1. What is the story? This is about character and plot.
2. How will I tell the story? This is about genre, structure and point of view
3. Why will we care? This is about the protagonist
4. Why do I need to tell these stories now? This is about theme, irony, relevance
Tighten action lines so verbs are more active. So lines fit on less lines. More white space, faster read.
Re-structure and re-order scenes.
Voila! I have a SECOND DRAFT.
And wait for notes... THE END.