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John Bull @garius
, 10 tweets, 3 min read Read on Twitter
JAVID: Welcome to COBRA. I'd like to introduce Sgt Gary, our Gold Commander for the current immigration crisis
SGT GARY: Sir. What's the scale of the problem?
JAVID: 9
SGT GARY: Blimey! 900?
JAVID: No, 9
SGT GARY:
JAVID:
SGT GARY: Are you worried they can't field a full eleven?
JAVID: I think we can agree that this is an immigration crisis of unparalleled proportions. Tough action is called for!
SGT GARY: Are we still talking about NINE people?
JAVID: I have a note here that another four have turned up
SGT GARY: Well at least they have a subs bench now
JAVID: This is a threat to our national security
SGT GARY: 13 desperate people in a dinghy?
JAVID: They're in Folkestone! There's a nuclear power station!
SGT GARY: And also a really nice miniature railway. You think they're after that too?
JAVID: Oh no!
SGT GARY: I was JOKING
JAVID: Sergeant. You must see that...
CMDR JONES: Reporting for duty
WILLIAMSON: Welcome commander! Look out lads, MoD in da house now!
SGT GARY: You lot activated the NAVY?!
CMDR JONES: Sir. You mentioned an emergency?
SGT GARY: It's 13 refugees in a dinghy
JAVID: TWO dinghies
CMDR JONES: Two dinghies.
WILLIAMSON: There may be more. Do we still have battleships? Pew pew!
CMDR JONES: This is the 'imminent threat'?
JAVID: They're approaching Folkestone
CMDR JONES: I think that's more an imminent threat to the refugees sir, rather than the other way round
SGT GARY: 13 refugees
JAVID: Illegal immigrants.
SGT GARY: No they're not. They're asylum seekers.
WILLIAMSON: Same thing.
SGT GARY: International Law and basic human decency would beg to differ
JAVID: Yeah, well neither of those vote in Tory leadership elections do they?
CMDR JONES: With respect sir, Sgt Gary is right
JAVID: Oh now YOU'RE an expert too?
CMDR JONES: Sir. The Royal Navy has been fishing desperate people out of the sea since the anti-slavery patrols of 1807. We know a refugee when we see one.
JAVID: Everyone is a bloody critic
JAVID: Well they were bloody useless
WILLIAMSON: We could slap 'GO HOME!' on a van? The blue rinsers love it
JAVID: Been done
WILLIAMSON: Wanna go do photos in front of the White Cliffs?
JAVID: Not sure my heart is in it now
WILLIAMSON: We can do stern faces
JAVID: Oh go on then
Like this? Most recent Brexit Adventure here:



If you want to buy me a Friday beer YAY:

ko-fi.com/garius

But show the people at Refugee Action some love too:

act.refugee-action.org.uk/page/16145/act…

Because when they dehumanise one of us, they dehumanise us all
ADDENDUM: The adventure continues - with lorries, more Grayling and a weird sex bus - here!

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More from @garius see all

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Okay. So you're all going to have to massively ignore me for a second. Because I am about to fanboy the SHIT out.

And it is about an amazing writer who got a stubborn little kid (me) who is now a writer (still me) to read.
So when I was a kid, I used to love TV, particularly scifi and cartoons. Basically anything with a plot.

But I wasn't big on reading. That was meh.

Then my mum introduced me to Doctor Who novelisations at about age nine. And I DEMOLISHED them. But that was ALL I would read
I think I LOVED the stories, but I was still not that fussed about reading. Because it felt like extra effort. I mean, why not just WATCH them if you can instead?

But then my teacher said: "oh you like Doctor Who. Did you know we have Star Trek books in the school library?"
Read 9 tweets
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I don't think tea sellers are spotting that game streamers are MASSIVE tea drinkers

Because if you're pulling a 6hr sesh on camera you need hydration that:

1) Tastes nice
2) Isn't beer/coffee

I had to send @BirdandBlendTea to Z because it was PAINFUL watching him drink Liptons
@BirdandBlendTea With my Digital Influencer hat on (the weird embarrassing hat I don't like putting on too much) I do wonder if this is an area micro-sponsorship that no one is leveraging here

We get offered games discount codes for followers all the time. Why aren't we offered the same for tea?
@BirdandBlendTea It's CONSTANTLY being seen (and taste-tested) on screen and is cheap to ship samples of.

@itsZdan LITERALLY has a !tea command so you can see what he's drinking (Which I'm totally stealing!)

