue to red when you become a sith
NICE MOVES LUKE SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU STOP WHINING
Pleeeeeease tell me that Luke and Darth are gonna crash through that beautiful glass window like Faith and Buffy
Ok well not quite
I feel like Lando maybe could have told the whole city they were about to die a little more diplomatically
Lololol R2 telling 3PO he’s “looked better”
OH SHIT LUKE LOST HIS HAND
Darth, I feel that your mission to convince Luke to fight with you *might* have gone better has you not cut his hand off a moment before
HE SAID IT
HE SAID
I AM YOUR FATHER
HE SAID
I AM YOUR FATHER
Oh no Luke is whining again
Uh oh Luke and Leia can read each other’s thoughts now even more awkward
Do you think Darth has a closet full of perfectly ironed black capes and shiny helmets at home
Do you think he has nice luggage for all of his travels
Do you think he has nice luggage for all of his travels
HAHAHAHAHA R2 fixed the hyper drive!!! And screamed again!! I love him!!
Whooooaaaaaa Luke got a robot hand
Incest aside, this is really fucking cute
And there completes my viewing of my second Star War!
I LOVE THIS ONE
Things I think will happen next:
I LOVE THIS ONE
Things I think will happen next:
- Han will be unfrozen, Jabba will be mad, it’ll be ok
- Leia will learn she is Luke’s sister and take a long hot bath
- Chewy will go to a humid planet (CMON!!)
- Luke will go back to Yoda with R2 and his lunchable box
- EWOKS
- Also I think JEDI might be the PLURAL of JEDI....
- Leia will learn she is Luke’s sister and take a long hot bath
- Chewy will go to a humid planet (CMON!!)
- Luke will go back to Yoda with R2 and his lunchable box
- EWOKS
- Also I think JEDI might be the PLURAL of JEDI....
Wow okay. *sips tequila*
I see a fucking Ewok and a gold bikini so I’m starting off with a lot of pre-existing knowledge here.
HERE WE GO
I see a fucking Ewok and a gold bikini so I’m starting off with a lot of pre-existing knowledge here.
HERE WE GO
Serious question: There isn’t a better opening theme song than this, in history, is there?
Ok back to Tatouine ✅
Bad dudes building a bigger ship ✅
I hope I find out more about the milk on Tatouine, honestly.
Bad dudes building a bigger ship ✅
I hope I find out more about the milk on Tatouine, honestly.
Oh EXCUSE ME has Darth started wearing PATENT LEATHER PANTS NOW
Ohhhhhh was that hologram with a hood the emperor?!
I absolutely adore 3PO’s little flat metal butt
Okay so Jabba keeps women prisoners that dance for him super chill, great
I don’t know if this planet is humid but I want to say someone got my memo: Chewie’s hair is lookin’ frizz-tastic over here at Jabba’s Hut
Ohhhhhh shit Lando’s here to save his frozen boyfriennnnnnd
Okay, you just had to press a button and turn a knob to defrost Han?! Was there a manual???
Is that Leia in there did she turn the knobs
YEAH BITCHES
Oh noooooooo Leia wears the bikini for Jabba doesn’t she. Patriarchy on ever planet all the same. Sigh.
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Interesting hair cut for Luke, here.
Luke with the old sideways-bone-in-the-rancor’s-mouth trick! Bet Yoda didn’t teach him *that* move.
Truly haven’t hated a mouth this much since The Master
As much as I’m here for Luke being a confident Jedi he is seeming a LITTLE overconfident to me. I liked middle Luke best (so far).
I can’t believe Jabba is going to feed Luke to Audrey II!!!
NOW LUKE’S SWORD IS *GREEN* IS THIS LIKE KARATE BELTS?!
Who are these Iron Man people?!
I’m really really glad that Leia killed Jabba but I do wish his tongue had stayed inside of his mouth more
Guys Leia is SO fucking pissed that she has to operate this gun machinery in a fucking bikini and I’m here to be mad with her
Han said he now owes Luke one but I think the math was that Luke already owed Han two, so technically they aren’t even, Luke still owes Han one more
Wow Darth has really had his interior decorator working hard this last break now we’ve got shiny red guys, too
I prefer the emperor as a hologram
R2 whistling in the fog of Yoda’s planet is my favorite R2 😭♥️
Yoda died so peacefully, thank god. I was so afraid something horrible would happen to him, but he lived 900 who entire years on his little swamp planet!
I do also appreciate that Yoda’s last dying words here “Luke, stop kissing her, she is your sister.”
Oh god they’re TWINS?!?!
I don’t know why that makes it worse. Somehow it just does. I’m not taking any questions at this time.
I guess Luke takes the first hot bath.
Exhibit B:
New sexuality: Lando’s capes
I really hope they use the white dots turning into white lines effect to signal light speed in the newer movies, I feel very attached to it
Hahahahahahahaha
Everyone is looking HOT in their jungle coats
Is it just me or do we all feel like Luke shoulda PROBABLY told Leia about the whole twin thing
Omg these flying bumper car fight moves are killing me
“Fight moves”
Wait HAHAHA in addition to not wearing the hat, Han’s jungle coat is also a BLAZER instead of the standard issue hoodie / poncho
E
FUCKING
W
O
K
S
FUCKING
W
O
K
S
Okay so Ewoks are just cats
What is the *fucking deal* with the emperor what is his endgame how is he even in charge he doesn’t even have a shiny helmet ugh
Literally, the emperor:
Luke & Han: *surrounded by Ewoks*
Also Luke & Han: LOLOLOL
Also Luke & Han: LOLOLOL
Omg Ewoks are to 3PO as cats are to Roombas
😂 C-3PO with the Ewoks:
Leia, you know and somehow you’ve ALWAYS KNOWN that Luke is your brother? Ok interesting going to file that away under
It appears that after two drinks I use more pictures
I don’t know who this squid head is who is leading the attack with Lando but he’s doing a great job
Can someone get the emperor a couple of cucumbers for his eyes
The fucking Ewoks! Saving the goddamn day.
