Thread by @akmd87

Long, long thread. A re-write of @LadybirdBooks Sleeping Beauty to make it fit for the 21st Century:

Once upon a time, there lived a kign and queen wo were very happy, except for one thing. They both longed to have children but they had none. (1)

Now it happened one day, when the queen had been bathing, that a frog crept out of the water. The queen told the frog all about her longing for a child and felt much better. (2)

Later that year, she found out that she was expecting a baby. She and her husband were delighted. (3)

Soon, a baby daughter was born to the king and queen and they were filled with joy. Lots of their subjects came to see the new princess and were thrilled to share in the young family's happiness. (4)

The king and queen were so proud of their baby daughter that they ordered a wonderful christening feast to be prepared.

They invited all their friends to the feast, as well as kings, queens, princes and princesses from other kingdoms. (5)

Some good fairies lived in the land and the king and queen wanted them to be godparents to their daughter. Now, there were thirteen fairies in the kingdom, but one was very shy and no one had seen him for years. (6)

As the king and queen only had twelve golden plates, they invited just twelve of the fairies to come to the christening feast. The shy fairy was not invited. (7)

When the christening feast was over, the good fairies went up to the princess to give her their magic gifts, (8)

The first fairy said, "You shall be clever and brave."

The second fairy said, "You shall be kind and loving."

The third fairy said, "You shall be as wise as you are beautiful."

The fourth fairy said, "You shall be talented at singing and dancing." (9)

When eleven of the fairies had given their gifts, the baby had been promised everything in the world one could wish for. (10)

At that moment, the thirteenth fairy arrived. He was furious that he had not been invited to the feast. Pointing to the baby, he cried in a loud voice, "When the princess is fifteen years old, she shall prick herself with a spindle and fall down dead." (11)

Without another word he rushed out of the palace.

All the people at the christening feast were silent with horror when they heard the words of the wicked fairy. The king and queen began to cry and their friends did not know how to comfort them. (12)

Then the twelfth good fairy who had not yet given the baby her gift, stepped forward.

"Do not weep, your Majesties", she said. "I shall do what I can to help. I cannot undo the evil spell, but I can soften it a little." (13)

"The princess will prick herself with a spindle," went on the twelfth fairy, "but she shall not die. Everyone in the castle will fall into a deep sleep. After one hundred years, the evil spell will be broken by a good prince." (14)

The king and queen thanked the fairy for her kindness. Yet they were worried about their daughter and what would happen to their kingdom while they slept for one hundred years. Their friends promised they would help to rule the kingdom until they awoke. (15)

As time went by, the baby princess grew into a lovely girl: clever, kind and caring. All the gifts that the good fairies had promised were hers. She was happy and she made all who knew her happy too. (16)

The king and queen loved their daughter greatly. They told her about the fairies' spells and taught her to use her gifts wisely. (17)

The king and queen started a school for the children who would grow up and help their friends rule the kingdom while they slept. The princess travelled far and wide to visit all the countries with good kings and queens and they promised to help break the evil spell. (18)

Now it happened that on the very day when the princess was fifteen years old, the king and queen were not at home. (19)

To stop herself from being scared about the evil spell, the princess wandered all over the castle. She opened the doors of doxens of rooms that she had never seen before. (20)

At last she came to an old tower. She climbed up the narrow, winding staircase and found a little door at the top. She turned the rusty key in the lock and the door opened. (21)

There, in a little room, sat an old woman at her spinning wheel busily spinning flax.

"Good day, good dame," called the princess. "What are you doing?"

"I am spinning, my child," replied the old woman.

"Oh," said the princess. (22)

The princess was afraid but she was very brave. She did not want her parents and her friends to return to the castle and be trapped in sleep by the evil spell.

"Please, let me try," she whispered. (23)

No sooner has the princess touched the spindle than the fairy's wicked words came true, She pricked her finger.

As soon as she felt the prick of the spindle, the princess fell upon the bed in a deep sleep. (24)

The old woman fell asleep in the chair. And every other living creature within the palace also fell asleep. (25)

At that very moment, the king and queen returned home for their daughter's birthday. They fell asleep in the great hall of the castle. The lords and ladies who were with them fell asleep nearby. (26)

In the stables, the horses fell asleep. In the courtyard, the dogs stopped barking and fell asleep. On the roof, the pigeons stopped cooing and fell asleep. On the castle walls, the flies stopped crawling and fell asleep. (27)

In the kitchen, the fire died out and the food stopped cooking. The cook fell asleep and so did the scullery boy.

