Totally true. So just fucking don’t!
Conversation is a co-created space that exists between two people. If it’s boring, it’s because you’re letting it be. You have the power to make it interesting.
Conversation is a co-created space that exists between two people. If it’s boring, it’s because you’re letting it be. You have the power to make it interesting.
“Small talk” is a pejorative term used by people who think it’s boring to listen to other folks talk. Everyone else just calls it “conversation.” These are tools to help you get over the idea that everyone else is boring, so you, too, can enjoy conversation instead of small talk.
Use them, or don’t. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Obviously I find them useful. I’m an introvert with poor natural social skills, and I learned these well enough to sometimes pass for good at it.
That doesn’t mean I always chat people up - just that I can, and I even have come to enjoy it, because I meet great people I’d’ve never be friends with if I’d looked at their list of interests.
It’s still a skill I keep mostly in reserve and bring out full force only at weddings, conference breaks, parties, and other stressful situations.
Afterwards sometimes I have to be just by myself for a few days. Despite all that, it’s still been an invaluable skill.
Afterwards sometimes I have to be just by myself for a few days. Despite all that, it’s still been an invaluable skill.
If I sound frustrated, it’s because my mentions are full of people saying they can’t make small talk, never could, never will, and they hate it because it’s boring, or difficult, or a waste of time...not because they don’t like people.
For some people it’s harder than others, particularly if they’re the frequent target of unwanted conversation from strangers.
But for the rest of us - COME ON. Everyone has limited extrovert points. It’s a good life investment to spend some figuring out how to do this.
But for the rest of us - COME ON. Everyone has limited extrovert points. It’s a good life investment to spend some figuring out how to do this.
Also...if you hate it or think it’s boring or think it’s a waste of time, all you’re saying is that you’re bad at it.
Which, ok, fine! I’m bad at plenty of stuff. Ice skating. Eye contact. And just as you can practice ice skating & eye contact - you can practice conversation.
Which, ok, fine! I’m bad at plenty of stuff. Ice skating. Eye contact. And just as you can practice ice skating & eye contact - you can practice conversation.
There’s so much learned helplessness out there - “I’m not a people person, I could never do it.”
Why not?
Seriously. You don’t have to get to Obama levels of charisma to get huge benefits from being able to connect - even slightly, even transitorily - with people unlike you.
Why not?
Seriously. You don’t have to get to Obama levels of charisma to get huge benefits from being able to connect - even slightly, even transitorily - with people unlike you.
I’m aware that this sounds a lot like I’m falling into the “My Amazing Journey!!” trap that I was talking about a few weeks ago.
We all reserve our most burning hatreds for the things that we ourselves are prone to.
We all reserve our most burning hatreds for the things that we ourselves are prone to.
But do give yourself credit for your amazing brain that can form new connections and learn new things. You get a say in what goes up there. ❤️
