I had a disappointing conversation with a male writer friend about sexual harassment recently. He had chosen to "stay out of it." I tried to explain why this all a big deal and staying out of it was only hurting people.
And his response was, "Well, I hope everyone knows how worried and scared we are." First thought: he's worried and scared that sexual harassment is so pervasive and damaging to women? Great start! But...
"How worried and scared we are that men are being attacked and maybe I'll be falsely accused."
Hm. Okay. Couple problems with that.
Hm. Okay. Couple problems with that.
1. If you're worried you'll be falsely accused then you must believe that the accusations up to this point false. That the women are lying.
2. In a moment where so much of the persistent, toxic, systemic, unbelievable damage men often cause women is coming to light, you're choosing to center men's feelings. Again.
This is a really nice, kind, great guy. And it was a little crushing to hear him say these things. "But what if the accusations are anonymous." "It just sounded like consensual affairs to me." "Men are really worried right now." "Better to not get involved."
Please believe, you are involved. We are all involved. Your silence is a vote to maintain current power structures: men in charge and believed and protected at all costs, even the abusers; women disbelieved and overlooked and dismissed.
I can believe that a lot of men don't get it. They don't get how sexual harassment works, why it's a problem, and what it does to women. But that's no excuse. Writers should be naturally curious! Show some curiosity and EDUCATE YOURSELF.
Same goes for white people x 10. We don't fundamentally get racism. We're protected from it. That's no excuse to dismiss it and believe POC are "overreacting" when they try to explain.
