Ok twitter, go and make that cup of tea and settle in. I'm going to spend a bit of time talking about something that we don't often share on here: FAILURE.
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You know that work I’ve tweeted about lately that I was really excited about? I’d got to the last (3rd) round, done a ton of documentation and pitch prep, and even spent some of my weekend making them a little bonus data vis. I didn’t get the project. Really gutted. 😞
In my younger life, as a bit of an over-achiever, I spent a lot of my life not failing. The only two memorable things were not getting a medal in an international sports event I was selected to compete in, and that sole A to go with the 9 A*s I got at GCSE level. Hard times 🙄
As life went on, I failed more. I’m now self-employed, and whilst some projects involve others, many involve being judged as an individual. Likewise conference speaking. Do they want ME? It can be pretty crap when the answer is no.
Last year I had a couple of ‘no’s that knocked me quite a bit. It’s not just about ego, it’s often about confidence, identity, and crucially finances. A no can be the difference between a good year and a bad one. When you’re self-employed, that spills over into your personal life
Winning this would've guaranteed my best year ever, financially. However that’s not why I wanted it so much. It was my perfect sweet spot between technology and transformation, between 'technical' and 'non-technical' (bleh). I know I'd've done an excellent job. I was so excited.
When you’re not picked for something that feels absolutely made for you, you can start to question yourself. I know that I’m not alone here, but like I said, I don’t think enough of us are open about this. We don't want to give the impression that we're bad at anything.
However if all anyone ever shares is success, we get a really false view of the world. I’d like to share a few things that I’ve learnt are important as part of this process, in case they can help anyone out there who needs to see beyond the shiny:
1. It’s ok to feel shit! You lost, that sucks, you’re not a lesser person for caring. In fact, you should use this to help you identify what really matters to you. Why did you care so much? How can you use that information?
2. Work is just like a relationship. Sometimes you’re more into them than they are to you. Don’t be entitled. Sometimes you’ll get on fantastically, but they want someone taller, a different gender, from a different background. You can’t change that.
3. Competitive processes are also like job interviews. They’re two way. If you don’t feel you gave the best account of yourself, don’t hate on yourself too much - if everyone’s not bringing the best out of each other it’s not the right fit.
4. Unintended wins. Maybe you weren’t right for this but you’ve had a chance to show off your skills, and perhaps there’ll be something else or you’ll end up getting recommended elsewhere. Did you make anything useful as part of the process? Will next time be easier?
5. Get testimonials. They’re good to show you’re capable of, but also good to read back if you’re doubting yourself later. Three lovely people wrote me new testimonials specifically for this, so I can't tell myself they're old or irrelevant.
6. Always ask for feedback - about you, and why they selected the other party. Apparently I was *2nd* out of over 300 expression of interests. I did nothing wrong, the other party just had a background that they thought was better aligned.
7. Try to separate who you are professionally with who you are as a person. Our lives get very intertwined, so be mindful of this.
If you’re out there feeling shitty about not achieving something that you wanted, you’re not alone. Be kind to yourself, reach out to your friends, and most importantly don’t let yourself lose the drive that made you put yourself out there in the first place.
Right, I’m off to buy myself cake to celebrate getting so far, and to think about what I can take away from this process 🍰
P.S. I’ve MAGICALLY now got a huge gap in my schedule from the end of July, so if anyone wants to drop an exciting mix of the web/technology, strategy, and cultural change into my lap I’m open to chats. Email as always on the site in my bio 😉
