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thanks for processing my year with me. this has been therapeutic.
this has, historically, been a difficult time of year for me. i was raped on new year's eve eleven years ago. for the first time in more than a decade, i feel unburdened by that anniversary. maybe this year was just so intense that i had to push out some old traumas to make room.
maybe hearing a nazi, a man who had attacked someone dear to me in the past, laugh as he encouraged another man to come to my home and rape me until i'm not gay anymore forced me to do something years of therapy hadn't - confront that fact that someone already tried to do that.
maybe seeing a lot more of the darkness in the world put my own trauma into perspective. maybe i grew thicker skin. maybe seeing people joke about raping me to death and not knowing who might take the joke too far made me realize i'm not a timid, naive teenager anymore.
either way, i'm tougher than i was and i know i'm not alone. none of us are alone.
anyway, i still don't particularly care for new year's eve, but that's only because i don't drink and i don't enjoy a loud party. still, i'm feeling a lot better about facing 2019.
