1) Holy. Freaking. Crap. SHE’s running again.
2) Say what?! Yep, you heard me.
You: No way!!
Me: Yes way.
You: Okay but really, though, you’re pranking us, right, SJ?
Me: Wrong. It’s happening. You can take it to the bank.
You: No way!!
Me: Yes way.
You: Okay but really, though, you’re pranking us, right, SJ?
Me: Wrong. It’s happening. You can take it to the bank.
3) The decision is made. Whether they have to keg-toss Hillary into minivans from Iowa to Florida and back again, SHE IS IN.
4) And hold onto your hats, folks, because all the usual suspects are jumping in with her. Huma. Podesta. Mills. They’re all back on board. Desperate for redemption. Hoping to steal triumph from the humiliating defeat that is their legacy.
5) So there it is. The ultimate do-over.
November 3, 2020 is Groundhog Day.
November 3, 2020 is Groundhog Day.
6) Who will be her running mate you ask? You already know. THINK!! What unknown minority candidate has just been catapulted into the national spotlight? Who is the new media darling of the Radical Left? The newly declared ‘future of the Democrat party’?
7) CORRECT!! It will be a Clinton/Ocasio-Cortez ticket in 2020.
8) But she's ONLY 28! You have to be 35! Yes, you do. But there is a movement afoot to change all that and, I am told, an amendment already in the works with the blessing of McConnell and Ryan.
9) How did this happen? Isn’t it obvious? It happened because 2016 happened. It happened because Trump happened. It happened because NONE OF THIS was ever supposed to happen.
10) Be honest. Did you really think Obama bought a mansion in DC to cede control of the country? Did you really think he’d let his Legacy die like this? Not so fast, amigo.
11) But hold on a minute here, Clinton/Ocasio-Cortez? The newest face in town with the oldest in the game? Yes. Politics makes strange bedfellows. And beggars can’t be choosers. Ocasio-Cortez has the hearts and minds but Hillary controls the MONEY.
12) Just as it appeared the Democrats had splintered into a million pieces and Bubba & Co would be sent out to pasture in Little Rock, a bizarre and wholly unexpected phenomenon occurred inside the crumbling walls of the DNC. Rational minds prevailed.
13) The warring factions broke bread and declared a truce. An uneasy truce but a truce nonetheless. And it’s one last hayride for HRC.
14) Now I know what you’re asking yourselves. What about Bernie? Good question. Very good question. That was the high hurdle that needed to be cleared. And all you need to know is it WAS.
15) Close your eyes and conjure in your mind the image of a Vegas slot-jockey hitting the jackpot on his final nickel. That’s Bernie. Fists a-pumping. Pockets a-jingling. The details aren’t finalized yet but rest assured he won’t be pumping his own gas anytime soon.
/end.
/end.