Micro-sponsorships fascinate me. They're win-win and we don't think creatively enough.
Read 3 tweets
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MAY: What? I'm in Greggs
LIDINGTON <phone>: Chris is on the radio
MAY: Yup. i told him to pretend we give a shit about rail fares
LIDINGTON: He's talking Brexit
MAY: Fuck
LIDINGTON: Apparently he's started a shipping firm?
MAY: FUCK. HOOK HIM
LIDINGTON: HOW?!
MAY: USE THE CURSE!
HAMMOND: What did she say?
LIDINGTON: Use the curse!
GRAYLING: <radio>: No ships but they seem lovely
HAMMOND: Summon a Minister live on air!?! Even Humphrys would spot that!
GRAYLING: Let's talk about Dun...
HAMMOND: GRAYLING GRAYLING GRAYLING
GRAYLING <in person>: ...quack
GRAYLING: Hello!
LIDINGTON: You said invoking him on air was bad!
GRAYLING: I was on the radio
HAMMOND: He was about to mention Operation Dunquack!
LIDINGTON: What?!
GRAYLING: Now I am not
MAY <entering>: The FUCK is going on? What is Dunquack?
HAMMOND: Wait neither of you KNOW?!
Read 9 tweets

Related threads

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Gold: Considering that we had a very strong Employment Report out of the US on Friday, #gold performed pretty well over the past 18 trading hours. At $1291/oz at the time of writing it is some $15 above its post-NFP plunge and only about $7 below Friday morning's high.

1/6
Gold: This strength in #gold is not coming from US equity market fears, as US futures are roughly flat.

2/6
Gold: Rather it appears to be a combination of a modestly weaker US dollar, shown here as DXY over the past three days...

3/6
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Gold: Back in the office for the first time since before Christmas, its time to look back on #gold's recent performance and what may lie ahead.

1/15
Gold: the recent strength in gold has been helped by some weakness in the US dollar.

But as this chart shows, #gold has run ahead of the weakening dollar.

2/15
Gold: plotting its performance in a number of currencies is another way of demonstrating that the dollar has not been the only factor lifting #gold.

3/15
Read 16 tweets
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Gold: The COTR for #gold, released on Friday, for positions as of last Tuesday, show that the Net Managed Money position flipped back into positive territory for the first time since 10 July.

(short thread)
Gold: This was not due to new Managed Money longs coming into #gold, as this chart shows.

2/5
Gold: Rather this was due to further Managed Money short-covering in #gold.

3/5
Read 6 tweets
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Gold: After drifting slightly lower on Monday, #gold has recovered much of this weakness and is trading around $1248.50/oz in early London trading on Tuesday.

(Short thread)
Gold: The delayed release of the COTR data from the CFTC saw changes in the week to last Tuesday 4 December, but considering the changes in Comex total open interest, not quite as large as I expected.

2/7
Gold: The net managed money position in #gold was virtually eliminated (-0.2 Million ounces) as 2Moz of new longs entered the market and 3 million ounces of shorts covered.

3/7
Read 8 tweets
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Grassley, Tillis, Cruz Op-ed: Fixing Flores Agreement Only Solution to Immigrant Family Separation and Detention

@drawandstrike @ThomasWictor @HNIJohnMiller @jihadaeon1 @rising_serpent @_ImperatorRex_ @Debradelai @LarrySchweikart

grassley.senate.gov/news/news-rele…
Like millions across our country, we too were horrified at the sight of thousands of children being separated from their parents. As parents ourselves, we can only imagine the pain and anguish these families faced. But, as U.S. Senators — and more importantly,
as Americans — we also understand that our immigration system must also enforce our laws.

While this problem has persisted across the last five administrations, and there is legitimate criticism which can be directed towards this administration’s handling of this matter,
Read 24 tweets
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As a fmr immigration attorney let me be unambiguously clear. Crossing a boarder to claim asylum is *not* a crime; no under US or international law. Any child separated from a parent under that pretext is done so in direct contravention to the laws of the USA. ⚖ THREAD Pls RT.
If you came to the US without permission to apply for asylum, youmetjod of entry, whether legal or illegal *should* in no way effect your application process. Illegal entry is not a ground of inadmissibility for asylum applicants.
Unlike many other categories of applicants for immigration benefits, ppl seeking asylum in the US are not barred by having made an illegal entry; for example, sneaked across the U.S. border or overstaying a valid visa (one of the top ways people are in the country illegall).
Read 35 tweets

Trending hashtags

#racism #immigration #gold #hyperbitcoinization #asylum #environment #FamiliesBelongTogether #silver #Cobra #Immigration #RESIGNATION #Gold #KeepFamiliesTogether #WhitePaper #BIA #immigrant #GoldRoom #Bitcoin #Timbuktu #bitcoin #Notable #price #offer #Beckett #TheGreatAwakeningWodwide

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