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Jenny Lawson @TheBloggess
, 9 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
Did you know that if you have a central vacuum in your house you have to empty the tank? BECAUSE I DIDN'T.
Related: My house was just on fire.
THIS IS WHY I DON'T CLEAN.
I just assumed it emptied out into some sort of sewer.
Turns out it empties into a big tank in the garage. Which caught fire. My house smells like 4 years of burnt cats right now.
And when we opened the tank it exploded with garbage. All over Victor. And me. And the garage. Because OF COURSE IT DID.
And I don't own a vacuum to clean it up because there isn't an extension for the vacuum so I had to go buy a vacuum to vacuum up the vacuum.
The shop-vac I bought to vacuum up the vacuum is clogged up. Victor reversed the flow to clear it and it shot more garbage at me. Fuck this. I'm setting fire to the house.
“How did you not notice the tank in your garage?”
It’s in a closet hanging from the ceiling. (The tank is that giant ragu pot thing on the ground.) LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES.
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More from @TheBloggess see all

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Tell me it’s all worth it in the end.
Thank you for talking me through the dark last night. Depression & anxiety are such a cunning liars. It’s so easy to fall into the terrible parts of your mind after the house goes silent.
I’m bookmarking this thread for next time. Because it helped so much. And now I’m going to get up and make myself get out of this house and meet up with friends I haven’t seen in months and months. It’s gonna be okay.
Read 4 tweets
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Y’all. I’m about to tell you a story that might end with me being murdered by monsters so, trigger warning because I JUST FOUND A SECRET ROOM IN MY HOUSE.
We’ve lived here 5 years and Hailey has always complIned about hearing footsteps above her at night and I explained it’s probably just raccoons on the roof bc she’s on the second floor and nothing is above her...
...but I was just outside and noticed a tiny, curtained window on the third floor. EXCEPT WE DON’T HAVE A THIRD FLOOR.
Read 34 tweets

Related threads

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THREAD: Financial Independence:Retire Early (FI:RE) Series Part 1a. Understanding Money: PERCEIVED vs. ACTUAL value. #FIRE #FinancialLiteracy #FinancialIndependence #RetireEarly #TayoOyedeji
Formula 1. FI:RE is not about Money. But you need to understand money to attain FI:RE.
Money is:

1. A means of exchange for PERCEIVED value.
2. A store of ACTUAL value.

Understanding the dichotomy between PERCEIVED and ACTUAL value is the key to FI:RE.
Read 14 tweets
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🏳️‍🌈TODAY’S PRIDE HERO🏳️‍🌈
Harvey Milk (1930 – 1978)

Visionary #LGBTQ, civil, and human rights leader. One of the first openly gay elected officials in the U.S.

His life was tragically cut short when he was assassinated nearly one year after taking office.

#LGBTVoices
Harvey was born May 22, 1930, in Woodmere, NY. Harvey and his only sibling, Robert, worked in the family’s department store, “Milks.” They were a small middle-class Jewish family that had founded a Jewish synagogue and was well known in their community for their civic engagement.
Milk knew he was gay while attending high school, where he was a popular student w/ interests from opera to football.

While in college, Milk penned a weekly student newspaper column where he questioned issues of diversity and lessons learned from the recently ended World War.
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🏳️‍🌈TODAY’S PRIDE HERO🏳️‍🌈
Laverne Cox (age unknown)

The first openly transgender person to be nominated for an Emmy for acting, and the first openly transgender woman of color to star in a scripted TV series.

Known for her role on Orange is the New Black.

#LGBTVoices
Born in Mobile, Alabama. She and her twin brother were raised by their single mother, Gloria, who was a teacher.

While she was born biologically male, she always felt female.

Laverne was bullied and attempted suicide at age 11. But she found strength in her love for the arts.
Laverne attended high school at the Alabama School of Fine Arts before going to Indiana University and Marymount Manhattan College, where her twin brother also went and studied the visual arts.

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🏳️‍🌈TODAY’S PRIDE HERO🏳️‍🌈
Alan Turing (1912-1954)

An eccentric British mathematician, widely considered to be the father of computer science and artificial intelligence.

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#LGBTVoices
Turing spent much of his early life separated from his parents, as his father worked in the British administration of India.

At 13, he was sent to a large boarding school, with a rigid syllabus, so Turing studied advanced modern scientific ideas, such as relativity, on his own.
In his seminal 1936 paper, "On Computable Numbers," Turing proved that the theory of a universal algorithmic method of determining truth in math cannot exist.

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BREAKING: at least 3 dead after a man opened fire in a Waffle House in Antioch. He was naked. A patron wrestled his rifle away from him. Person of interest, Travis Reinking, 29, of IL, still at large.
Chuck Cordero, 50, works at this Waffle House but was there last night when he was off. He was in the parking lot about to go in when shooter pulled up. "I couldn't run I was so scared. I was crawling on the ground." 4 dead now, 4 wounded.
"He did not say anything. He pulled up, got out of his car and was all business." Witness tells me he fired several rounds from parking lot before entering restaurant around 3:25 a.m.
Read 30 tweets
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Know what . I got thoughts and feelings and a lil time so I wan to play this one out for yall in public on real scale : This is n extension of what they already do , it's the long game of their language AND IMMIGRANTS HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU ALL FOR YEARS
If you want to see someone damn near black out in rage about immigration who is in it or has skin in the game? Say "moral turpitude" and watch languages and accents FLY
Now I expect folks who do this more serious to correct me but "moral turpitude" is how many legal residents post IIR RIRA got deported , and guess what it's connected to ?!?! Guess ?
Read 46 tweets

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