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STEPHEN: Chris, I just wanted to stop by and apologise for... Chris? Are you okay?
GRAYLING <sobs>: She is all that remains of my beautiful little fleet
STEPHEN: Oh! Huh. There's a duck there.
GRAYLING: The last survivor of Dunquack
STEPHEN: ooh-kay
GRAYLING: I call her Margaret
GRAYLING: They're all DEAD Stephen. All 48,000 of my fluffy little ducks. Except Margaret
STEPHEN: How?!
GRAYLING: They started eating each other. I had no food!
STEPHEN: Why?
HAMMOND: Because someone doesn't know their CapEx from their OpEx
GRAYLING: MONSTER!
HAMMOND: Accountant
STEPHEN: Chris! Come back! Damnit Phil!
HAMMOND: What?!
STEPHEN: Don't be mean. Think about his feelings
HAMMOND: Why? Think about mine. I just had to deal with 47,999 dead ducks
STEPHEN: Where are they?
HAMMOND: Let's just say London won't have a 'chicken' shortage post-Brexit
STEPHEN: What do we do now?
HAMMOND: About what?
STEPHEN: You know... Margaret
HAMMOND: Who?
STEPHEN: The duck
HAMMOND: Send out for some hoisin sauce?
STEPHEN: This isn't funny!
HAMMOND: Oh COME ON. We're alone in Chris Grayling's office with his new pet duck. It is KINDA funny.
HAMMOND: The last survivor of Dunquack. I bet that duck's seen some horrors
STEPHEN: I... no
HAMMOND: What?
STEPHEN: This is silly. But... there's something weird about its eyes
GOVE: <lich wail>
STEPHEN: FUCK! mic's off!
GOVE: sORRy I sAID "thAt'S bECaUse iT iS nO LonGEr a DuCK"
HAMMOND: What are you doing here?
GOVE: yeS I KnOW tODay iS My DAy oFF
HAMMOND: And?
GOVE: i WAs dRAwn hERe bY aN EvENT rARE, gLOrIOUs aNd HoRRibLE. The BiRTh oF a nEW hORRor
HAMMOND: And that brought you here?
GOVE: WeLL I trIED ChrISToPHeR ChOPeS oFFIce FIrsT
STEPHEN: Naturally
HAMMOND: You're saying there's a NEW eldritch horror?
GOVE: YeS. iT Is rARe, bUT wHEN a BEiNG dOEs thINGs sO hoRRIBle, caUSES PuRE suFFERing, iS TrULY maLEvOLenT, iT CaN TransCEND moRTALitY aND bECoME a horROR
STEPHEN: And you're SURE it's not Chris Chope?
GOVE: i CHeCKeD. TwICE.
HAMMOND: You think Grayling's duck is an eldritch horror?
GOVE: YeS. NoW I muST gO. FoR iT iS
HAMMOND: Your day off. We know
GOVE: GooDByE

STEPHEN:
HAMMOND: It's a duck. He's being dramatic
STEPHEN:
HAMMOND: Let's go
STEPHEN:
HAMMOND: Lock the door though

<click>

M'GREH: qUAcK
The origins of #dunquack:

Remember! This is not the first #Brexit adventure!

First:

Most recent:

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