God bless the hang gliding Ewok
NO NO NOT R2 SOMEONE HELP HIM
O NO AN EWOK DIED
this is too emotional for me
O NO AN EWOK DIED
this is too emotional for me
By the way: Chewie’s MOUSTACHE
Hahahahaha omg one of the best Ewok battle moves was this one
Okay okay thank you for the reversal,
Han: “I love you”
Leia: “I KNOW”
Han: “I love you”
Leia: “I KNOW”
Oh this is a nice festive holiday light saber battle between Luke and Darth
It occurs to me that I’ve not ever seen anyone call him “Darth,” and that probably I should have been saying “Vader,” so I’m sorry and you’re welcome
The emperor is basically just peeling his face off of his own skull, laughing, watching them fight
A hand for a hand HUH
OH SHIT HE HAS A MACHINE HAND TOO WUT
Look out emperor, daddy’s comin for youuuuuuuu
Oh no now Darth can’t breathe god why is it so easy to be sad for someone you hated this whole tiiiiiiiime
Han better really take Lando out for a nice dinner after all this
Wow another Death Star bites the dust.
Leia: “It’s not like that at all, he’s my brother.”
All of us: 🤔🤔🤔🤔
All of us: 🤔🤔🤔🤔
Ah the traditional melting of your father’s shiny helmet.
They have fireworks and confetti in this galaxy too!!!!
OH THANK GOD R2 IS OKAY HE IS AT THE PARTY
Wait wait wait is that hologram Obi, hologram Yoda, and hologram Annakin???
WOW I HAVE SEEN THE WHOLE FIRST TRILOGY, three entire Star Wars.
I liked Empire Strikes Back the best which I hear is *predictable* followed by A New Hope followed by Return of the Jedi but mostly I just had the goddamn best time with the whole set, okay?!
I liked Empire Strikes Back the best which I hear is *predictable* followed by A New Hope followed by Return of the Jedi but mostly I just had the goddamn best time with the whole set, okay?!
Tomorrow I will watch The Phantom Menace.
Things I think will happen are:
Things I think will happen are:
- I will not like it
Oh god okay, and so begins The Natalie Portman Years (I’m certain this is how the fandom must refer to this trilogy right...)
If the child pictured here is Anakin, then maybe Senator/Queen/Princess Portman *is* his mom after all.
Things I think may happen in The Phantom Menace:
- Tiny Anakin puts on flight goggles & his mom thinks they are cute
- A Hagrid-type (Yoda?) comes along & is like “that ain’t just cute, lady, that’s the FORCE!”
- Anakin discovers he is powerful
- There is a very menacing phantom
- Tiny Anakin puts on flight goggles & his mom thinks they are cute
- A Hagrid-type (Yoda?) comes along & is like “that ain’t just cute, lady, that’s the FORCE!”
- Anakin discovers he is powerful
- There is a very menacing phantom
Very happy to see they have kept the opening credits the same GOOD WORK
They’ve dispatched two Jedi Knights you say...
TINY OBI-WAN with another Jedi who, I think, is certainly where Obi-Wan got his facial hair aspirations from
Listen is this Lady C3PO who maybe named T17, you know the shiny silver one, is she gonna fall in robot love with 3PO? IS SHE HIS MOM?!
(I know, I know, that’s not how robots are made. But maybe they will fall in love!)
(I know, I know, that’s not how robots are made. But maybe they will fall in love!)
Okay so Obi-Wan’s saber is BLUE like Luke’s was when he was tiny & whiny, and the bearded Jedi’s is GREEN like it was for Luke later so I think my karate-belt comparison may be correct here
I really like the look of these little duck robots even tho they are trying to kill the Jedis
Ohhhhhh but I don’t like it when they talk, retracted.
Do you think the Jedis ever heat up their soup with their light sabers when no one is looking
NATALIE WHAT AN OUTFIT
Oh my god. Obi-Wan has. A very very very long skinny braid and one tiny pony tail.
I do not like Jar Jar.
Repeat: I do not like Jar Jar.
Repeat: I do not like Jar Jar.
Ohhhhhhh wow an underwater Jack-O-Lantern City.
I don’t know you guys, this is weird. I miss my Star Wars friends.
I literally cannot get over Obi-Wan’s teeny tiny ponytail.
OH THANK GOD R2 IS THAT YOU
I won’t be mad if we get a baby Jabba, honestly.
Omg Darth Maul is a member of the Insane Clown Posse
Oh my. Tiny child who must be Anakin has called Natalie an “angel” and she has called him a “funny little boy” so I guess we know where this is heading don’t we
I have to say I am a fan of the Italian Flying Gonzo who can only be moved by money and not mind tricks. Reminds me of my Uncle Vinny. From here on I will be calling that character Uncle Vinny.
Hot damn, Anakin built 3PO.
Is it bad if I find Anakin to be... annoying. Asking for a friend.
Ahhh I overlaid my knowledge of the Hutts-as-mobsters on this character and misread him as Italian, I take it back. Not Uncle Vinny. Also to that end... are they serious with these characters?!
Not mad at the Three Stooges Droid Pit Team
A FART JOKE??
A FART JOKE?!
HONESTLY.
A FART JOKE?!
HONESTLY.
Jabba looks the same so maybe the Hutts age well.
Mario Cart: Star Wars Edition has commenced
Anakin:
Anakin’s mom is like BYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Yoda! A cone head! Samuel L Jackson!! Talk about a meeting of the minds.
Yoda’s looking downright CHIPPER good to see him in his prime
Queen Amidala serving strong Khaleesi vibes in this big tube of government officials
I don’t mean to brag but when I was 3 they tested me to enter pre-school a year early and I passed the tests (I’m young for my grade) and now that I think about it, the test was in a big round room with Samuel L Jackson and a conehead and a tiny green guy...
