Thread by @LekeAlder

#Illuminare – MARRIAGE and MERCY starts now.

1. There are two knowledge dimensions to marriage: the dimension of the knowable and the dimension of the unknowable. For the dimension of the knowable you need wisdom. For the dimension of the unknowable you need God’s mercy. #Illuminare

2. You cannot fully know someone. We always know in part. For the unknowable and unrevealed you need the mercy of God. #Illuminare

3. Mercy is a big word in marriage. There are six categories of situations in which God’s mercy is required as per relationship: #Illuminare

4. a) For those that are married you need the mercy of God to stay happily married. May his mercy protect you from left field surprises. #Illuminare

5. b) For those who are single and searching you need the mercy of God to choose right. #Illuminare

6. c) For those who are dating but in a ruinous relationship you need the mercy of God to get out of such contraption. #Illuminare

7. d) For those who have experienced or are going through divorce, may God’s mercy heal the scars of that horrible experience. #Illuminare

8. e) For those going through marital or relationship trauma, may the mercy of God deliver you. #Illuminare

9. f) For those going through doubt about their relationship, may the mercy of God help you make the right decision. #Illuminare

10. We need God’s mercy because of the potency of marriage. Marriage processes you. It has deterministic capacity. It is one of the great institutions. So much so God adopted the principles embedded in it to fuse Christ and the Church. #Illuminare

11. There are two case studies in the Bible on the potency of marriage. The first is Samson and Delilah. Samson was terminated by his wife. He died at 40. The second is the marriage of Jacob to Leah. #Illuminare

12. Leah went into a loveless marriage. Her children saw their mum wasn’t loved. The marriage turned them to murderers. Those children were going to bury their half-brother alive. They sold him into slavery as an act of mercy... #Illuminare

13. ...The tender mercies of the wicked is cruelty. (Proverbs 12:10) #Illuminare

14. In continuation of the saga Reuben slept with his step mum in a mirror lovelessness. That was the way his dad treated his mum. He didn’t love Leah. He only slept with her. (Genesis 35:22). #Illuminare

15. The moral from these two case studies are:
a. A wrong choice of partner can terminate your program and destiny. Cf. Samson and Delilah.
b. You shouldn’t go into a loveless marriage. It’s hell. It has an effect on children. Cf. Jacob and Leah. #Illuminare

16. Marriage is a humanity thing. Was instituted in Eden. Because it’s a humanity thing the mercy of God gives fair warning to EVERYONE going into a potentially ruinous matrimony irrespective of faith, creed or righteousness. #Illuminare

17. God will make something happen as warning if you’re about to go into a terrible marriage, and it will stick out as remembrance. That is God’s grace. #Illuminare

18. But we paper over such warning, wave it away, succumb to family pressure, or put ourselves under the tyranny of a set date for wedding. #Illuminare

19. Sometimes sex messes up our capacity to walk away from potential emotional ruin. It magnetises us, makes us stay in a bad relationship. #Illuminare

20. Ask any divorcee, they will tell you that moment, that location they should have walked out before the marriage. Let me give you a list of instances in which to walk out of a relationship: #Illuminare

21. a) There’s violent display of temper. There’s potential harm with such temperament.
b) There’s physical and emotional abuse
c) There’s acute evidence of irresponsibility – like converting the money saved to rent an apartment towards the marriage. #Illuminare

22. d) There’s obvious evidence you’re being used. A typical example is being used to obtain citizenship of a foreign country.
e) You partner is diabolical and dabbles in dark arts.
f) You have a persistent unease you’re about to walk into a trap. #Illuminare

23. g) There’s no commitment despite the passage of years. Nothing definite is on the horizon. Your youth is being wasted.
h) Your partner is after your money and assets.
i) He or she can’t accept your past – be it your abortion history or the fact you had a child out of wedlock.

24. j) He has no plans, or the plans keep changing incessantly.
k) The relationship is just not working. No matter how much you try you keep fighting. There are too many fights.
l) Your partner doesn’t love you. He or she just wants to marry. #Illuminare

25. m) You’re not attracted to your partner. (Sex will suffer in the marriage. You’ll punish your partner. You’ll barely tolerate him or her).
n) Your partner wishes you dead. #Illuminare

26. In any of these instances it’s better to walk out of the relationship. Each forebodes trauma. #Illuminare

27. There’s no protocol for boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in the Bible. Bible society didn’t recognise it. It didn’t exist. Mary and Joseph are closest to what we can call engagement today but betrothal in those days is not the same as engagement today. #Illuminare

28. Note that Joseph and Mary weren’t going to break up. They were going to divorce. Betrothal in those days was akin to marriage. #Illuminare

29. The only resort we have concerning boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is recourse to wisdom as recommended by scriptures. #Illuminare

30. There are three dimensions of marriage in scriptures. The first dimension is friendship and romance. The second is sensuality and sexuality, while the third is dutifulness and responsibility. All three are important. #Illuminare

31. There are a number of mistakes Christians make in choosing a spouse: #Illuminare

32. a) There’s general reliance on incomplete theology - Ephesians 5:22-33 in particular. That’s the famous “Wives be submitted to your husband” passage, even though the first thing the passage says is that both husband and wife should be submitted to each other. #Illuminare

