Thread by @MollyMcKew

Waiting for a friend in a dive-y Hill bar that is wonderful unless there is a Caps game on -- which of course there is, so, horrid -- and there's an awkward blind double date next to me and it's AWESOMELY BAD and I am so glad I am no longer dating in my 20s in DC.

Sitting next to them is an awesome lesbian couple with pink ombré fauxhawks playing a shooter game on their phones while watching hockey and casting disdainful looks at double date -- and I am reminded both why I love this bar and that I wish I could rock a fauxhawk/purple hair

Oh god -- now there's a congressman on a date trying to pretend like he's not a congressman on a date! That lapel pin will get you every time, bro.

Btw -- if you are at the bar, you can drink whatever you want. But you, table 1, are not allowed to drink vodka red bull when seated at a table that no one is dancing on.

Also, DC, I love you. Please do not talk about anti-aircraft weapons systems on a blind date.

Ps I love that my tweeps are nice tweeps. You're all fantastic by me.

But if you work for the secret service like table 1 here, I'm pretty sure you are not supposed to talk about it w/ strangers. This is funnier mid-southern accents. They have been riffing on FBI for 10 minutes

Omg the quieter of the two guys is now tweeting about how bad the date he is on is.

This is very meta.

Double date now blocked by two high profile DC journalists (who shall remain unnamed) talking about turning their podcast into a TV show. And then of course -- like all 2018 journos -- b****ing that editors edit too slow so someone always scoops them in the interim.

Waiter: what kind of cheese on your burger? [lists 15 cheeses]
Podcaster: .... Uuuuuummm. .... Do you have pepper jack? [Literally the one cheese not listed]
Waiter: nope. Sorry.
Pod: [interminable pause] ok, I'll just have a salad.

This is why people think we need AI.

Having asked questions about 6 beers before finally ordering an IPA (*sigh*), they are now discussing "Russian interference" which they do not understand and are blaming on @RobbyMook somehow -- which I could have told you would happen when they ordered IPA.

The journos are on to book proposals 🙄 -- but back at table 1, the silent tweeter has made a work excuse!! and walked out and now the double date is REALLY awkward bc none of these suits know how to capitalize on this situation. Food just arrived ...

... And of course both girls now pretending they aren't hungry/are psyched about salads while dude-bro inhales burger and talks about how he just ate thai food for the first time.

**amendment to previous rule -- you cannot drink vodka red bull with food for ANY REASON

Journo 1 now on to doubt that Russia is a thing (of course) and how MEWL-er just has to deliver but whatever, not a story. Journo 2: yeah but we have to play it up to keep the TV contracts.

**maybe if you ACTUALLY LEARNED SOMETHING re Russia, reporting on it would be easier.

Meanwhile, entering at table 4 are my weird silent neighbors who have 5 German shepherds that they walk individually and who I've never before seen in public w/o a dog.

They stay for 4 min before leaving, looking as mournful as always. There's a mournful story in every ginger

Journos now talking about this batsh*t piece from the Hill yesterday and how many journos are becoming pro-trump because anti-trump is too mainstream and defender of trump is the way to get attention.

Sigh. No one wants to know how the sausage is made.

Update on table 1: I think secret service may go home alone -- but I don't think the ladies will ((eyebrows)) woo woo
Silent Twitter left too early.

Oh last minute play by secret service who pivots the convo to handcuffs. Smooth.

Journos now fighting over check because it's clear the more famous one should pay but both of them want to be that. Are book sales the tiebreaker?

BOOM secret service just admitted he is really a Marshall which makes a lot more sense. I was briefly on his side but he lost me on a story about Interpol red notices.

Meanwhile the congressman is drinking a CIDER and I don't think he's getting a second date from the obviously more awesome Guinness drinker he is with.

I'm still tweeting bc apparently I was supposed to grab a beer to help micheal j fox decide his next job ...

... And he keeps texting every 15 min to say he is on his way SO SORRY got caught up w nobody boss -- obvi not anywhere near an uber -- and I am reminder why I no longer work w other people.

The Marshall is trying to lure staffers to his apartment w promises of scotch. They say hehehe we don't drink whiskey and DAMMIT LADIES I AM SENDING A ROUND OF SHOTS BECAUSE YOUR VODKA RED BULL IS A TRAVESTY

Why doesn't spellcheck do all caps? That was a lot of work.

Marshall goes home w/red bull!! who, and I am not making this up, walks out carrying rest of her unpoured red bull in her hand for "mixers". God I am glad I am a grown up. Anti-aircraft missiles taps out, taking home uneaten salad in a box.

Over/under on % of bad DC dates that end in leftover food in a box?

It's like the ultimate "no we're not going anywhere after this" signal.

As is, apparently, DCWM (drinking cider while male)

The Guinness just ran dry, which is a sign that Michael j fox is on his own with his career dilemma.

'Night tweeps

May flights of social inept swampers sing thee to thy rest

Ps there are way too many DC people who have some sort of "signature hate" that they wear indoors.

It's not 1928. You don't need a hat. Especially not THAT hat

That being said, as long as you wear symmetrical eye makeup, I don't really care what else is going on.

*hat