Thread by @FrGoyo

My conversion/Vocation story: once upon a time I was a good Catholic, born in an amazing Catholic family and very involved in the Church. I even went to minor seminary when I was 11 years old. In time that all disappeared. What happened to me? Why did I leave the faith?

I am not sure when exactly, but when I left seminary some part of me also left God, little by little. It started as a feeling of lack of freedom. I thought that being with God didn’t allow me to be myself. That I couldn’t choose. I thought the Church was the Church of NO..

So, I went to Madrid to study to become an English teacher. I wanted to travel the world. I wanted to meet people (yeah, I am an extrovert 😜), and people I met. Tons of them. The world was winning and my experience of God seemed so distant. It was a thing just for kids...

After all, I used to go to church because, well, it made mom happy. I really can’t find a better answer. Looking back, I know I was very happy with youth groups, meeting people, making mom happy. And God? Where was God? Did I experience His mercy, love, forgiveness?

I did. I just didn’t remember. But living in other countries was amazing. The world did took over me. I lived in France, Wales, and I even went to Berkeley and New York. Now, that was the life I always wanted. I made it!!! I felt free. I felt happy. Then why was I empty?

I moved to LA and I discovered the “happiness” of a good salary. I could buy things in a city where nobody knew me. Where nobody was going to ask me if I went to Mass on Sunday, or if I prayed or if I was good (I miss you mom. I know you prayed for me all these time).

And little by little, my faith, God, and all that I once thought to be good and holy, became just a memory of the past. It was nice sure, but I was older now. I was in my 20’s and I should do what people at my age do: have fun, go out, date, maybe drugs?, drink, and more...

Then I became the fun guy. The one who taught during the day and partied at night. The one who forgot if it was Christmas, Easter or even Sunday. I didn’t even notice churches anymore. I officially became anti religious. Anti God. And I thought I was free.

10 years was my life without God. I didn’t go to confession once. I lied to mom over the phone. I lied to my former Catholic friends. I lied to myself. And I lied to God. The worst part was that I was perfectly ok with it. But mom kept on praying for me. That, she did.

I don’t think I was a bad person. I drank much, I dated even more and I partied constantly but I never thought I was a bad person. I just lived life as a person who made it. After all I lived in Los Angeles and all my friends in Spain were jealous, but I forgot what happiness was

I thought happiness was living alone, not just physically, but emotionally. No attachments. No reminders to love God. No problems to buy what I wanted. And when I thought I was the happiest, something happened. My long time relationship broke up. And I felt alone.

Naturally, I had to mitigate my pain with alcohol. So I went out until the sun saw me at my worst. I went home with the idea that a new day would be the best medicine and I felt asleep in the middle of my misery, loneliness and pain. When I woke up, my life changed...

I opened my eyes and the TV was on and what I saw next made me a new person. It woke up in me the times when I was really free. Free from my own pity and my own self destruction. These words made me remember that God never abandoned me...
DO NOT BE AFRAID!!!

On TV was the funeral of my new hero: JOHN PAUL II. His famous words were the first thing I saw when I open my eyes from my death into a new life. In one half of a second I saw my life of the past 10 years. I couldn’t believe it!! How did I get there?
And I cried!

I cried like a baby in need of his mother. I cried because I felt lost and naked in front of God and I cried because I thought God couldn’t love this “me.” Then I remembered how mom taught me how to pray. Then I prayed: “Our Father..” I couldn’t continue, and I cried again.

I cried for the next 9 months, but I cried the most when I picked at the phone and I told mom the person I had become. She didn’t speak for the longest minute, then she said: “I am going to show you how to love God again.”

My desire for God was now so deep, that everything seemed new to me. I saw people in a different way and best of all, I saw “me” in a different way. My first confession in 10 years was one for the books. That poor priest!!! But I was new and I felt in love with God again.

His forgiveness was real. His love never changed and all I needed now was to tell Him how much I loved Him. I spent hours in prayer, crying, laughing and just being there. I felt His mercy and His justice so clear, that my fears became joy. It was a new me in Him.

But God wanted more from me. One day, when I was at Mass, hearing the priest preach, I thought “I want to do that. I want to tell the world of this love, mercy and forgiveness.” “Then why don’t you?” He murmured. “Who me? Are you crazy God?” (Yes I said that to Him😔).

“How can I be a priest? Have you forgotten the things I did? How bad I have been?” “You know. When you came to confession, that day? since then I forgot. So DO NOT BE AFRAID for I am with you always.” And then, I cried again (I know. I am a cry baby).

He then became my gentle tornado. My call to be a priest was like a quiet storm. I said yes and no 30 times a day. I kept on curiously asking priests. “Asking for a friend” I used to say. I was still afraid. I couldn’t believe God had forgiven me yet. “Do not be afraid” He said.

And one day, praying as I used to do, as I looked at Him and He looked at me, I said my timid, reluctant Yes and my life changed again.

So if you are a parent who suffers for your child. If you are someone who is lost and living the “life without God.” If you are in need of forgiveness of God, I tell you with my experience and my life,
DO NOT BE AFRAID! He is looking for you to love you until the end.