Thread by @KaiaSonderby

I probably don't need to tell you that the next chapter, Still Life, starts with a pretentious quote.

#HellMother

I am not exactly thrill with #HellMother 's decision to reveal that Zack went through a phase of spreading his own feces all over himself and his bedroom. Remember, she has no real consent from him to tell any of this.

But considering they lock him in his room at night, a bit of

smeared feces to clean up seems less than they deserve.

Also, chill, #HellMother. At four *I* jumped through a glass table *in a store*. Feces? Not the worst thing you could've ended up dealing with.

I'm not going to lie, I find it hilarious that #HellMother and Hell Father have to be on constant poo watch. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

"I'm chained to this denigrating, unpaid forced labor with no tangible reward for all my sacrifice."

This is NOT forced labor. You CHOSE to have a kid. You LET your husband divorce himself from the bulk of the work. Take your martyrdom and stuff it, #HellMother

"'Normal' assaults me on every street corner, smothering me with flaunting reminders of how truly dislocated I am from the joys of parenting." #HellMother

Because you continue to torture your child with ABA and lock him in his room at night. There is no room in my heart for

sympathy for #HellMother.

"The only thing worse than wandering the streets is returning home, my tomb above ground where I'm often greeted by indifference, aggression, or anger."

Like how you lock Zack in his room every night with no consideration for how it makes him feel?

"I may be helpless and out of control, but I retain one last vestige of power--the ability to guilt them."

An ability that exists to this day, if her current behavior is anything to go by. #HellMother

"At it's very worst, autism feels like a living, walking, breathing nightmare."

You're the living, walking, breathing nightmare, #HellMother. You know the ABA is hurting him. You've seen it, you've acknowledged it. Yet you persist. And as such you're experiencing the fallout of

your selfishness.

It's hard to be sure of the precise emotion that drives Zack, but there is no doubt in my mind that the relentless therapy and the denial of all comforts--autistic behaviors such as flapping or rocking with which he can express himself--plus the unwillingness

to give him a chance to just be a child, as he is, without striving for this conception of the perfect "normal", is what is driving his anger and aggression. #HellMother

He was taught words for red and dog and truck and I want, but no one taught him words for "Stop, this is

hurting me." They drilled and drilled and drilled him on words, but none with which to express his discontent, his fear, his anger. Thus he is expressing it in the only ways he can figure out how. #HellMother

This is where I stop for the night. I know this read through is

taking a long time. But I want to be thorough.

I know a lot of my fellow autistics could not bear to read this, and I don't blame them one bit.

I also know they need--and many of them want--to know at least to some extent what they're up against. #HellMother

So I will continue

to the bitter end. I am great at compartmentalization. When I put this down and step away, it hurts me less than it might hurt some.

My activism has slackened some over the years while I've grappled with insomnia, fibromyalgia, hypermobility and type 2 bipolar disorder. I

hated that. Especially since the autism community has given me so much.

Weird though it might sound, #HellMother 's book allows me to give back. If what I'm doing now can protect even one child from such tortures, I'll have achieved a lifetime's worth.