In the garden, the grass stopped growing and the bees stopped buzzing and fell asleep too. (28)

The whole palace became silent. Not a living creature moved. The wind dropped and, on the trees in the castle garden, not a leaf stirred. (29)

A hedge of thorns sprang up around the palace and its gardens. Every year, the hedge grew higher and higher and thicker and thicker. At last it grew so tall that it almost hid the castle. Only the topmost towers could be seen above it. (30)

The story of the lovely princess who lay asleep spread throughout the world. She became known as Sleeping Beauty. (31)

Many princes came to the castle from the kingdoms that had promised to help break the evil spell, hoping to awaken Sleeping Beauty. But the thorn hedge grew so thickly that none of the princes could force his way through it. (32)

They gave up and returned home to their kingdoms, teaching their children and their grandchildren and their great-grandchildren about Sleeping Beauty.

The kingdom was prosperous and year after year, good princes visited the castle but none could break the spell. (33)

After many years, a good and brave prince visited the kingdom. He had heard the tale of Sleeping Beauty and was determined to try to awaken her. An old man showed him the way to the castle. (34)

Now it happened that the very day on which the prince arrived was exactly one hundred years after Sleeping Beauty had fallen asleep. As the prince began to push against the hedge of thorns, every thorn turned into a lovely rose. (35)

The hedge opened of its own accord and let him pass through. And, as he passed, the hedge of roses gently closed again behind him.

The prince was spellbound as he made his way right through the flowering hedge. (36)

At last, he came to the courtyard of the castle, where the dogs lay sleeping. The prince wandered into the stables and there he found the horses all standing asleep.

Not a sound was to be heard in the whole of the castle. (37)

Next, the prince went into the castle kitchen. The cook and the kitchen maid stood asleep. The fire was out and the food was half cooked.

The prince walked further into the silent castle. There the king and queen sat asleep on their thrones. (38)

All was so quiet that the prince felt he should walk on tiptoes.

The prince wandered along the corridors. He looked in all the rooms he could find, but nowhere did he see Sleeping Beauty. (39)

At length the prince came to the foot of the highest tower. He began to climb the narrow, winding staircase. When he reached the door at the top, he pushed it gently open and stepped into a small room. (40)

There, on the bed, was Sleeping Beauty. For a long time, he looked at her in wonder, then he bent over and gently woke her.

Sleeping Beauty opened her eyes and gave the prince a wonderful smile. The she sat up, quite awake. (41)

She thanked the prince for waking her and breaking the spell. The prince gave her his hand and she stood up. Together they went down the narrow, winding staircase, along the corridors, down the main staircase, and into the great hall. (42)

At that moment, the king and queen awoke from their sleep. They were overjoyed to see their daughter awake and well, and they welcomed the prince who had broken the spell. (43)

Then the lords and ladies in the great hall awakened, and the whole castle began to stir.

In the kitchen, the fire began to burn and the food began to cook. (44)

In the courtyard, the dogs awakened and began to bark. In the stables, the horses were stirring and the pigeons on the roof awakened and flew into the sky. The grass began to grow again, the bees buzzed and the thick rose hedge that had surounded the castle melted away. (45)

The castle had come to life again after its sleep of one hundred years. Everyone in the castle was astonished and delighted.

A wonderful feast was prepared and the whole kingdom celebrated. (46)

The prince and the princess became friends, then they fell in love and, after some time, they were married and they all lived happily ever after. (47)

The End. (48)

Adapted and mauled by me, from Vera Southgate's retelling of the classic story published by @LabdybirdBooks Ladybird Tales, edition published in 2014. Kings and queens are equal partners, boys can be fairies, men cry, rulers can be responsible and girls can be clever and brave.

Old people aren't necessarily evil, evil people aren't necessarily old. Friends can help eachother out. Nations can lend a hand. No one should be kissed by a strange man while they're sleeping. Or get married to someone the same day they meet them. Looking at you, c4!

I should be able to tell my kids stories that I don't have to mentally edit to remove sexism, ageism and creepy consent issues.

I should also be able to type without a mass of errors. But it's 1.30am and I should be asleep. Excuse my late-night mental meanderings! Zzzz