Thread by @matociquala

I'm going to talk about the "whisper network" for a minute here, because it's a term that's getting thrown around a lot and I suspect a little structural discussion would be useful.

The whisper network isn't one thing. It's not a single secret slack or IRC channel or mailing list, anymore than the Silk Road was a single six lane highway.

The whisper network is friends talking to friends talking to friends.

You get plugged in by making friends, obviously, but not everybody knows all the whispers.

And the higher up the power structure people are, the less likely they are to know.

This seems counterintuitive, but look at it this way: I'm pretty well known in the industry at this point and I'm BUSY. I try very hard to make space for new writers, to mentor them, to warn them off people I know are a problem.

I generally know about people I was warned about in my turn when I was in a more vulnerable position.

Or people in my own peer group I've witnessed behaving badly. And a few younger pros I've seen playing gaslighting games. But I don't remotely know all of the problems.

So the whisper network is full of holes. And disagreements. There are people I think are bad actors who are generally accepted, and there are people who will cheerfully tell you I'm a bad actor, too.

(I'm not just talking about sexual harassment here but various forms of bullying, gaslighting, and abuse.)

Also, and here's a big one (That I don't think got mentioned in @leeflower's excellent thread on red flags) would-be abusers don't just hang around pretending to be better friends with "powerful" people than they are.

They actively patrol. They hang out at the margins and try to bring people who feel alienated into their circle, and then keep them alienated by building distrust.

They alternate in - group love bombing with negging and abuse (often triggered by the target trying to set a boundary.) in classic abuser control tactics.

Sexual and social predators use these tactics.

If somebody makes you feel like you can't set a boundary because you will be punished, or if you become anxious around them after you know them well, GET AWAY. That is your nonverbal brain being smart. Trust it

Look for opportunities to join established social groups. Watch out for people who want to cut you out for special attention. Remember that the whisper network is about a squillion interlocking networks and none of them have all the information.

Publishing has no centralized power structure and many of us are freelancers. We're a community as much as an industry, and there are plenty of interpersonal conflicts that are just that. And abusers can weaponize those conflicts, or--

-- claim marginalized status (or claim there's no such thing as marginalized status!) in order to protect themselves from consequences for their abuse.

We're still trying to figure out working models to protect people.

One thing we can all do, though, is work to create robust social networks, and if something happens that harms us, or we suspect somebody is a problem, tell people about it.

One thing those of us with existing social connections can do is try to be welcoming and approachable, though that can backfire too--

--as predators will pounce on the opportunity to make that connection and then use it as a platform to abuse.

Ask me how I know.

It's a complicated fucking problem.

Be careful out there, and take care of your buddies.