Thread by @TheRickWilson

1/ The SCENE: late at night, the Allenwood Federal Correctional Facility. No heavily-barred cells here at Club Fed. Instead, the dorm room accommodations are college-dorm spartan, but not grim.

The corridor lights are dim, in keeping with the AFC's commitment to a green world.

2/ A man walks quietly down the hall, his Chacos flapping a staccato rhythm as he shuffles down the corridor. He stops before a door with a small plastic nameplate in a metal frame to one side. He breathes in, smelling sandalwood from an essential oil dispenser within.

3/ The nameplate reads, "Kushner, J." The man knocks softly, once, twice. "Yo...it's me." There is no answer. "J-Dogg, it's me, man. Open up." The only sound is the hum of an air conditioner vent overhead.

4/ Still nothing. He knocks again, louder. "J-DOGG, brah. Open UP." From within, a voice answers, sleepy, irritable, but with a girlish softness the man finds both strangely arousing and has trouble reconciling in his mind. "What the fuck, Shkreli? It's 11:30."

5/ "Brah. I'm serious. Let me in." Silence. Shkreli this whispers, almost sotto voce, "It's about Page."

The lock clicks. Jared is wearing a smoking jacket, velvet slippers, and a silky lounge pants. He glances left, right, and peers at his unwelcome visitor.

6/ Shkreli slips inside and Kushner closes the door behind him. The former President's former son in law eyes his guest carefully. They weren't friends, precisely, but even here, it helped to have allies. The two men had little in common.

7/ Kushner had tried to like Martin's hippty-hop musical tastes, but his love of Enya and Yanni meant the gap was wide. Martin, for his part, had tried to make fewer fart jokes when he saw how pale Jared became when listening.

8/ Martin spat it out, "Page is coming. Here. To Allenwood." Kusnher, already pale, became so alabaster he practically glowed.

"CARTER Page?" he whispered.

"Yeah, bro. Carter Page. He did 2 years in Florence. They say he's..."

Jared interrupted, "...they say he's WHAT?"

9/ Martin liked it when Jared got fired up like that. Sometimes, J would even demand a second round of Pictionary if his competitive juices were flowing. But tonight, he needed his friend to listen.

"They say he got into weights. That he's swolt.

"Swolt? What is that?"

10/ Martin sighed. "Dude. Carter is a beast now. He's yuge. And he's coming for you."

"For me? We'll see about that. I do yoga twice a week, and my cardio is excellent."

Martin can't believe what he's hearing.

11/ "Dude. I told you had to get hard. I told you the Wu Ain't Nothing to..."

Jared shushed Martin. "You know I don't like that language."

"Fine...but he's coming here. We need allies. You gotta rally your homies, homie."

"I prefer to think of them as associates."

12/ "OK. We gotta talk to the rest of the boys." They pad down another corridor to Nunberg's room. Even at this hour, they can hear the sound of Nunberg's headphones. On his door there's a hand drawn sign saying, "If this room's a-rockin' don't come knockin'"

13/ Nunberg saw Kushner first, and becomes wild-eyed. "I did NOT ask Ivanka for those pictures. She SENT them. I have needs," he spit out, defensively.

Kushner, confused, said, "The ones of me as an 18th-century French shepherdess?" Martin shakes his head behind Jared's back.

14/ Sam got it. "What's up?"

Kushner whispered, "Page is coming. Here. I..." he pauses. "I...need your help."

[TO BE CONTINUED]