New Sexuality: All of Queen Amidala’s Hats
Oh R2s little head in the yellow ship, look at him he looks absolutely stunning *clutches heart*
Oh shit Insane Clown Posse has HORNS
A DOUBLE SIDED LIGHT SABER HOW DO YOU GET ONE OF THOSE?!
I understand it’s just the film score but I would like to imagine that in the battle of the Jedis vs Insane Clown Posse, there was a live choir singing dramatically in the room as they fought
Me, before watching Phantom Menace: They must do everything they can in the edits to shave off all but the most important moments in films this epic
Them, making the film: Let’s have Anakin spin his ship upside down just for fun and say WOOOAAAAAAHHHHHH
Them, making the film: Let’s have Anakin spin his ship upside down just for fun and say WOOOAAAAAAHHHHHH
I liiiiiiiiike the force field effect though
OH NO QUI-GON, you seemed so nice
I hope during this battle between Obi-Wan and Insane Clown Posse there’s a near miss where Obi-Wan’s head remains in tact but his long tiny braid gets singed off
Okay okay so Obi-Wan won and he’s training Anakin now and I *think* Anakin might now also have a tiny braid and there was a parade and Yoda was like “ugh, fine, but I’ve seen the original trilogy and I’m telling you you shouldn’t do this.”
And we don’t know if Insane Clown Posse was the apprentice or the master but there was a DRAMATIC CAMERA PAN to give us an ~idea~ soooooo
In all seriousness I very much hated this movie BUT I did like:
- that they kept the cross fades like the original
- the spaceships and the stars
- Obi-Wan and R2 and naked 3PO
- Natalie’s hats
That’s the whole list.
- that they kept the cross fades like the original
- the spaceships and the stars
- Obi-Wan and R2 and naked 3PO
- Natalie’s hats
That’s the whole list.
The exciting / upsetting news is that tomorrow I will be watching both Attack of the Clones *and* Revenge of the Sith.
*deep breath*
We have now arrived at Attack of the Clones. Feedback is at once negative and mixed from the masses, and I’m intrigued.
It appears that Natalie and Anakin now like to cuddle but maybe even kiss, and that Obi-Wan has fixed his hair.
We have now arrived at Attack of the Clones. Feedback is at once negative and mixed from the masses, and I’m intrigued.
It appears that Natalie and Anakin now like to cuddle but maybe even kiss, and that Obi-Wan has fixed his hair.
I assume that metal guy up front is a “clone” but I don’t know what he is a clone OF, or if he is called a clone, maybe, because his power is that he can clone himself indefinitely in his battles in the stars?
Anyway, he is sure to attack!
HERE WE GO!
Anyway, he is sure to attack!
HERE WE GO!
Senator Amidala just lost what seems to be her ~gal pal~ Corde, and she is distraught.
I can’t believe Yoda has HAIR
If Palpatine (?) is trying to pretend he isn’t an evil Sith or whatever he should stop walking so dramatically and pausing only to give evil sideways glances to the entire room.
GODDAMMIT ANAKIN HAS THE TINY PONYTAIL AND THE BRAID NOW
Wowwwww Ani coming in hot. Within seven seconds of seeing Natalie Portman he’s like “you... are the most beautiful thing... and fuck everything you’ve ever taught me Obi I will do whatever she says.”
SIR. GET IT TOGETHER.
SIR. GET IT TOGETHER.
Tell me a world in which Senator Amidala wouldn’t make out with Obi-Wan over Anakin. Come on.
Don’t like the bugs don’t like the bugs don’t like the BUGS
Omg Jedis can’t FLY can they?! Jumping out the window for a flying drone ride seems extreme, Obi-Wan.
That said, you look great.
That said, you look great.
Honestly, fuck Anakin Skywalker.
So if there are two Siths at all times, when Insane Clown Posse died did the next Sith rise like a vampire slayer or
Oh I really see where Luke gets his whining from now
Listen everyone, Senator Amidala is EXTREMELY emotionally connected to all of her lady handmaidens and thus far hates pretty much all the men and I’m just saying that like... yeah. You know what I’m saying.
I LOVE DEX
Tiny Yoda teaching Tiny Jedis 😭♥️
The Jedi Flirt™️
Ani: *leans in for a kiss*
Amidala:
Ani: *leans in further for a kiss*
Amidala:
Ani: *kiss*
Amidala:
Amidala:
Amidala:
Amidala: “Remember that shit you just said about sand, though?”
Amidala:
Ani: *leans in further for a kiss*
Amidala:
Ani: *kiss*
Amidala:
Amidala:
Amidala:
Amidala: “Remember that shit you just said about sand, though?”
Oh shit y’all this clone thing is fucked
First of all, who picnics in grass this tall.
Second of all: SENATOR AMIDALA DOES NOT PICNIC WITH THIS JERK WHILE GIGGLING
I’m mad.
Second of all: SENATOR AMIDALA DOES NOT PICNIC WITH THIS JERK WHILE GIGGLING
I’m mad.
Do they have a version of this film without the love story?
Because honestly I’m really here so far for the rest of it 🤷🏼♀️
Because honestly I’m really here so far for the rest of it 🤷🏼♀️
ANAKIN JUST DECIDES TO LEAVE HIS ENTIRE MISSION BECAUSE OF DREAMS HE HAS BEEN HAVING ABOUT HIS MOM FOR WEEKS ON END?!
Iron Man vs Obi-Wan hell yeah
AUNT BERU
Yoda and Samuel L Jackson are *so* over this shit
GUYS. Guys. I just went looking for an R4 appreciation GIF, and I didn’t find any (rude) but I just absolutely must share with you what I somehow found instead?!?!?!?!!!!!!!! ?!!! !!
Senator Amidala has packed an INCREDIBLE amount of outfits for this journey do you think she has a ship that just transports her clothing?
Ahhhh 3PO has the first version of his cute little flat metal butt 😍
Padme (I’ve decided we are now on a first name basis) was like hmmmmmm what should I wear to the factory battle.... OH I KNOW YES THIS
R2D2 CAN FLY?!?!?!?!??!
