Once upon a time there was a farmer who was surveying a field he’d recently purchased, when lo and behold he saw an imp sitting on a pile of coals smack-dab in the middle of it.
Say what you will about infernals, but they know how to make an entrance.
FARMER: I've heard of slash-and-burn agriculture but this is absurd. Who are you?
F: *A* devil or *the* Devil?
D: Does it matter?
F: Just trying to determine what size crucifix I should be reaching for.
STORY THREAD: TAM-LIN
Girl meets boy, girl loses boy, girl single-handedly defeats faery court on Halloween to save him. While 9 months pregnant.
Pls note Janet has officially joined the ranks of Undersung Faery Tales Heroines in a BIG WAY. #folklorethursday
The story begins with the Narrator warning all maidens to stay out of Carterhaugh or Chaster’s Wood or as I like to call it, De-flower Garden, because a fella named Tam-Lin lives there, and he charges one (1) green kirtle or one (1) sextimes as price of admission.
Fair Janet (whose family owns those woods) catches wind of this and comes to three conclusions: 1. She doesn’t take orders from Narrators 2. No one gave Amber Tamblyn or whatever his name is permission to levy a sex tax on her property 3. SHE DOESN’T TAKE ORDERS FROM NARRATORS
ZEUS: King of the Gods. Goes HAM if his throne's challenged, ranging from "lightning bolt" to "eating girlfriend in case her 👏 currently 👏 non-existent 👏 2nd child one day threatens him." Do not fight, esp. bc you KNOW he'll try & turn it into a makeout sesh halfway through.
HERA: Queen of the Gods. DO NOT FIGHT JFC DON'T DO IT DON'T. Check the fate of some of Zeus's sidepieces (ex. Io, Lamia) & tell me you want to take her on.
Plus her life seems pretty joyless (best compliment she gets is "cow-eyed," come ON) so just be chill & leave her alone.