Thread by @theonlywayisup

A story.

Once upon a time the Government decided to ask the people a question: Cake or Pie?

“What?”, the people replied.

“Do you want cake, which we have had for many years, or do you want to change to pie? If you change, you can never have cake again”

“What kind of pie?”

“The kind of pie is still to be determined” said the Pie people “But it will be a good pie, and with the money we save we can buy some nurses and some of those machine-thingies to keep people alive”

The people were divided. Half of them wanted cake; they liked cake. A lot.

But half of them wanted pie. “The pie is British” said a silly man with a fag in one hand and a pint in the other. “But the cake isn’t. The cake comes from all over the place; some of it is Muslim cake - look, here is a misleading picture of all the cake streaming in”

“Don’t you want to stop the foreign cake?”

The people helped the silly man out of the wreckage of the small plane and said “But we have benefited from all the different cake, haven’t we? And we have been able to sell our cake to them”

“This foreign cake will take your cake jobs” the silly man replied. “Vote for pie!”

So the country voted and some wanted cake and some wanted pie. And some were happy with cake, but they really wanted the nurses and stuff, so they voted for pie.

And the pie won.

So the people asked “Where are the nurses and machines and stuff?”

“Er, well......” the government said.

“And what about the pie? You haven’t told us anything about the pie” said the people.

“And what about us?”, said the Northern Irish. “We were promised cake AND pie”

“It’s coming”, said the government, “we just need to negotiate some things, but it will be a great pie, a pie of opportunity, a British pie, a pie for all seasons. You will love this pie”

So for two long years the Cake/Pie wars continued. Many were sent to talk to the pie makers, but they all returned, hollow-eyed and gibbering and looking a wee bit mad.

Finally, the Chief returned

“I have negotiated a deal !” she cried.
“It is the best deal on the table. There is no better deal than this; you are gonna love this fucking pie”

But the Northern Irish said “Feck this for a wee bag of soldiers-we want cake AND pie, and you can feck the feck off if you think we are voting for some wee pie we have never seen”

And the people said “What about the nurses we were promised? We only said yes to pie because we wanted the nurses”

So the chief said “I am very clear this is the best pie on the table, even if it hasn’t got any nurses in it”

But the people were quite pissed off now, actually, and they said to the chief “But you said things would be better if we voted for pie. You said it would be a great pie”

“So what sort of pie is it?” they asked.

“It’s the pie you voted for”

“Yes, but what is in it?”

“It is the best sort of pie on the table”

“Just tell us what is in the fucking pie!”, they hinted.

“Dogshit”

And the moral of the tale is, find out what is in the fucking pie before you say yes, because now we have a dogshit pie when we could have had cake.

The end

Disclaimer: do not read to your children. It’s not that kind of story.

#brexit

#bbcqt