Thread by @TheBloggess

Y’all. I’m about to tell you a story that might end with me being murdered by monsters so, trigger warning because I JUST FOUND A SECRET ROOM IN MY HOUSE.

We’ve lived here 5 years and Hailey has always complIned about hearing footsteps above her at night and I explained it’s probably just raccoons on the roof bc she’s on the second floor and nothing is above her...

...but I was just outside and noticed a tiny, curtained window on the third floor. EXCEPT WE DON’T HAVE A THIRD FLOOR.

Me: I’m looking through Hailey’s room because there’s a hidden room above her AND I FOUND A DOOR IN THE CEILING OF HER CLOSET.

Victor: congratulations. You found the attic.

Except it’s NOT the attic because the attic is on the other side of the house and this is definitely not connected to that. Also, there’s a hole in the corner like something was trying to get in. Or out.

Victor: Squirrels.

Me: Draculas.

So I tried to open the door to the hidden room but I’m not tall enough to see inside.

Just that there’s sunlight and movement.

MOVEMENT.

Me: THERE’S SOMETHING MOVING IN THE SECRET ROOM.

Victor: I’m sure a draft moved the curtains.

Me: I NEED A STAKE AND SOME HOLY WATER AND A PRIEST.

And I also need a stepladder. That’s what I need first. Hang on.

I can’t find the ladder. I suspect Victor has hidden it.

Instead I’m going to put my hand in there and see if I can video it with my phone.

Okay, I can’t reach the side of the room that has the window but I’m pretty sure the other side is filled with GRAVEYARD DIRT.

THIS IS HOW YOU GET DRACULAS.

Victor says it’s “insulation”. Victor is a damn fool who doesn’t appreciate having his blood where it is.

I’m late to TMS. When I get back I’ll explore the rest and probably become immortal or murdered.

Okay, I’m back and I have Hailey to hold the ladder and I’m going into the secret room above her closet.

THERE'S A BOX IN THE SECRET ROOM. Hang on...Putting it on instagram: instagram.com/p/Bl85PvIl1hM/

Hailey: How big is the box?

me: It's too big for a human head but someone could fit a face in there.

Hailey: Or you could just give me dimensions in inches...

(In my defense, she shut the closet door and turned out the light while I was climbing into the hole.)

So...okay. We're going to tell Hailey the box was empty. Because it was. It totally did not contain what looks like a broken human tooth. Because that would be crazy.

I mean...maybe it’s a dog tooth? I can’t decide if that would be better.

Hailey: What are those white lines all over your arm?

Me: Dust probably.

Her: OR YOU MESSED UP THE CHALK SYMBOLS THAT WERE KEEPING THE DEMON AT BAY.

She really is mine.

Me: I FOUND HUMAN REMAINS IN A HIDDEN ROOM IN MY HOUSE.

Twitter: I think maybe that's a corn nut?

*It might be a corn nut*

I thought this story was over but it’s not bc ppl asked how you can live in a house 5 yrs and not notice a tiny window to a secret room and the answer is that I am *dangerously* unobservant/distracted and bc my house is hidden in trees, BUT...

...when I went to take a picture of curtained window to show you I noticed this. See that small curtained window on the right? THAT’S A WHOLE DIFFERENT PART OF THE HOUSE. THERE’S ANOTHER HIDDEN ROOM, MOTHERFUCKER.

Me: I DISCOVERED ANOTHER SECRET ROOM.

Victor: None of this is a “discovery”.

Me: I bet it’s filled with Victorian furniture and antique haunted paintings.

Victor: This house was built in the 80’s.

Me: THIS IS WHAT MAGELLAN FELT LIKE.

I’m currently standing In a closet. I. found the door that leads to the second secret room. I’m pretty certain this one leads to treasure/mystery and not just a box with a corn nut in it.

Aaaaand it won’t open.

Me: The secret room is locked! Mysteriouser and mysteriouser. I need a crowbar.

Victor: No.

Me: I NEED TO DISCOVER THIS NEW LAND.

Victor: IT’S WHERE THEY PUT THE WATER HEATER.

Me: I NEED TO DISCOVER THE WATER HEATER.

Also, he’s lying because the water heater is in a secret closet in the garage. Also, it’s possible I’m overusing the word “secret” here.

Y’all? I just broke the seal on the door to the second secret room. Apparently it was painted shut. What is it protecting?

My guess? A magical room of requirement.

Victor’s guess? “You from yourself.” Also, asbestos.

Also, in writing that last tweet I realized that “breaking of seals” is what kicks off the apocalypse so if I inadvertently started the second coming I apologize in advance.

Hang on. I’m going in.

Okay. I can only lift the door a few inches but THERE’S A BIG METAL BOX IN THERE. WHAT’S IN THE BOX???

I took a picture and lightened it for clarity.

Victor: Congratulations, idiot. You discovered the heating duct.

Victor:

Me:

BUT MAYBE SOMETHING’S HIDDEN INSIDE THE HEATING DUCT??