Yesterday, I received a comment from someone who felt it wasn’t necessarily prudent for me to recommend wearing sexy clothing by it might lead one to act on impulse and possibly want to have sex. It doesn’t really work like that...
Encouraging sisters to be comfortable with their sexuality, to explore what it means to have actualized sensuality, isn’t an invitation to the haram. It is an open door to getting to know one’s self on a deeper level.
The reality is that women have been socially programmed to believe that every act that explores and celebrates sexiness must somehow be in anticipation of attention from a man or the possibility thereof.
What I teach and practice is the idea that you must first establish what sexy is to you before you engage in seeking external validation? Why is that, you say? Bc is you hinge your value on what someone else thinks, you risk putting yourself into a box and denying yourself agency
Sexiness extends beyond clothing. It is truly a mindset. To be sexy doesn’t mean that a person wants sex at every waking moment. It is the recognition of one’s power, desirability, strength, and allure. Clothing is a first step.
If what you consider sexy is only valid because someone else thinks so, you have robbed yourself of the ability to choose for yourself. And that is a death knell for any relationship. You can choose you. It’s okay. It’s best, actually. Because you matter.
So please don’t take me advising sisters to wear lingerie (if they so choose) as an invitation to excite the libido. It’s an invitation to explore the self, to find out that she likes, and to do more of that. Simple.
Also, I see the typos. I’m tired. The nerd in me wants to delete but y’all get what I’m saying. It’s not about him, it’s about you. Contrary to popular belief, the sexiest thing you can have is CONFIDENCE. Own it.
