My mum became very devout and married at 16. Since then, the demands of being the perfect Muslim woman has gradually wittled away at her confidence, her individuality & her human dignity. Not only does Allah demand complete submission to Him, he demands a woman to submit to men.
She started breaking during her engagement, crying in front of family and strangers in bewilderment at the degrading treatment she recieved. But she knew that she was expected to value my dad's piety above all else. If he obeyed Allah, then he had to be good to her right?
And wouldn't a member of the Muslim Brotherhood know what Allah wanted from him? He did indeed. He knew that he was right to demand the utmost respect, constant attention, pleasure & modesty from her. He knew Allah encouraged men to show protective jealously.
He was allowed to order her to forget about her family, reminding her that she was HIS now, and she needed to prove her devotion to him alone. He was well within his rights to tell her not to hug or kiss her brothers anymore or end a phone call with family saying "I love you".
He ofcourse was extremely charming in public. So jovial, so upbeat. He'd even joke with strange women - as he had every right to do. Even if she wanted to, my mum couldnt point out the double standard. HE wasn't answerable to her - obedience is a one way street in Islam.
And boy did he expect perfection from her. If she accidently brushed against a man in a crowded space, she was met with fury and insults. She was a bad Muslim, a bad wife. She had betrayed my dad. Allah would punish her for her insolence.
There were so many red flags during her engagement but she didn't have anyone to turn to. He was religious, therefore she was lucky to have him. Did it matter that he belittled her at any opportunity and drove her to seek refuge in the face veil as protection from his jealousy
This continued all throughout my life, and was torture to witness. Even as a child I recognised how miserable she was. I begged her to get a divorce, but her father had already warned her that it was hated by Allah. He said her patience through this 'trial' would be rewarded.
The worst part was that my Islamic studies validated his attitude and actions at every turn. And even if he agreed to a divorce, which was extremely unlikely, she was dependent on him for everything. The outside world was a scary place and independence was a foreign concept.
An Islamic lecture I went to attributed the rising divorce rates to the financial independence of women in the west. The Sheikh implied that freedom made women greedy and arrogant, leaving perfectly good marriages in search for undeserved or unrealistic satisfaction
This experience, like so many others has contributed to my stance that Islam is riddled with misogyny. It is afterall, a 7th century Arab ideology that was attributed divine power by a madman and spread throughout the world like cancer. I'm committed to the fight to eradicate it
