Thread by @HNIJohnMiller

1) The MAGA Night Before Christmas, something I spent WAY too much time on

2) 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

The Democrats were screaming, Pelosi the most

3) Tax cuts were passed sent to the White House with care,

In hopes that Trump would sign 'em before the New Year

4) The lobbyists were hiding under their beds

As prosecutors rain indictments o'er their heads

5) Junior with his posse, Melania in her dress

At Mar-A-Lago hosted a dank Christmas bash

6) When at the front desk arose such a clamor,

Security sprang forward to see what was the matter

7) They dove into action and drew forth their gats,

The spotlight fell onto the scufflin' mass

8) As a horde o' party crashers forced their way past.

And what to the crowd's confusion appeared

9) But Sanders and the Dems like security feared

10) With McCain to the back, confused where he was

And Schumer with a bullhorn screaming his cause.

11) More rapid than seizures, his speeches did bore

But against them stood tweeters, Trump at the fore

12) "Now! Wictor, Drawandstrike, on Imperator!

"On! Hannity, Tucker, Scott Adams and more!

@ThomasWictor @drawandstrike @Imperator_Rex3 @ScottAdamsSays @seanhannity @TuckerCarlson

13) "Away to the windows! All the way to the walls!

"Drop away! Drop away! Sweat drop down my balls!"

14) With a 'Tweet Tweet!' they attacked, the sick burns did fly

Tweet threads and analyses, crazy theories they ply

15) Blown out were the lib'rals, into the night they all flew

Screaming the reindeer were female-- prol'ly minorities too

16) And then with a chiming the alerts flooded in

As across the internet the approval began

17) As I watched from the crowd the announcements were made

A business roll call, employee bonuses paid

18) Forward came Sessions, Wray and Rosenstein et al

Their clothing muddied from making swamp monsters fall

19) Binders full of scandals were stacked up in their arms

They looked like three cowboys home fresh from the farms

20) His eyes‍—‌how they twinkled! Sessions had such a smile

A wry grin he sported, as Stealthy Jeff read his file

21) He said investigations that we long thought were lost

Were being reopened no matter what the cost.

22) Rand Paul stepped forwards, for a Festivus grievance

Flipping the bird to those cheering on his assailant

23) McConnell was next wanting to end turtle jokes

They were not all that funny, and did not make sense!

24) Trump Junior complained about all the closed hearings

McCain was confused; was he still in Arizona?

25) I sipped on my bourbon as I slid to the back

And onto the golf course staring into night's black

26) Out there were McMaster, Kelly, Pence, and Mattis

I kept my sorry mouth shut as each raised their glasses

27) They gave a toast to the flag, country, and soldiers

To players free to kneel, and to calling them losers

28) Donald joined the last second, diet coke held high

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."