Thread by @Octav1usKing

Hello everyone.

After a lot of thought, I am writing to tell you that I will be taking a massive step back from the character of Octav1us. I have removed other social media accounts, and will be using Twitter infrequently for things like streaming and new video announcements

When I started, I was naive. I was having fun. I was a chirpy, breasty female character with zero shame of her appearance and full of happiness. The exact opposite of me.

She was a release. She allowed me to write and perform with no fear, and share my passion and knowledge of video games I've had since I was seven. I was having a wonderful time learning how to use editing software and connecting with an online community.

Octav1us gave me huge strength. After a molestation at the age of 8, an attempted rape and an abusive relationship, I was claiming back my body autonomy by proudly showing a photoshoot I'd had done where I didn't hide my self harm scars.

I knew I had no reason to be ashamed.

And yet...when I really looked within myself, I remembered that feeling of wishing I was a male. Of wanting to cut my breasts off. Of being called a slut by my boyfriend if I wore a skirt. And I felt sick.

It was as early as 1000 subscribers that I started to get called a whore or a slut. Octav1us didn't care. But I was taken back to a place I didn't want to go. But I grinned and sat through it, because I knew it wasn't true.

When the forum posts started showing up saying I'm a talentless slut getting her tits out from people who had clearly never watched my videos (or else they would have seen the time and effort going into them) I grinned and sat through it because I knew it wasn't true.

Then Horacegate happened. And people, despite seeing the proof of what had happened (yes, it WAS a manual strike on my channel undeniably) still chose to call me, the person behind Octav1us, a "useless cunt" and telling me to kill myself. I didn't grin. I was fucked up.

Then the troll accounts started being shits about my personal life . Shaming me for being open about my crappy mental health. Being angry about my Patreon account, which I have never begged for and am incredibly grateful for. I didn't grin. But I sat through it.

My Instagram photos were put on a porn site by people with the odd idea that a woman's breasts are some sort of magical token that devalue the person they are attached to if they are shown. They are tits. The kind of blokes who wank to my gym progress pics tend to have their own.

That made me think. Maybe I am too open online. Maybe I can't expect people to understand why I am reclaiming my body autonomy.

And then Laird was outed.

In the last week, I have gone from being unsure Kieren was behind at least some of the troll accounts that spread sick sexist lies about me (e.g. I had sex with someone in an alleyway apparently. Hilarious as I have a condition that makes penetration painful) to being certain.

He was someone I didn't talk to much, but I did trust. I have now seen proof that he spread the lie that Retro Princess dobbed me in to Subvert, blaming an autistic woman who was going through hell. So god knows what else he was spreading about that situation.

And that's the final straw. Kieren, I hope you get the help you truly need.

I know a lot of you enjoy Octav1us, but I am now so very wary of being online that I don't want to do it any more. I'm not confident enough. I'm not happy any more. In fact, I'm fucking miserable.

I am going to keep making videos for now, but I am looking for work elsewhere and I will not be on Twitter much and am not sharing my email any more.

I'm so sorry everyone. I'm embarrassed to say this, but the person behind Octav1us is a mess. And I just want to be happy.

I love you all so much and will keep making videos for as long as I can. Just because I won't be around even half as much doesn't mean I don't adore you, because I truly deeply do.

Sarah x

P.s. Kieren, if you are reading this, please know I am a very forgiving person. I even forgive funkyspectrum for his lie-filled rants about me. Because life is too short, and we are all in this together.

But you need to own up and apologise.

Apologise for reeling me in with buddy talk about having the same mental health issues, then swearing to me that retro revival guys said horrible stuff about me. You were lying. I have the screenshots from Discord, which hasn't been deleted unlike the Twitter DMs.

And most importantly, apologise for telling people that Retro Princess dobbed me in to Andrews and it was all her fault and then using your troll accounts to spread that lie. How dare you. Words cannot express how angry I am.

I truly hope you are okay, and are getting help. I personally would accept an apology.

However, from what has been unearthed this week it would seem there are a lot of people you have to apologise to.

Please make the right choice.