I was raped when I was 23. I got married in 2004 at the age of 29. It took me until 2017, at the age of 42, to tell my husband what had happened to me. I still haven’t told my parents or siblings. Only close friends...and now you.
I was ashamed, scared, and confused about what happened to me. I was unsure about what to say or how to say it. I didn’t want others to pity me. I didn’t want to be labeled a victim.
It is not easy to expose your truth, especially when you fear repercussions and judgement.
My rapist should have held the fear but in this society, I knew that I would bear the brunt of ridicule. He was someone I knew, someone other people loved. They would have never thought he could do such a thing.
It took a long time to voice my truth. I not only owned it, I stood firm upon it. I made it my platform. I reclaimed my body and my mind. This work saved my life. Literally.
I took back my body and my power by learning about what I could do and feel if I were whole. I began to mend myself together. Elder women came along the way to help me. I didn’t have to voice my pain. They saw it and just knew.
Learning about the sacred nature of womanhood, the power of femininity, and the beauty of sex helped me to retrain my brain and heal internally. I was no longer broken.
So when you see me write about sex or hear me talk about it, know that it is coming from a place that was once very dark but is now full of the light of knowledge, empowerment, and strength. I fought to be able to speak like I do.
Not every woman can and should go about healing the way that I did. Professional mental health support is essential. So is having someone you can talk to. That’s why I became The Village Auntie.
I don’t only want to be a person that women can go to for advice about sex. I want to stand as a model of what can happen when you heal. I want women to know that our traditional ways can be a path back to wholeness.
Anyway, I just wanted to share that little bit. There is a lot more to the story that I’ll share at some point. But just know that when I say it’s not just about sex, I mean it. #TVAMovement
