Thread by @JJSantaniello

Good lord you guys, I am the WORST. Story time:

Ok so I have a chronic cough, and it's even worse after I've been sick recently (I had walking pneumonia in January). No matter what I do or take, it just tends to linger for 2-3 months after I've been sick. Every time. 1/8

I went to the store for groceries after work today, and it was PACKED for obvious reasons. The last thing I wanted to do was cause a panic, so as I was waiting in line (with like 50+ other people) I held back any coughs that worked their way up. 2/8

As I'm sure you can imagine, this was a horrible idea and I regret my stupid brain's assumption that it would ever work.

Welp. Coughageddon caught up with me, and I had a massive rasping, gasping, and coughing fit in the middle of all those people. 3/8

Like everyone even remotely close to me scattered immediately. The other checkout lanes, even the cashiers and baggers, all stopped to watch the guy who is hacking his lungs out at the worst possible point in time, some even leaving their carts behind to hide in the aisles. 4/8

All I could think to do was say "sorry, it's chronic. I'm not sick." (seriously, I'm not!) But clearly it wasn't enough, not to mention I couldn't get half the words out without gasping for air and starting a new fit. 5/8

I ended up having to do like $200 worth of groceries in the self checkout lane because I was so mortified and didn't want to continue to freak out my poor cashier, as well as all the other people that were already scrambling to steer clear of me. 6/8

Then I walked in shame out the door and to my car, all the while with everyone's eyes on me, staring daggers into my soul as if I'd just doomed everyone within a 30 foot radius. 7/8

So I'd like to apologize to all the people at my local grocery store who will go home tonight wondering if they got too close to the guy who sounded like someone was taking a meat mallet to his lungs. You don't have Coronavirus......probably. 8/8