Thread by @JeremyMcLellan

For Valentine's Day, here are some Catholic pickup lines

Hey baby, are you the TLM? Because I don't understand what's going on but you're so beautiful I don't care.

Hey baby, are you the Luminous Mysteries? Because you were created by the Polish and my mom never recommended you.

Hey baby, are you Pope Francis? Because people I don't like keep using your maiden name.

Hey baby, are you the Pope? Because you're a lot less infallible than my parents assume.

Hey baby, are you the rosary? Because after one decade I just want to fall asleep.

Hey baby, are you Confession? Because I don't need to hear a long story and I'd rather you just get to the point.

Hey baby, are you Rome? Because you're really old and have a lot of mass.

(Some of these are just insults.)

Hey baby, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because you remind me of Satan.

Hey baby, I'm just like Jesus. There's 17 years of my life I'm never going to talk about.

Hey baby, are you Protestant communion? Because you seem pretty but not really present.

Hey baby, are you Pope Francis? Because I feel like I'm going to spend a lot of time trying to explain to my friends what you meant.

Hey baby, are you the selling of indulgences in the 16th century? Because my parents are still mad at you.

Hey baby, are you Saint Christopher? Because my friends at school keep saying you don't exist.

Hey baby, are you the Bible? Because after many years I'm just now able to read you.

Hey baby, are you the Our Father? Because stop trying to hold my hand in public.

Hey baby, are you John Henry Newman? Because you're the only good thing to come out of England in several hundred years.

Hey baby, are you the Total Consecration? Because I'd like to be Marian you.

Hey baby, are you Christopher West? Because I feel like you talk about sex too much and I can't tell if it's okay.

Hey baby, are you Roe v Wade? Because I would vote Republican if it meant turning you over.

(That was too good not to tweet. Back to PG ones.)

Hey baby, are you the Apocrypha? Because my mom keep telling me to take you out.

(I feel like I'm bringing a lot of family issues into this but that's what you get for following me.)

Hey baby, are you Jeremy's thread of Catholic pickup lines? Because you've been a terrible waste of time and I might stop following you.

THE END

paypal.me/JeremyMcLellan…

https://twitter.com/propdiddy/status/1096061821436477440

Welp. Gotta keep going.

Hey baby, are you Pope Francis? Because the one before you is still around and I’m not over them yet.

Hey baby, are you NFP? Because you’re very confusing and I’m worried we’ll end up with 20 babies.

Hey baby, are you Judas? Because that was a terrible kiss and I’m starting to suspect you did it for your friends as a bet.

Hey baby, are you Peter? Because this is the third time you’ve denied knowing me.

Hey baby, are you Thomas? Because the only way you’ll know I’m the one is if you touch me.

Hey baby, are you Eve? Because I would love to stand here while you make the biggest mistake of your life.

Hey baby, are you the Church? Because I'll never leave you no matter how unfaithful you are.

Hey baby, are you the Trinity? Because you act like three persons in one being.

Hey baby, are you Catholic Social Teaching? Because I'm going to ignore you once election season starts.

Hey baby, are you Joan of Arc? Because years from now I'm going to regret this interaction.

Hey baby, are you the filioque? Because I'm willing to break up my family just to have you in my life.

Hey baby, are you Calvinism? Because this feels predestined.

Hey baby, are you Anglicanism? Because I'm willing to ruin my life just to get a divorce.

Hey baby, are you Lent? Because you make me want to be good for 40 days and then go back to my old habits.

(OK that's it for now. Gotta go paint my shed.)