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Jon Stout @jon_stout
, 16 tweets, 6 min read Read on Twitter
ME: Hi, um. Mr. Thanos, was it?
THANOS: That's correct.
ME: Could we just talk for a second here? I feel like if I'm going to die here, I'd appreciate having a clear understanding as to why.
THANOS: Hm. Well, I don't see why not.

#InfinityWar #Marvel #SpoilerAlert #Thanos
(I now pause for a half hour or so, specifically so @KolarRachel @eflind and others trying to avoid spoilers can mute this thread)
ME: So I understand that your lifelong goal is to curb overpopulation on a galactic / universal level.

#Thanos : Indeed.

ME: So I might disagree with your means, but rationally, I guess I can at least sort of see where you're coming from? Kind of? A little anyway.
ME: Here's my question, though -- there's a lot of planets in the universe. Surely not *every* single inhabited world is suffering from overpopulation? Take recently settled colonies, for instance.

T: True. There are many worlds that my crusade chose to pass over.
ME: I guess what I'm trying to say is, does it really make sense to cut the population of the universe in half without regard for the population density of the specific world they're on?

T: Even if I did, it is life's nature to expand until it runs out of available resources.
T: From that perspective, cutting the population on low-density worlds is just getting ahead of the problem.

Still, I take your point. I suppose that with the omnipotent power granted by the Stones, I *could* design my wish so that it only decimates overpopulated planets...
ME: Right?

T: ... but that would require math.

ME: Ah.

#Thanos #ThanosRealTalk #AvengersInfinityWar
ME: Have you tried talking to an economist, maybe?

T: Where do you think half my minions come from? Ebony Maw was even department chair at U of C.

ME: Ah.
T: Every time it's the same. I set them up with a chalkboard and the right databases, and five minutes later they all come begging to be sent to the front lines. Like frigging clockwork.

ME: Maybe try @SMBCComics ? This seems like his kind of jam.
ME: While we're on the subject, though... have you considered *non*-genocide-based solutions? Couldn't you just terraform a bunch of Venuses with a Gauntlet fingersnap, then teleport excess populations to those? Or maybe --

T: Look, kid. What do you want from me here?
T: Clearly, the writers are trying to substitute my insane crush on Lady Death from the comics with some sort of semi-rational ideology one could see an actual adult following, much less sacrificing their beloved daughter for. But they obviously didn't have much time...
T: ... what my deal is. It's an effing *ensemble piece.* Every character gets maybe one page to do their thing. If even that! How are they supposed to create a coherent ideology for me and my followers in that kind of time frame?!
T: Besides that sort of boring s*** is best saved for the tie-in comics or deleted scenes. Maybe my motives got trimmed so they could fit in Peter Dinklage's part. Can you blame them? Because I can't.

ME: Sure. Goes without saying, really.

T: It's Peter effing Dinklage!
T: Look, we're all here just doing the best we can with what we've got. I'm just happy they tried making me even a little more relatable than just Space Mark David Chapman on steroids. So if you'll excuse me, I really have to go and murder half the universe now.
ME: Well, it's not like I can stop you.

T: Clearly.

ME: I mean, best case scenario, all I could really hope to accomplish is distract you while @unbeatablesg sneaks up.

T: Wait, wha --

(cue unintelligible squirrel battle cry)

#TheEnd #AvengersInfinityWar #ThanosRealTalk
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