The president put his stupid son-in-law in charge of one of the biggest most deadly crises in modern history, a decision that will cost lives.
It's an insane thing to do on the face of it and very obviously an impeachable offense.
"Scrutiny, criticism."
It's an insane thing to do on the face of it and very obviously an impeachable offense.
"Scrutiny, criticism."
I honestly think if Trump said that he saw a little talking blue man named Lumpsy, and that Lumpsy was going to be leading the pandemic response team, if media would basically be like "President's Invisible Friend's Role in Pandemic Response Causes Alarm For Some."
The only headline to any story anymore is "President Trump And Republican Party Continue To Be Global Existential Threat"
"Lumpsy is continuing to look into ventilators and all aspects of medical, and he's looking into them very strongly. Lumpsy doesn't appreciate these nasty questions. He's closed his eyes, he's so mad. I feel bad for the way the Fake News Liars have treated Lumpsy." 
"No, Jim, you can't see Lumpsy. Now Jim. Jim. The president has been VERY clear that only he sees Lumpsy, but Lumpsy is obviously very real and blue, and if he weren't then how would he be doing such a wonderful job for Americans in this perfect pandemic response we're seeing?"
"Lumpsy is displeased—VERY displeased, and I think it's a terrible thing. There's a governor I won't name, but she's in Michigan. We're going to bomb Detroit for her unbelief. It's not my decision, it's Lumpsy's, but I trust his judgement and I have the total right to do so."
"I can't see love. I can't see the smell of cookies baking. I can't see your own genitals when you pee. I can't see my children anymore because of my wife. People, we can't see so many things. Why is everybody *obsessed* with whether or not people can see Lumpsy?"
"This relief bill is a tremendous victory, something that nobody else has done in history, and nobody else could have accomplished it except for me and my good pal, Lumpsy here."
"I don't know anybody named Lumpsy and I don't think I've ever heard the president mention Lumpsy, but Lumpsy is doing a great job. All hail Lumpsy."
"Sir, my question is, what do you say to critics who point out that it's dangerous to give vital jobs to an imaginary friend named 'Lumps—"
"That's a nasty nasty question. You're fake news."
"That's a nasty nasty question. You're fake news."
"Lumpsy is a distraction. Trump would love for us to make this election all about Lumpsy. The American people don't want us to fight Lumpsy, they want us to work with Lumpsy to craft legislation with tax advantaged solutions to the problems desperate Americans face."
"Look, Lumpsy is popular among working Midwestern voters, and he's making some great points, and the voters who are dying from Lumpsy's lack of actually existing aren't going to vote in November. I think it's time for the Democrats to realize they have a real Lumpsy problem."
*unbearable sounds of a million children screaming in pain*
"Liberals have come completely unhinged because they can't handle the great job Lumpsy is doing! They can't even SEE Lumpsy! I can see Lumpsy! All of us can see Lumpsy! Anybody who can't see Lumpsy is an unhinged liberal American-hating traitor!"
"You're damn right I seen Lumpsy. We all see Lumpsy. I seen him all along. If you don't see Lumpsy you can get the hell out of my town. I don't care his skin's blue, I ain't racist, he's keepin us safe from the Mexicans and the Muslims and that's good enough."
"And we love Lumpsy, don't we, folks. We love Lumpsy. They said ten million would die. Many were saying twenty million. Only 4 million dead—an amazing job, tremendous. Lumpsy kept us safe, folks. Lumpsy kept us safe. Just 4 million—and that's according to the Fake Failed News."
"Look, I was staunchly Never-Lumpsy last year. But after only letting 4 million Americans die, I've been impressed. I'll tell you, the Democrats had better be careful, because as a centrist moderate, if it's between Warren and Lumpsy in 2024, I'm voting for Lumpsy."
"Oh Lumpsy we know you are mighty, we know that you are blue, we know you're in this room with us now, Lumpsy, and we just pray that you'll give this leader the strength and the wisdom he needs to build larger and more punitive prisons across this land, and also tax cuts, amen."