HahahahahHaha this might be a controversial opinion but I am very here for the 3PO/Duck Machine head swap
Padme before Padme after
the factory the factory
battle battle
the factory the factory
battle battle
None of us can believe it either, buddy.
I think Padme’s odds in this arena battle would have been higher had she decided to stay in love with her handmaiden, tbh
For one thing we know gal pals are very good at taking each other’s handcuffs off
I spent every single minute between those two tweets desperately seeking a GIF of Faith taking her Buffy’s handcuffs off and couldn’t find one and I am deeply upset by this fact ANYWAY back to Star Wars
SAMUEL L JACKSON HAS A PURPLE LIGHT SABER YESSSSSSSSS
New Sexuality: Padme in the white outfit riding a dinosaur shooting her gun
Oh shit Samuel L Jackson just cut Iron Man’s head off
UH OH ALL THE FIGHTING STOPPED SOMETHING BAD IS GONNA HAPPEN
Lolololololol Yoda rolling in on a flying fighter ship like
Wait I’m sorry did Natalie Portman’s shirt just OOPS get turned into a crop top during the battle
Very cool battleships!! Very cool battleships all around!! A+ on the battleships everyone!
Oh okay so Dooku is the new Sith Slayer who has risen in Insane Clown Posse’s place but probably he’s gonna die and then Palatine is gonna look into Ani’s eyes and be all “ONE GIRL IN ALL THE WORLD,” *wink*
Dooku not looking so fierce on your little motorcycle plane, sir.
Well there goes your dad’s arm, Luke.
Oh shittttttt Yoda’s got a light saber
When a light saber cuts off your arm does it also cauterize the wound
They’re getting married?!??
Ani has a GOLD SKELETOR HAND?!??!!!!??
Ani has a GOLD SKELETOR HAND?!??!!!!??
Please please please stop kissing
Well I guess “please stop kissing” was my last tweet for Attack of the Clones 😂😂😂
Okay here’s my deal: I HATE the love story but otherwise I liked this one way better than Phantom Menace?!?
Onwards shortly to Revenge of the Sith.
Onwards shortly to Revenge of the Sith.
Things I think will happen in Revenge of the Sith are:
- more purple light saber
- Ani will have no braid, we will be long-braid free, finally
- 3PO will be damaged but repaired with a shiny gold suit
- Yoda will keep shaking his head
- The Siths will get revenge
- more purple light saber
- Ani will have no braid, we will be long-braid free, finally
- 3PO will be damaged but repaired with a shiny gold suit
- Yoda will keep shaking his head
- The Siths will get revenge
HERE WE GO
HAS ANYONE EVER WATCHED SO MANY STAR WARS ALL AT ONCE
I FEEL LIKE C3PO WHEN IS HEAD WAS BEING (LOVINGLY) DRAGGED BY R2D2
SITHS, ON YOUR MARKS!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HAS ANYONE EVER WATCHED SO MANY STAR WARS ALL AT ONCE
I FEEL LIKE C3PO WHEN IS HEAD WAS BEING (LOVINGLY) DRAGGED BY R2D2
SITHS, ON YOUR MARKS!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Ooooh not to get all serious but I’m just going to say I love the line in these rolling credits that says, “There are heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere.”
*chills*
*chills*
As I predicted, Anakin has no long braid, no tiny ponytail, and if I do say so myself his hair is looking quite luxurious.
You know four minutes after the wedding Padme was like “cut off that fucking braid you ding dong.”
I just GASPED and CRIED OUT when they got R4s little red head 😭
Get the *fuck* away from R2 you little shit insect machine thing I swear to god
Ahahaahahahahahaha
Well who do we have here
RIP Eliza Dooko
There is no single better sound effect in all of film history than R2D2 [Squealing]
Can someone get this skull head bad guy a cough drop
How did 3PO get his gold suit already?! They told us nothing about that in the opening credits. 😤
I repeat:
The Leia buns don’t fall far from the tree, I see
No no no no no please for the love of god who approved this scene where Padme is BRUSHING HER HAIR BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON god give me strength
And another thing who sleeps in sleeves made of TINY HARD PEARLS
Hahahaha loving that cone head couldn’t make it to this meeting of the minds so he Hologram-Skyped in
Did someone say WOOKIES
Anakin really uses the Jedi code when it serves him and forgets about it when it doesn’t huh?
Not to get all WHATEVER here but how how *how* is it possible that this trilogy didn’t make Anakin a sympathetic character. Wasn’t that the actual, entire point?
Loving that Palpatine’s right hand man is Billy Corgan
*claps hands*
So many Chewies!!!
So many Chewies!!!
You gotta give Grievous some credit for this four saber helicopter move
Grievous has a TINY LITTLE BEATING HEART
Oh no please don’t let Palpatine kill Samuel L Jackson hes the best
LOLOLOLOLOLOL
Who would ever trust anyone who says “NO NO NO YOU WILL DIE” in a whiny evil baby voice like Palpatine honestly
FUCK YOU ANAKIN WHAT THE FUCK
Meanwhile Palpatine’s like my face my face it’s
Fucking, Palpatine is over here like “pick me pick me I’ll save your wife” and Anakin is like “ok I pick you” and Palpatine is like “well technically its only been done like once so we are going to have to really figure this out as a team ok”
I hope Grievous left his throat drops for Palpatine
He just picked the name Vader out of thin air?? he didn’t even say WHY he named him Vader?! And Anakin didn’t even ask?! Sigh.
Sidebar: loving this feathery yipping dragon that Obi-Wan is riding around
Oh no Conehead too 😭
WHAT THE FUCK THE FUCKING TINY JEDIS?! This fucking guy. Smh.
Everyone is dying!
Chewie is crying!
Yoda is in his little Yoda ship!
😭😭😭
Chewie is crying!
Yoda is in his little Yoda ship!
