Thread by @Delafina777

I may have told this story already but I'm drinking my tea and musing on caffeine and other psychoactive products we consume regularly and so here's a story about my cat.

I was at a garden shop and noticed "lemon catnip" and was like whaaaaa? Most cats don't like citrus, so breeding a citrusy varietal of catnip seemed counterproductive. On the other hand, catnip has medicinal uses for humans, so maybe it was for that?

But in any case, I just sort of reflexively... bought it. I brought it home, and had other stuff to do before I could pot it, so I left it sitting on my balcony in its little plastic store pot. My cat wandered out and stuck her face in it.

And I'm like "okay, I guess the citrus doesn't bother you then--happy trails, kid." So I go inside and sit down on my couch and start working.

Some time later, my cat walks

v e r y s l o w l y

into the living room.

She looks around her for a bit, as if she's never seen the place before, and then staggers over to the wall, sits down in front of it, and starts talking to it. Chirps, mutters, occasionally purr-squeaks.

I was previously unaware that she and the wall were confidantes, so I watch this exchange with a certain bemusement. She's a lightweight, so I'm trying to figure out if this catnip is stronger than usual.

All of a sudden, she stands up and staggers over to the vacuum cleaner and
-BAM-
punches it.

I know she's wanted to do that for a long time but been too scared to, so I'm glad she finally found her the courage, even if it was catnip-fueled.

Of course, she punched it too hard and overbalanced and fell over, and then was like, "I guess I live here, now, on these four square feet of carpet."

Eventually she woke up from her angry nap and moved on with her life. So last summer, despite my attempts to teach her not to play with yellow and black things that buzz, she got stung multiple times because she was playing with wasps.

And each time, she came hopping over to me, holding up her stung paw and making a high-pitched distress noise.

Back to the present, shortly after the first lemon catnip encounter: I've gotten a book at the used bookstore and am sitting on my couch reading it, and have peeled off the price tag and set it on the cushion next to me.

I don't actually notice this happening, but my cat must have wandered over, seen the label, and poked at it. All I know is suddenly she's hopping around on three legs making a high-pitched distress noise. And I'm like "oh no, I thought we'd learned not to play with wasps..."

So I grab her and look at her paw to find out if there's a stinger I have to get out and see how swollen it is and... the label is stuck to it. I pull it off, she calms down, and we're all good.

I SHOULD have thrown out the label at that point, but instead I sit back down, pick up my book again, and deposit it on the cushion next to me to throw away next time I go to the kitchen.

My cat keeps wanting to jump up on the couch next to me, but then she notices the label is there and hisses at it. And, like, I SHOULD have gotten rid of it, but her obvious, intense resentment of it was hilarious, and I wanted to finish the chapter I was reading.

So she flounces out onto the balcony and buries her face in the lemon catnip. Cool, cool, maybe it will chill her out.

A few minutes later, she storms back into the room, sweeps right over to the couch, and punches the label.

Which gets stuck to her paw again.

Which prompts her to begin hopping around on three legs making a high-pitched distress noise.

I got rid of the label at that point, of course, because while her bitter resentment of it was funny, I don't want her in actual distress.

But, like, I'm not sure how alarmed I should be that my cat has zero actual problem-solving skills beyond doing catnip and punching things.