I am not alone in this. We talk about #survivors, but we never talk about how we're supposed to become a survivor.
I wasn't killed, but I was beaten, bitten, punched, slapped, sodomized and raped.
I have permanent scars.
We don't talk about the testing for hepatitis,gonorrhea, syphilis,HIV or how that goes on for months.
We don't talk about how every day you have to repeat your story.
That feeling never fully goes away no matter how kind they are or how feminist you are.
We don't talk about the damage rape does to you and everyone close to you.
We don't talk about how badly police add to all your complicated feelings.
We don't talk about how angry and wounded you are after and how long that lasts.
We don't talk about the physical scars.
How hard it is to go back to work. How hard it is to decide who you can and cannot tell.
We don't talk about how badly some people behave toward you or how some people feel your rape is about them, not you.
We don't talk about how when you close your eyes, you see him, and so you sleep little.
We don't talk about how many victims self-medicate.
We don't talk about what it takes to be sexual again.
We don't talk about the complexities of intimacy after someone has violated you.
We just tell women it's over, move on, STOP TALKING ABOUT RAPE.
EXCEPT WE WERE VICTIMIZED.
I survived, but not because he didn't want to kill me--just because he was interrupted from killing me.
Survivor is a word we were told to embrace--like it or not.
I want people to know how many women haven't gotten justice.
She will talk about it as long as she needs to. It's not about you. It's about her.
This is happening to women every day.
I'd like men to stop weaponizing their penises & their power.
I'd like men who don't rape to stop being #rapeapologists for men who do.
I'd like the world to be an equal sexual landscape.
I'd like you to think about what I've written here.