😭😭😭
You’re telling me that I’m supposed to believe Anakin comes back to Padme and tells her what “has happened” and her response is
OH ANAKIN, WHAT ARE *YOU* GONNA DO?!?
I guess being pregnant means she is an entirely different character now, sure sure sure
OH ANAKIN, WHAT ARE *YOU* GONNA DO?!?
I guess being pregnant means she is an entirely different character now, sure sure sure
Oh poor R2 has to go with him 😭
LAVA PLANET
Tiny Yoda 😭😭😭 finding his Tiny Jedis 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Woof.
Buffy was strong enough to send her soulmate to hell to save the world and I genuinely believe that if Padme had gotten her due she’d have done (or at least attempted to do) the same.
*waits with baited breath*
*waits with baited breath*
YOU DEATH GRIPPED YOUR WIFE?!
Wow what a stunning encapsulation of toxic masculinity.
Wow what a stunning encapsulation of toxic masculinity.
Ooooooooh “only a Sith deals in absolutes” is a very fucking resonant line 👏🏻
Okay alright now with the LAVA SURFING Ani 🙄
Oh shit Obi-wan cut his legs off?!
Obi-Wan the first rule is you always have to kill the bad guy at least twice to be sure.
She’s
Lost
The
WILL
TO
LIVE
You’ve gotta be kidding me.
Lost
The
WILL
TO
LIVE
You’ve gotta be kidding me.
You know I sincerely think they might have wanted to give Anakin’s face just a couple more minutes to heal before they put the mask on but I’m not a doctor
Lookin good as ever, Aunt Beru.
This is something @jowrotethis brought up but yes it does seem like an interesting hiding place for Luke... since he’s... literally just with his own family 🤔
I HAVE WATCHED SIX STAR WARS ✨
I rate these two “medium” bc I thought the battle & Jedi / Sith bits got better from the first but the treatment of Padme’s character, the love story, & the pregnancy shit was very dumb.
You know, just the patriarchy mucking shit up as usual 💁🏼♀️
I rate these two “medium” bc I thought the battle & Jedi / Sith bits got better from the first but the treatment of Padme’s character, the love story, & the pregnancy shit was very dumb.
You know, just the patriarchy mucking shit up as usual 💁🏼♀️
I will be back on Tuesday with The Force Awakens which seems appropriate since it is also my birthday and I am very powerful 💥
It is time.
For the force.
TO FUCKING AWAKEN.
For the force.
TO FUCKING AWAKEN.
Here’s what I see:
- MANY OLD PALS like Han and Leia and Chewie and 3PO and my personal hero R2D2
- BB8 BB8 BB8 I wonder what his beeps will sound like?!
- A Darth of some kind with a Darth/Jason type mask holding what I think is a light saber that shoots fire out the sides?!
- MANY OLD PALS like Han and Leia and Chewie and 3PO and my personal hero R2D2
- BB8 BB8 BB8 I wonder what his beeps will sound like?!
- A Darth of some kind with a Darth/Jason type mask holding what I think is a light saber that shoots fire out the sides?!
- TWO YOUNGINS WHO I CAN ONLY IMAGINE ARE HEROES & AT LEAST SLIGHTLY BISEXUAL
- But seriously one is Rey & she has a cool looking weapon yet it does not seem to emit light
- I don’t know who the boy is because I know he is *not* Kylo Ren but he seems to be an important Jedi
- But seriously one is Rey & she has a cool looking weapon yet it does not seem to emit light
- I don’t know who the boy is because I know he is *not* Kylo Ren but he seems to be an important Jedi
What I think will happen is that the force will awaken. Luke is not around because he, um, had to attend to some moisture business (even tho he’s a powerful Jedi he still knows the importance of moisture in these dark times and also supposedly The Force has been asleep anyway),
When the force wakes up it repowers all the light sabers in the land even the TWO RED SITH SABERS and oh no bad news bc that means the war is back on bitches
Leia and Han are like okay we can fight this war while Luke carries his dew suitcases around but we need someone with better knees to do all the JUMPING and then boom we meet our heroes who will do very well.
Also R2D2 is *so* annoyed by BB8 but they grow to love each other by the end.
Wait so hold on. So Luke has “vanished” (moisture business), and the credit things say that he was the last Jedi but...
Why wasn’t Leia a Jedi?
They are TWINS.
Can only BOYS be Jedis?!
Why did this not occur to me until now.
Why wasn’t Leia a Jedi?
They are TWINS.
Can only BOYS be Jedis?!
Why did this not occur to me until now.
BB8 BB8 BBEIGHHHHHHHHT
omg he like wobbles when he rolls?!
help me
omg he like wobbles when he rolls?!
help me
OH THE NEW GUY IS NAMED POE and BB8 is *his* droid?! And his ship picks BB8 up his little head?!?! Lolololol
So many storm troopers ... remember when I didn’t know if they were good or bad? I was so young then.
Everyone’s always hiding their shit inside of adorable droids. If I was a bad guy the first place I’d look for my stuff would be inside the cutest robot I could find.
KYLO REN IS ALREADY HERE AND HE IS THE GUY IN THE FANCY MASK?!
Lolololol “it’s just really hard to understand you with all the apparatus” is something that the Siths should really take back to their next Sith Fashion brainstorming session
Oh my god no they killed all the villagers which was dark enough but then we had to watch little BB8 watch it?! AND WHIMPER?! Fuck this 😭
Oh no FN2187 how did you wind up here as a storm trooper this is surely not your destiny I know because you seem distressed and also because I saw your light saber on the poster!!!
OH HEY REY YOU LOOK THIRSTY
I told you that lesbians would covet Luke’s old ride! Rey just improved upon it by turning it sideways and painting it red and, of course, adding some netting to which she can attach her many tools probably using galactic carabiners.
OH GOD BB8 IS FOLLOWING REY LIKE A PUPPY OH GOD SHE LET HIM GO HOME WITH HER 😭
FINN! POE! Two very cute men shooting bad guys together while sitting back to back and exalting in their shared comradery. Fantastic! I hope they kiss!
