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me picking a movie/you reading my tweets
hi buck
evangelicals fucking love israel
wow the planes attacking israel are just started exploding and falling out of the sky, did god do that? also this mysterious robe guy is talking to our brave young protagonist buck williams.
i bet the casting director described him as travolta-adjacent. also i bet this character cheats on his wife.
wow i bet this airline pilot gets LEFT BEHIND. he’s not nice to his family and looks like he doesn’t have good christian values! AND HE’S SKIPPING CHURCH!
oof, the poor man’s han solo
buck the reporter is meeting a confidential source named DIRK BURTON who knows why god blew up those planes. he’s also wearing a comically large suit and coat.
literally screaming at my television as this jittery man explains to our protagonist how ‘chaim rosenzweig’ and an ambiguous “they” are behind a scheme to manipulate currency and basically form a new world order.
back in the newsroom and it looks like DIRK BURTON WAS RIGHT!!

(wow this movie is uhhh more anti semitic than i anticipated)
now picturing a ferret in a suit, nervously chain smoking while waiting to meet a reporter to do some whistleblowing. i’m more amused by that mental image than by this movie so far.
why can’t this guy just be supportive of the flight attendant’s career change?
ok either the rapture has started or there is a confused naked old man somewhere on this airplane. both are strong possibilities.
ok i’m hoping it’s the rapture otherwise they might be with that naked old man
buck and the rude pilot finally meet - they teamed up to tackle this man whose response to people disappearing from the plane was to try to jump out of he plane.
what a team.
ok the least believable thing so far is that a US president would get raptured
after the rapture i’m taking every stupid christian’s dogs
the rude pilot’s nice wife and young son (who made a point of mentioning he goes to sunday school earlier!) are missing. his wife appears to have been raptured while lying flat on her back in bed in her pink robe with no blanket.
what’s this BIBLE all about, anyway?
omg has this dog just been lying on top of his master’s dress shoes for like 24 hours 😭
your whole family got raptured and you’re just gonna sit there watching porn in your half unbuttoned airline pilot’s uniform
a convenient perk of being the villain in a rapture story
dirk got assassinated. they even shot his emails.
oh wow the preacher got LEFT BEHIND
just a couple guys hanging out, having some dude time since their wives got raptured
this is the sound of my dog barfing while kirk cameron explains the holy land
the teenage girl who didn’t get raptured because of her nose ring is the only sane person in this movie
oh i see, he’s the antichrist.
the blonde flight attendant who decided to go work at the UN because mr pilot won’t fuck her stopped by to try one more time. he literally shook a bible in her face. (he did not kiss her)
can’t believe they let him break the fourth wall & describe the rest of the molfhm
they didn’t give me enough time to get to know this fbi agent before he got blown up in a car bomb
is christianity always this homoerotic?
buck is off to the UN to talk to chaim rosenzweig to keep him from giving the magic forumula that makes the food grow to the antichrist but he hasn’t accepted god into his heart yet!
wow luckily the flight attendant buck wrote a letter of recommendation for so she could work at the UN got assigned as the personal assistant to the secretary general/antichrist on her first day!
found god in a public bathroom
as with most elements of this film, i am skeptical of the veracity of this claim
uhhh rayford steele’s teenage daughter is not old enough to be involved with buck williams. are there no age of consent laws after the rapture?
oh wow it literally just ends with voiceover talking about how the UN is run by the antichrist as the protagonist hugs his underage girlfriend and walks into a church and the music swells.
this whole movie only cost $4mil to make. they must’ve paid some of the actors in god bucks or something. it also only barely recovered that amount... how did they get sequels made?!
the guy who wrote the books hated the movie so much he sued the production company. part of the settlement was that he was allowed to remake the movies. the remakes were also very bad and unsuccessful.
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