Thread by @GailSimone

I have to tell you about the greatest atrocity in cinema history and no, it's not GEOSTORM.

So, we were on the third leg of three flights to get to Puerto Rico, and it had already been a very long day, and I was a bit loopy. It was a Delta flight, so I have a procedure for this...

...which is, I either put in music or a film that I know so well, so thoroughly, that the part of my brain that responds to new stimuli switches off and hopefully I can nap for a few minutes (I can't sleep on planes, usually).

So I put on Die Hard on the seatback video screen. I love that movie, but I've seen it so many times that I don't really have to engage with it on any kind of real awareness level. All good, great plan, right?

Except, this turns out to inexplicably be the censored version. All the newer films, they're not censored at all. If there were boobs in Snow Dogs 3, we'd be looking right at them. But not DIE HARD.

So, the plan backfires, because guys, censored DIE HARD is f***ing HILARIOUS.

I mean, I don't intend to, but I can't help it, I just am DYING.

Because without the blood and boobs and cursing, it turns out that DIE HARD is a movie of the week from the 1970's, in a weird way.

It's still awesome, but it just feels like someone replaced the gunpowder with pudding mix.

So, I can't sleep because this horror is its own MST3K version. And I'm waiting for the scene, the most famous line in the movie.

And my anticipation level is way too high, for as sleepy as I should be. Because the LINE is coming.

What are they going to do to it? I figure they're just going to cut it short.

But I can't wait.

YIPEE-KI-YAY (SUDDEN CUT)

Then we're at the moment, the scene where McClain is talking to Hans Gruber and it's really a great reminder that this was two magnificently charismatic actors at their absolute peak of commitment...

And John says, "Yipee-ki-yay!"
And then 1 second later, the exact same phrase repeated.
"Yipee-ki-yay!"

They looped it. The exact, clearly distinct take, repeated immediately.

HANS: Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mister Cowboy?

McCLAINE: Yippee-ki-yay! Yipee-ki-yay!

And I just lost it. Middle seat, third leg of an all-day trip, everyone else is asleep or resting.

LOST.

IT.

John McClaine sounded SO HAPPY.

Yipee-ki-yay! Yipee-ki-yay!

I want an edit of the movie SO BAD where he's just running around saying these gleeful expressions of joy.

"Yipee-ki-yay! Hooray! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

"I got the detenators, GO ME!"

I cannot explain how goddamn hilarious this sounded to my sleep-deprived brain.

Of all possible solutions, this is the ONE that made John McClaine sound like a deranged child watching TV in the fifties.

The punchline of this bit is that that scene is immediately followed by a bloody kill scene, and my seat neighbor looked over to see what I was laughing at just as a guy is shot like 2000 times.

DIE SEMI-HARD.

"Oh, YOOHOO, Mr. Hans! YOOOOHOOOO!

Yipee-ki-yay, yipee-ki-yaaaaaay!

Now I'm over here!

Yipee-ki-YAAAAAAY!

Now I shot your friend!

Yipee-ki-yaaaay!

My feet hurt!

OWIE KA-BLOWIE!"