OMG I JUST REMEMBERED THAT JOANNA TOLD ME BRIENNE OF TARTH WAS SOMEONE NAMED CHROME AND I JUST REALIZED THIS CHROME BAD GUY MUST BE HER
STAR WARS IS ACHIEVING IMPECCABLE GAY HEIGHTS IN ITS FIRST 25 MINUTES
SORRY FOR SHOUTING
STAR WARS IS ACHIEVING IMPECCABLE GAY HEIGHTS IN ITS FIRST 25 MINUTES
SORRY FOR SHOUTING
Finn is so good at sweating huh
Did Poe die?!!!?!?!
Don’t tell me.
When Finn says
Poe didn’t make it
And little BB8s head
Slides down little BB8s body
Oh no
Poe didn’t make it
And little BB8s head
Slides down little BB8s body
Oh no
Seriously though Finn WHY do you keep holding her hand it cannot improve running speed
OMG ARE THEY FLYING THE SHIP FROM FOREVER AGO?!?! COOOOOOOOOOOL
Finn on the old ship trying to shoot:
Omg I can’t wait to find out if this ship can still go to light speed on its third to fifth attempt
THE FALCON IM SORRY THE FALCON
Oooooooooooh Kylo Ren has a little bit of an anger problem huh
Ahahahahahahahahahaha
Uh oh The Falcon just got swallowed in the belly of a whale of a ship just like Moby Dick (I think that is what happens in Moby Dick)
OH MY GOD ITS HAN AND CHEWIE
I REPEAT
IT IS HAN AND FUCKING CHEWIE
I REPEAT
IT IS HAN AND FUCKING CHEWIE
I COULD CRY
And I only watched the first trilogy three days ago
You must have all WEPT WITH JOY 😭
And I only watched the first trilogy three days ago
You must have all WEPT WITH JOY 😭
Oh god Han and Rey are gonna be the slightly grumpy uncle and the huffy feminist niece who find that they share so much in common aren’t they
All these years and Chewie still has his leather purse
YOU SHOOT CHEWIE
I SHOOT YOU
Is Han’s motto and apparently now also mine
I SHOOT YOU
Is Han’s motto and apparently now also mine
Also I was so absolutely terrified and rapt during the octopus-with-teeth scene that I couldn’t pause or tweet and my breathing is still shallow
LIGHT SPEED ON THE FIRST TRY!
AND THE WHITE DOTS TURNED INTO WHITE LINES!
HELL YEAH
AND THE WHITE DOTS TURNED INTO WHITE LINES!
HELL YEAH
Omg a there’s an evil GIANT?!!!!?! Someone call Lyanna Mormont.
I already knew that Kylo Ren was Han’s son because I talked about it with @jowrotethis but if I hadn’t known that my next tweet would have been something like:
OH WOW OH WOW KYLO IS HAN’S SON I SEE WHAT THEY ARE DOING HERE
Rey: “I bypassed the compressor.”
Han: “Huh.”
^^ exact representation of every interaction I’ve ever had with any man when I know what cord plugs into what port on anything electronic.
Han: “Huh.”
^^ exact representation of every interaction I’ve ever had with any man when I know what cord plugs into what port on anything electronic.
Omg the monster hologram chess game is still here!!!!
Han says everyone who knows Luke best thinks he went to seek a Jedi temple, I still think he’s on important moisture business.
Me: Did Finn just call him Solo?!
Han: Did you just call me Solo?!
Han: Did you just call me Solo?!
Grumpy Uncle Han!!!
MAZ! I LIKE YOU!
When Kylo is like “grandfather, show me the power of the dark side,” I wish that they’d show him that clip of Palpatine screaming about POWEERRRRRRRRRR because that would set Kylo on the right path straightaway. Though I guess we do need a full trilogy here.
Oh god Darth Vader would roll in his grave if he saw how completely unshiny his helmet is here in the Darth Vader Grandpa Museum
Oh my goddddsdssdss a light saber in a treasure box that transports Rey to a vision of R2?! AND ANAKIN?! And KYLO?! And herself as a child?!?!
Listen Rey I don’t know about the galaxy *you’re* in but in my galaxy when you have visions like that it generally means you are a CHOSEN ONE of some magnitude so keep that in mind ok
Oh shit Maz took her GOGGLE OFF FOR YOU REY
As this first order leader yells commands to his many storm troopers I am reminded of a few days ago when someone tweeted angrily about how I was politicizing Star Wars by talking about Rey as bisexual.
HAHAHAHhhahHahHahahahahAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahHa
HAHAHAHhhahHahHahahahahAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahHa
Oh god
New Sexuality: Rey in her mummy sleeves shooting her new gun for the first time
New Sexuality: Han shooting backwards without looking and still killing a storm trooper
NEW SEXUALITY: FINN ACTIVATING LUKE’S LIGHT SABER
WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A EUPHEMISM BUT IS VERY LITERAL
Omg the Storm Troopers watched Robocop during the break and took some notes
It’s The Resistance!!!!!
POE IS THAT YOU?!?
Omg REY that is KYLO REN get outta there he’s got a FIRE SABER
Uncle Han is like THAT IS MY FUCKING FEMINIST NEICE GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER
LEIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
C3PO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
C3PO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shit do you think Poe is gonna make Finn give the jacket back?
Omg STOP POE AND FINN ARE SO IN LOVE
OH OKAY
In other news where the fuck is R2
AHHHHHH LIKE I HAD SUMMONED HIM WITH MY OWN LOVE HE APPEARS
Oh god low power mood since Luke left oh lord please help me with these droids and their hearts
OH SHIT THE MASK CAME OFF YALL
I do not like this scene one bit
OH SHIT ADAM DRIVER WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW HUH
Hahahaha the Storm Troopers who are like “goddammit Kylo is mad and busting up another room with his fucking fire saber, someone call maintenance.”