33. Ephesians 5:22-33 is not the full counsel of God on marriage. It specifically deals with duty of care, doesn’t address romance or sex. For romance you have to go to Songs of Songs. For sex, go to 1 Corinthians 7:2-6 MSG. #Illuminare

34. b) They use false parameters to choose a spouse e.g. he’s a wonderful usher in church. But that’s a qualification for church admin not marriage. #Illuminare

35. c) They abdicate responsibility for choice of marriage partner to spiritual figures and even family members. The pastor as diviner and prophet makes proclamation on choice of partner. #Illuminare

36. d) Some Christians don’t realise favour attracts all sorts including diabolical people. They may end up marrying from the dark side. #Illuminare

37. Now, because you’re spirit, soul and body, common-sense dictates your approach to marriage should take care of all three segments: #Illuminare

38. a) As a spirit being you should pray, be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, rely on Spirit intelligence. #Illuminare

39. b) As per your soul dimension, there should be friendship and romance in your relationship and marriage. The soul feeds on love and affection. #Illuminare

40. c) As per your physical dimension, attractiveness, sensuality and sexuality matter. You should be physically attracted to your partner. #Illuminare

41. The older generation of Christians concentrated too much on the spiritual dimension to the detriment of the soulish and physical dimensions. This produced imbalanced theology and generated horrible distortions in marriage. #Illuminare

42. It’s what gave rise to the “Thus saith the Lord” marriage proposal phenomenon – essentially proposal by prophecy. It had inherent contradictions. #Illuminare

43. Would God make you marry someone you’re not attracted to? There’s no biblical authority to support that idea. In fact that’s the critical danger highlighted in the Jacob/Leah marriage. #Illuminare

44. There are three vital lessons from the Jacob/Leah union: #Illuminare

45. a) Marry your cultural type - Rachel was what you’ll call a tomboy today. She was a shepherdess. She was smart, intelligent, sassy and rebellious. She appealed to Jacob. Jacob was a “bad boy.” He was smart, intelligent and rebellious too. #Illuminare

46. His family had a history of marrying fine women. Her family had a history of producing fine women. They fit each other perfectly. #Illuminare

47. b) Marry your personality fit. Leah was a “good girl” who did whatever daddy wanted. So much so she supplanted her sister on her honeymoon, because daddy gave instruction. Leah was not appropriate for Jacob. She wasn’t spunky like Rachel. #Illuminare

48. c) Marry your taste. We’re told Rachel was “stunningly beautiful.” (Genesis 29:17 MSG). Jacob’s mum was beautiful. Leah on the other hand had dreamy eyes and that was it. They weren’t enough for Jacob. She wasn’t his idea of beauty. She didn’t look like his mum. #Illuminare

49. But no matter the cultural, beauty or personality fit, if God tells you not to go into a union, don’t! It means he knows something you don’t. Obey him. And he’ll talk to you directly! #Illuminare

50. The right model for the Christian is to consider all four clusters: Spirit intelligence, responsibility/dutifulness, sexuality/sensuality as well as romance/friendship. This brings balance. #Illuminare

51. What this generation of Christians has done is to ignore Spirit intelligence, the dutifulness/responsibility cluster, and concentrate on the romance/friendship and sexuality/sensuality clusters. That’s imbalance. #Illuminare

52. The dutifulness and responsibility cluster is very important. Even love has a dutiful dimension. It’s not just about tachycardia. Look at 1 Corinthians 13. You need the dutifulness of love in marriage. #Illuminare

53. There are ten items of dutifulness highlighted in 1 Corinthians 13: #Illuminare

54. a) Love is patient (You need a lot of patience in marriage).
b) Love is kind (Gifts matter, care matters).
c) Love does not envy (You can’t be envious of your spouse).
#Illuminare

55. d) Love does not boast, it is not proud (You’re not doing each other a favour. You don’t oppress your spouse with money. That’s pride. Neither should you depreciate effort and contribution). #Illuminare

56. e) Love does not dishonour others (Don’t run your partner down in front of third parties). #Illuminare

57. f) Love is not self-seeking (Being self-centred and selfish will create problems in your marriage. You’ll be insensitive and blind). #Illuminare

58. g) Love is not easily angered (Control your temper).
h) Love keeps no record of wrongs (Forgive. Erase the memory). #Illuminare

59. i) Love does not delight in evil (No destruction of your partner’s reputation). #Illuminare

60. j) Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres… (There’s a constancy). #Illuminare

61. Follow a balanced regimen for marriage. Pay attention to Spirit intelligence, as well as friendship/romance, responsibility/dutifulness and sexuality/sensuality. #Illuminare

62. If you’ll like to receive Jesus into your life please pray this prayer: “Father I acknowledge that I am a sinner, that Jesus died for me, that you raised him from the dead. Father please forgive me. I accept Jesus today as my Lord and my Saviour. Amen.” #Illuminare

63. To read Marriage and Mercy go to myilluminare.com/marriage-and-m…. #Illuminare

64. To read the series, The Church and Politics, go to myilluminare.com/the-church-and…. #Illuminare

65. To read and download FREE copies of Understanding Tithing (Parts 1, 2, 3 and 4), please go to myilluminare.com. #Illuminare

66. To read my new book on the science of Genesis, order or subscribe for The Genesis Project at genesisprojectonline.com. #Illuminare

67. © Leke Alder | [e-mail]. #Illuminare