Star Trek makes *far* more sense if it's secretly a culturally translated story... about wizards with sufficiently advanced magic. It was just reworded as "technology" so we Muggles could relate. Don't believe me? The evidence is undeniable: 1/16
First, you know how the Federation ship is always running across aliens with amazing new plot-device technology? Wondering why the Federation ship doesn't pick up the tech and keep it for the next episode? It's because those are race-specific magic and spells! 2/
This is why the Borg are a huge deal. In our world, using someone else's technology is a matter of ordering it off Amazon. In the hidden real story of Star Trek, although the Borg aren't geniuses, they can *use your own race's magic*! Terrifying! 3/
All the "alien" races can interbreed with humans and each other... which proves they didn't evolve on different planets. Those ships aren't in space in the first place! They're flying castles, traversing oceans and fiery abysses to explore faraway lands. 4/
And talking to those aliens? There's no such thing as "universal translator" technology that instantly works on aliens with no prior language corpus. Minus-infinity-shot learning? If you could do that in real life, it would be *unmistakeably* supernatural. It's a spell. 5/
The Prime Directive seems evil, but there could have been a *lot* more harsh lessons in staying hands-off... if you sometimes ran across cultures with weird magic who'd never heard of outsiders, for some reason. You *can't* just altruistically leave them a science textbook! 6/
Their greater feats of engineering run on alchemy, not chemistry. Small ships can get by on simpler spells, but the larger "warp cores" can only be maintained by wild-eyed madwizards. (In our terms: SOTA-pushing "big data" projects with 217 inscrutable layers.) 7/
Data is a golem. He's a golem made by a legendary wizard who only made two of them. Their entire society looks nothing like it would look if Data was the frontier of machine learning technology. 8/
Human genetic engineering wouldn't still be outlawed 400 years in the future. Bashir's parents didn't go to a clinic to enhance their kid - they used horrific blood magic, demonic bargains, and sacrificial rituals. 9/
I have no idea how the "holodeck" spell works, but given the ways we've seen it malfunction, I guarantee it's not holographic pixels and force field emitters being controlled in absolute detail by a digital program. There's definitely spirits involved. 10/
Their consoles explode... because you can't just run magic at a lower voltage. The controls work by sympathetic magic, and they blow up when the controlled system blows up. 11/
They teleport "away teams" into dangerous situations, instead of drones, because drones can't use magic. They often have to send senior officers, because those are the more powerful wizards. 12/
Also, there is no such a thing as a "transporter malfunction" that accidentally de-ages you. That's like a plane crash that accidentally de-ages you. A list of "transporter accidents" is alone sufficient to carry this entire argument. 13/
They don't have seatbelts, because their society never went through an automobile phase. Nobody has invented a reliable, affordable, quickly utterable, universally castable "phaser" spell that strikes as fast and as invisibly as a bullet. 14/
The most telling sign of all: there's no global frontier of science! There are powerful ancient races and gods... because that's how far those magical systems could go. Not because that's how far a galaxy-wide library of universal truths got. Only Borg replicate studies. 15/
You can't unsee it! It's clear that the Star Trek universe doesn't run on sufficiently advanced technology. It's all sufficiently advanced magic, being used the way it *would* be used in real life - ubiquitously, to raise living standards for everyone. 16/END