Okay let’s blow up this oscillator people bing bang boom
Having feelings aplenty for this Han and Leia love
Hahahahahaha
Finn: We’ll use the force!
Han: That’s not how the force works!
Chewie: I’m fucking COLD, guys.
Finn: We’ll use the force!
Han: That’s not how the force works!
Chewie: I’m fucking COLD, guys.
THIS IS REALLY INTENSE THEY FOUND REY BUT THEY HAD TO GO BACK IN AHHHHHHH
Oh man Han seeing Kylo 😔
Kids who call their parents by their first names have always really bugged me
NOW THIS IS HOW YOU MAKE AN EVIL CHARACTER SYMPATHETIC PEOPLE
Fucking hell
CHEWIE’S CRY
Oh no Leia oh no
💔💔💔💔💔
You know a Jedi isn’t supposed to use anger but it’s working REAL well for Finn here
Oh shit Luke’s light saber HATES YOU JUST LIKE I DO KYLO REN
GET HIM REY GET HIM
THE FALCON CAME BACK FOR THEM, THE FALCON ALWAYS COMES BACK 😭
Oh no why have you done this to me on my birthday
WHY ISN’T ANYONE HUGGING CHEWIE
OH MY GOD R2 IS ALIVE HE IS BEEPING R2 IS BEEEEEEPINNNG
BB8s little puzzle map piece fitting inside R2s
I just
I have to go lay down it’s all too much
I just
I have to go lay down it’s all too much
Omg Chewie is co-piloting for Rey I know you came here for a funny thread BUT I HAVE NO JOKES LEFT ONLY LOVE
I’m telling you Rey, you’re gonna climb this beautiful mountain and find Luke has just been busy with the moisture trade business this whole time
I guess I have one or two more jokes left, I take it back
LUKE!!!
Has he just been standing there this whole time
Is Rey his daughter
Is Rey a Jedi clone
Is Rey part Wookiee
WHO IS REY
DON’T TELL ME
DON’T TELL ME
I have watched seven Star Wars holy shit this one was great it’s going to take me at least two weeks to recover but too bad for me I’m watching The Last Jedi tomorrow night ahhhhhhhhh
This might be a good time to tell you that I bought a ticket to see The Rise of Skywalker on Friday morning soooooooooooo
And yes, I don’t know how I’ll possibly contain myself but I promise NOT to tweet while watching 😂
I know I have to sit down and begin The Last Jedi soon. I know I do. I am FEELING SAD ABOUT IT though because:
- what if someone I love dies
- once I watch it there’s only one more left
- WHAT IF SOMEONE I LOVE DIES
- what if someone I love dies
- once I watch it there’s only one more left
- WHAT IF SOMEONE I LOVE DIES
Oh god. Here we go.
I see my droids. I see my Chewie. If anyone touches them I swear to god I’ll go through the TV screen and get my revenge.
I don’t KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN okay?! I don’t have a funny list to start bc I’m too full of anxiety.
what is happening to meeeeeee
*presses play*
I don’t KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN okay?! I don’t have a funny list to start bc I’m too full of anxiety.
what is happening to meeeeeee
*presses play*
AHHHHHHH WHAT IS GONNA FUCKING HAPPEN YALL
BB8 & POE GET EM GET EM
She’s not a princess HUX she’s a fucking general
Leia your goddamn HAIR is a VISION for goodness sake
What happened to 3POs red arm?! I BARELY RECOGNIZED HIM.
AHAHAHAHAHhaha BB8 USED HIS LIL HEAD AND SCREAMED
PAAAAAIGE just met you but really believe in you
💣 💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣
Snoke was like oh hey Hux by the way
BB8: “Finn naked”
Poe: WHO SAID THAT WHAT
Poe: WHO SAID THAT WHAT
But who wore it best I ask
Luke’s like ma’am I have no need for this light saber I am a hobbit now ok
PORGS
Who do you think does the Supreme Leader’s lighting design, does he have a stage manager
Big fan of Kylo Ren being completely impossible to understand because he’s a Vader fanboy
Ooooooooh he even has little red lego knights to match his red office lighting!!
Oh dear Kylo is mad again and this time he broke his MASK
Rey: “We need Luke Skywalker”
Me: “But maybe you don’t, what if you don’t?”
Luke: “Oh for chrissake you don’t need me and my glowy sword.”
Me: “But maybe you don’t, what if you don’t?”
Luke: “Oh for chrissake you don’t need me and my glowy sword.”
THE INFAMOUS COW MILK SCENE IS FINALLY UPON ME
Luke eats big rubber fish and drinks his sea cow milk peacefully with his Porgs and just wants PEACE everyone, my word.
Did I not SAY he was away on moisture business. You all need to trust me more often.
I want to see the cut scenes where Rey fixes her three lil buns after long walks in the rain to keep them looking fresh
Imagine Luke was like
“Who are you?”
And Rey was like
“I AM YOUR FATHER.”
😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱
“Who are you?”
And Rey was like
“I AM YOUR FATHER.”
😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱
Does Luke keep his Jedi books in the One Eyed Raven’s tree?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LEIA STRAIGHT UP SMACKED POE hahahahahahahahaha
Get. Your. Head. Out. Of. Your. Cockpit. She said.
Ooooooooooh you guys looks like the first thing Finn put back on was Poe’s jaaaaaaaacketttttt
Genuinely happy to see that squidhead is still with us and doing well.
Kylo out here making himself unnecessarily dizzy just for show. Typical.
KYLO NO NOT YOUR MOM TOO
Leia 😔😔😔💔💔💔
YALL WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING WITH LEIA WHAT THE CHRIST
Omg the Porgs made Chewie a vegetarian. Incredible and unexpected plot twist.
Luke!!! R2!!!!!!!
R2!!!!!!! LUKE!!!
R2!!!!!!! LUKE!!!
