Thread by @mbloomstein

Dearest Virginia, tho’ we set out with good favor shining upon us, that fortune was not to last. Alas, the empty middle seat was ours to lose! It has been taken, and with it, my hopes to return to you in good cheer. Pray our FlyFi holds steadfast, and with it my love for you.

Dear Virginia, the foe is upon us! Where one we saw hope lies only threat: our gentleman to the east, he of the middle seat, has staked an early claim on Arm Rest. He holds ground with neither eye contact nor comment! We do not abandon the cause, as I vow to never abandon thee!

Dearest Virginia, o how I long for the open land of home! Our enemy tramples the sacred spaces that men hold dear. He holds fast to Arm Rest, dear Virginia, and now threatens spreading in the lands to the south. Our knees grow weak holding the line, but our hearts remain strong!

Virginia. We grew bold in the night, our foe leaned forward, and provenance shined upon us! We have regained Arm Rest, Virginia, and with it, our humanity! The cause is not lost, dear heart, nor is yet our inflight FlyFi. Yours evermore, Erastus.

O sweet one, the heavens smile upon us! Our enemy revealed his position, attempting to spread his men to the south. Decisively, swiftly, we answered in kind. In foot-to-foot combat we held the line, to emerge victorious! Tho’ the seat belt sign glows brightly, today we walk tall!

The War of Armrest Aggression pushes on. Our enemy to the east appears to rest, his slumber troubled. In sleep as in wake, he tries to rally for the ridge. We toil to hold Arm Rest, blood anointing its soil and, apparently, volume control buttons. I remain, ever your Erastus.

Dearest Virginia, I write with haste, for our enemy’s slumber was but a ploy! His rest, a disarming tactic—for he elbowed further under shut eye! What sorcery is at his behest? Will heaven’s favor again shine upon the rightful sleeve of Arm Rest? Pray for us! With vigor, Erastus.

Dearest Virginia, my men grow weary as our night grows long. But what hope appears on the horizon! She bears CheezIts and Pop Corners, in the cornucopia of @JetBlue! My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the lord, and it is clothed in carbohydrates. Renewed, your Erastus.

Dearest Virginia, Tho’ we get closer, the men tire in holding Arm Rest and our border to the south, but the middling enemy appears steadfast in his quest. We remain resolute, as every mile brings us closer, dear one. May free WiFi remain in our favor. On we march, your Erastus

Virginia! I write in haste, as a new enemy encroaches! Turbulence comes for us. We chafe in our restraints, buckled, but heed the warning sign above lest we incur the dreaded lurgy.

Beverage service continues. Steadfast, Erastus.

Dearest Virginia! The dysentery, it calls for our enemy across the ridge! Shall he abandon Arm Rest yet? Today, we embrace destiny! Renewed in light and favor, your Erastus.

Dearest Virginia. The skies once again favor us, ye gods shine forbearance through the seatbelt sign, and we regain a smoother course. The enemy appears to fix his sights on the bathroom, abandoning his claim to Arm Rest. I grow in hope, Virginia, buoyed by a new bag of CheezIts.

Dearest Virginia, valiant effort meets its reward! The enemy of middle seat repaired not to yonder lavatory, but to another row! Cheers echo in camp. Our watch may end as inflight WiFi flags, but the Battle of Arm Rest endures—in the field of our hearts and history! Ever, Erastus