Thread by @GailSimone

Here is why my life is weird. I went out to get the mail at my house, and there were some packages, and I picked them up. As I turn around, I notice there's a thing off to one side of the porch. Cont.

So I reach down, and it's not a package.

It's a sword. A massive broadsword, in a leather sheath.

So, I am completely baffled by this. It's a massive sword, like a CONAN/RED SONJA style sword, super nice looking.

On my porch. Not in a package.

By the way, this is not some allegorical romp. It happened last week. Me, go out, get the mail, in my slippers.

Huge sword on the porch.

We are looking at it, and we take it out, it's just a gorgeous piece of work. I have a Sonja sword already but this is WAY more fierce.

Guys, beware of porch swords.

We could not for the life of us figure out why a sword was on our porch.

Did the Porch Sword Fairy come during the night?

Was I secretly called to be the Empress of a magic kingdom called Dunadale?

No one ever left a sword on my porch when I was a hairdresser.

So, I did the obvious, unavoidable thing.

I ran around the neighborhood hunting for orcs.

Seriously. Is this a common thing? Did anyone ever leave a mutant on Chris Claremont's porch?

AM I BEING CALLED TO ADVENTURE?

I've even named it.

PORCH-BITER.

There was no note. So we just got a random porch sword. I briefly wondered if a moistened bink had lobbed it at us.

I just want you to consider a morning where you wake up and there's iron age weaponry hanging around like a stray cat on your porch.

My theory is this. If the wardrobe is the gateway to Narnia, my porch could at the VERY LEAST be a black hole to Tacoma, Washington.

We were laughing, but at the same time, a little freaked out.

First we had A sword, now we had TWO.

Tomorrow, we could have FOUR and then probability becomes an issue.

My son agreed to model Porch-biter for us.

Now, here's the thing. There WAS a note. It was in the sheath. We didn't see it at first.

But it did not explain much.

It said, "Person's name" said you would like this. If that is not correct, call _________"

Now.

Okay, so we knew it was a gift. But we didn't know why and the whole thing was a bit confusing.

Frankly, I was a BIT disappointed that Gandalf didn't leave it.

It turns out, on Free Comic Book Day, a friend we knew came by and told the story. He MADE the sword, for me. He forged it on his own forge. A relative of his had been coming by and he had them stop and drop it off.

I don't want to say his name without permission, but...holy crap, you MADE me a SWORD? You forged it?

Man, if pirates ever come to my house, they're in TROUBLE.

So it turned out to be just a really amazing gift, and I love it dearly, and it's going in my office for when I am writing Sonja or Conan.

But for a minute. For ONE tiny minute...

...I thought I was being called to defend Asgard.