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Siyanda Mohutsiwa
@SiyandaWrites
, 4 tweets, 1 min read Read on Twitter
Idris Elba should just go ahead and do an African James Bond where he spends half the movie applying for visas, being searched at the border, being stopped by the cops, being followed by shop attendants, having his enemies ask for his credentials...
James Bond: *beating up guy in an alleyway*
Guy, being beaten up: wait...but where did you get your degree?
James Bond: *busts into the bad guys lair to find them fully armed*
Bad guys: oh yeah an old lady called the cops when she saw you walking down the steeet so...
The entire Bond film would be this gif
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More from @SiyandaWrites see all

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Siyanda Mohutsiwa
@SiyandaWrites
Sorry about the gum
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Episode 3: In which I discuss, among many things, Swaziland, @NewYorker article #unreliablenarrator, #fyrefestival, Alice Munro and writing a short story. Also, there interspecies yoga.
Read 13 tweets
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Siyanda Mohutsiwa
@SiyandaWrites
Me everyday.
“Please stop licking the inside of my nostrils - you’re doing it tenderly but your tongue is sandpaper”
“How did you get up there?”
“How did you get in there?”
“Where did you get that?”
“How did you open that?”
“Why are you biting this?”
“What are you staring at?”
My life with this one is questions ♥️
Hey @brothajorrell I think I just wrote my first poem 😅
Read 3 tweets
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Siyanda Mohutsiwa
@SiyandaWrites
Some of you are only here because some woman had the supernatural grace to not report you for rape. Your lack of gratitude, humility and empathy is more proof that you did not deserve that second chance.
Instead of seeing the #metoo movement as a chance to reflect on your own past and realize that your life was spared, you choose to bash women and protect rapists like they pay your bills.
Men love to say “rape allegations destroy lives” but do you ever stop to think of all the women who did decide to save someone’s life after he had violated them? No. Because you’re always the victim. And you don’t deserve your freedom.
Read 4 tweets

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Mirth Shortbread
@MirthDAL
Border control...

1. Send US immigration agents & lawyers to Mexico's southern border. Accept asylum applications there.

2. Increase immigration agents in Central & South America - accept asylum applications there

3. Marshall plan - help improve local economies in L America
4. Increase $ immigration processing - eliminate the backlog (more ppl will go thru formal process when it takes 2yrs, not the current 20 years)

5. Expedite ALL immigration apps in the same way as Melania Trump

6. Extend farmworker visas to be multi-year
7. Fund a 10-year plan to document all of our current citizens - home births, elderly, prison populations. Go to high schools, colleges, neighborhoods help citizens get legal paperwork
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Piyush Tainguriya
@simplyceaser
1. Dear friends,
Today we'll take some time away from our daily lives to shit on...you'd never guess it... James Bond.

Here's the truth about James Bond - it's a cartoon series. With a cartoon hero, being a cartoon spy, taking cartoon risk and doing cartoon violence.
2. It's Tom and Jerry for adults with sub par IQs.

What you've been fed is a content free, plotless, kitschy special effects orgy pretending to be a spy thriller series.

If you like James Bond unironically, congratulations! You have worse taste than the Harry Potter people.
3. The only difference between the virtue signalling, cringe inducing, neoliberal pottermaniacs and James Bond fans is that Bond is the far right, psychopath nutjob's macho fantasy about killing/fucking everything in sight.

On top of that, Bond is literally the worst spy ever.
Read 9 tweets
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Kim Weeden
@WeedenKim
I can’t stop thinking about #WhyIDidntReport. The stories are deeply personal but in some ways universal: not because all women have been raped, but because most of us have experiences stemming from the same culture. I don’t often share personal stuff on Twitter, but here goes.
2/14

Start with the catcalls and crude propositions. A fact of life, older girls said. Take it as a compliment, boys said. But a compliment shouldn't make the world go black around the edges, nor make you look over your shoulder out of fear you're being followed.
3/14

Or the flashers. They’re ultimately harmless, someone told me. Just laugh at them, or run away. But it's not harmless to a young girl when a stranger uses her very existence for his sexual gratification, her shocked gaze for affirmation of his power.
Read 14 tweets
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broadsheet_ie
@broadsheet_ie
#DisclosuresTribunal Fianna Fail TD John McGuinness has resumed giving evidence. He's being questioned by Micheal O'Higgins SC, for the Commissioner, about the note he made following his meeting with Martin Callinan in the carpark on Jan 24 2014
#DisclosuresTribunal O'H asking why McG didn't make the note immediately (McG has already said he made it when he stopped on his way him from Dub to Kilkenny after he pulled over at a truck stop after meeting).
#DisclosuresTribunal McG says when you meet a Garda Comm in a car park and he sits in your car and tells you what McG says Call told him (that Sgt McCabe abused children) "you want to get the hell out of there"
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TCA
@XrisTion
#mySARSexperience. (Thread) My encounter with #SARS occurred while I was on a trip somewhere between Ajaokuta and Anyigba in Kogi State. They had set up a roadblock and flagged me down.When I stopped, one of them came over and asked for the car particulars I obliged. #ScrapSARS
Finding nothing wrong with the papers, he asked for the receipt of my number plate! Number plate receipt? I told him I didn't have and he said he will arrest me and take me to the station, that's when I lost my cool #ScrapSARS
And told him I wasn't going anywhere as no law states that I must have my number plate receipt! He cocked his gun and threatened to shoot me.I don't know where the courage came from, I dared him and told him to go ahead and shoot me. #ScrapSARS
Read 6 tweets
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Michael W. Twitty
@KosherSoul
African Americans we need to have a serious talk about slavery. Some of y'all don't understand why living history is important.
African American interpreters are not doing cosplay of slavery. We are taking control of the narrative. Making our Ancestors 3 dimensional.
We don't just interpret slavery. Sometimes we educate people about WWI, WWII, the Civil War, etc.
Read 25 tweets

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