Oh my fucking god the tiny purr that came out of R2 when Luke put his hand on him 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
OH MY GOD THE ORIGINAL LEIA BROADCAst
In a galaxy far far away the resistance also has purple hair
And relatedly HEY LAURA DERN GREAT TO SEE YOU
Oh god I’m going to love Rose a lot aren’t I.
MAZ!
Whoaaaaaa more like Kylo Rey huh
Luke: “What do you know about the force?”
Me & Rey, in unison: “It’s a power that Jedi have that let’s them control people and... make things float.”
Me & Rey, in unison: “It’s a power that Jedi have that let’s them control people and... make things float.”
REY STOP CAREFUL AHHHH YOURE GONNA SEND US TO THE UPSIDE DOWN
It’s almost like Rey is Ben and Ben is Rey and I have never ever been so mad that I’m not farther along my @bufferingcast journey because MAN OH MAN would I have a gif for this
BABY PORG
Wait a second...
Is the galaxy...
HOGWARTS?!!!!!!???
Is the galaxy...
HOGWARTS?!!!!!!???
This galaxy apparently also has duck tours
For clarity a boat just turned into a plane and
A duck tour is a bus that turns into a boat and
That was the joke
A duck tour is a bus that turns into a boat and
That was the joke
Okay SORRY listen our president was just impeached so I’m going to go get myself a tequila and then come back to The Last Jedi where Rose is busy explaining how war makes people rich but by the way Star Wars IS NOT POLITICAL DID YOU KNOW
Straight up just thought the master code breaker was John Stamos and then remembered it is not 1992
You do not *THROW* BB8, sir. 😡
Do you think Rey misses her carabiners here on Hobbit Isle
These mini land sharks in bonnets are so annoyed with Rey
Oh THESE ARE THE FISH NUNS that makes sense.
Not to put too fine a point on it but on the Laura Dern ship three women just interacted entirely about battle plans and boy do I love to see it
Rose and Finn were just broken out of jail by a man flossing his teeth with paper and wearing boots for a scarf so I think this could get good
Ahahahahahahaha
*gif of BB8 throwing coins like bullets*
*gif of BB8 throwing coins like bullets*
OH MY GOD FREE THE GIANT LAMBS
YESSSSSSS
Finn & Rose are like
Rey: “Why do you hate your father?”
Kylo: “Well...
Kylo: “Well...
Oh god Rey there’s too many of you get outta there quick
If Rey stayed with The Many Reys for long enough they would make a kickass a capella group, just saying.
Are they gonna be LOVERS or are they TWINS the eternal Star Wars question
LUKE REALLY? DID THAT? TO KYLO?? I DUNNO.
It’s almost as if, halfway through this movie, I am left wondering
WhO *iS* tHe LaSt JeDi ThOuGh?!!?
WhO *iS* tHe LaSt JeDi ThOuGh?!!?
GLOWING YODA GHOST
Yoda, so amused by human antics, even in ghost form.
Yoda is like LUKE ENOUGH WITH THE WHINING MAN IT HAS BEEN FORTY YEARS GET TF UP
“We are what they grow beyond.”
New Sexuality: Laura Dern calling Poe “fly boy.”
As much as I normally side with the purple haired woman I’m kinda with Poe on this one 🤷🏼♀️
Rey thinks Kylo is gonna turn and
Kylo thinks Rey is gonna turn and
Snoke still has his lighting designer
Kylo thinks Rey is gonna turn and
Snoke still has his lighting designer
I love BB8 in his little box costume
Pressing question: Why has no one MENTIONED 3POs red arm now being gold again
Oh god there’s an evil BB8!
LEIA SHOT POE
OH NO LAURA DERN AND LEIA I SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED YOU
NO NO NOT THE TINY TRANSPORTS 😭😭😭😭 ugh I’m sorry I can’t stop using caps lock
Is anyone better at pouting then Adam Driver
OH SHIT LOOKS LIKE YOU MAY HAVE A LIGHT SABER THRU YOUR SIDE SNOKE
Ahhhhhhhhhh they are fighting the LEGO men togetherrereeree
Oh my word the red lego men have little fiery rope weapons
New Sexuality: Kylo Ren
YES we want to know the TRUTH about her PARENTS ben
Is this how you make the double sided light saber
LAURA FUCKING DERN
what the
Kylo Ren breaks everything first all the TVs then his mask now the light saber sheesh
I love that Chrome Dome is like oh yeah you have a light saber well *I* have this pipe that I pulled out of my bathroom sink sooooo
BRIENNE EYE
Awwwww little Hux so sadddddd wah wah wahhhhhhh
😭
Forever Sexuality: Leia
Oh it’s the salt planet!!! @jowrotethis told me about this and it IS cool
Wowwwww Snoke’s lighting designer has *nothing* on this salt planet’s visuals dannnng
hahHhHhahahHaha CHEWIE AND THE SCREAMING PORG
oh god oh god oh god
FINN
JESUS CHRIST
ROSE
Luke now would be a great time for you to
LUKE and LEIA *sob*
I didn’t expect to CRY now
Luke’s WINK at 3PO
oooph what a line Kylo jesus
omg though
Well I guess that clears up my earlier question about only having boy Jedis huh
Aw HELL YEAH you were fighting a HOLOGRAM you stupid IDIOT hahahahahahahaha
Oh no
Omg Poe and Rey haven’t even met until now?!?! Remarkable.
They have everything they need
😭♥️😭😭♥️♥️😭♥️😭♥️😭♥️
😭♥️😭😭♥️♥️😭♥️😭♥️😭♥️
Thanks for journeying with me, everyone.
In two days I’ll go sit amongst so many of you who have loved these movies for decades and get to see the final chapter in real time.
I AM VERY EMOTIONAL. ♥️✨
In two days I’ll go sit amongst so many of you who have loved these movies for decades and get to see the final chapter in real time.
I AM VERY EMOTIONAL. ♥️✨
Oh boop just gonna put this at the end of this thread so that everyone can see how excited I was to see #TheRiseOfSkywalker at the end of my journey!
