Thread by @atatimelikethis

You're married with kids, you both work, life is tough but you're getting by. You sometimes row but mostly get on.

One day the other half leaves you with the kids and the bills.

It's not an affair. It's worst. They're off to find themselves on a beach and have no plan.

Brexit

You have an OK job, it's not great but it pays. One day you get made redundant, it's devastating. How are you gonna pay the bills?

Your asshole boss says, "don't worry, you won't have to pay for the petrol to get to work, let's call that a bonus"

Brexit Dividend.

You lost your job. Luckily you had a bunch of mates who said you could share a flat with them.

You got back on your feet over time and found a nice new job after they clubbed together to help you.

Then you decided to bugger off without paying the rent. You're a tosser.

Brexit

You play footie with mates from work. Your team beats the guys in accounts 3:2.

Later it turns out your mate Nige paid the goalie to let two goals in so you could win.

You feel kinda sick inside when your boss suggests you're good enough to try for the league.

Brexit rigged

You resign. Your boss is sad to see you go but it's your decision.

"no, that's not what I meant" you say.

"I'm resigning but I'm still gonna want to use the printers, computers, toilets, kitchens and my desk"

"erm, why?"

"coz I believe in me"

Brexit muppetry.

You play footie, there aren't many rules but you have to turn up to practice.

You just can't be assed, not coz you're good, you're actually average, but you're lazy.

You tell your mates you're gonna leave unless they drop the practice rule.

It's a simple decision for them.

You share a garden with a neighbour. He has half the garden, you have the other half.

On a whim you decide you're gonna rip all the turf up and replace it with tarmac.

Can you do this legally? Yes.

Are you an utter twat? Also yes.

Brexit. The Irish border.

Never in the field of British Politics has so much been taken from so many by so few.

Brexit. Line the pockets of the tax evaders and tell the people it'll keep the foreigners out.

You want flexible working. Your choices: Either a full time employee with all the benefits or freelance with no benefits.

For two years you think about it.

"I'll freelance with full employee benefits"

"erm everyone would want that, it's not an option"

"you don't respect me"