Thread by @asymmetricinfo

And now for something completely different: a charming slice-of-life vignette, in thread form.

When our bullmastiff, aka Fitzgerald, aka The Beast, was a pup, someone told us to house train him by taking him outside saying "Good potty!" every time he, um, you know.

In retrospect, we should have chosen something more dignified, because for months, we serenaded the neighborhood with a morning chorus from me and @petersudermen: "Go potty, Fitzgerald!" followed by "Good potty! Good potty!"

One morning, after a particularly rousing chorus, @petersuderman turned to me and said, very solemnly, "The Prophet has pottied." He had correctly identified what we sounded like: a very small, very strange cult.

I still remember that period with a mixture of shame and helpless laughter. What I did not foresee was the puns.

Dear God, the puns.

"Potty" is still the only word Fitzgerald knows for going outside to, you know.

You will note that it sounds much like "party" said quickly.

I do not know why we insist on making puns to the dog. He does not understand them. All attempts to acquaint him with amusing wordplay have failed.

A doggie neurologist once told us that he has an unusually small brain. I suspect this may explain it.

But there you are: I am a professional writer, and I start every morning with a pun on the word "potty".

Somehow, I did not see that one coming. Funny old life, innit?