Thread by @MooseAllain

A is for Apple Like the one I gave you
That I found shrivelled on your desk
Fading like our love
#SadAlphabet

B is for Bed
Empty now,
I can still smell your shampoo
On the pillow
Maybe.
#SadAlphabet

C is for Cat
I miss the cat.
She loved me,
Unconditionally
#SadAlphabet

D is for Dave.
That arsehole.
That treacherous long-necked bastard.
Fucking Dave.
#SadAlphabet

E is for Ever.
Forever?
Never!
#SadAlphabet

F is for Future
We can change the future
But we can’t change the past
Worse luck.
#SadAlphabet

G is for Giraffe
With the abnormally long neck
Who isn’t nearly as nice
As you think
Eh, Dave?
#SadAlphabet

H is for Hat
A lovely hat!
This is nice, nothing sad about a hat.
H is for Hat. Hat, hat, hat.
Lovely.
And I could have so easily gone with ‘Hate’.
#SadAlphabet

I is for Igloo
Sometimes you just want to go and live in one, far away from anything, and live on fish until you die.
#SadAlphabet

J is for Jewellery.
Some of it quite expensive, actually.
What a waste of money.
#SadAlphabet

K is for Kilt,
Like the one I was going to wear
On my wedding day
Because my great-great-grandfather or something
Was Scottish
#SadAlphabet

L is for Love
That elusive thing
That you hold in your hand
So briefly
Blink
And someone has stolen it from you
And made off in their tacky little sports car
With it.
#SadAlphabet

M is for Middle of the Afternoon
That time you come home at
Unexpectedly
To everyone’s surprise
And your life falls apart
#SadAlphabet

N is for Nose
Waiting to be punched
I wish I had
While I had the opportunity
As you were covering your
Downstairs area
With both hands.
One would have done, surely?
From what I saw.
#SadAlphabet

O is for Ordinary
As in Ordinary Bloke.
I’m an ordinary bloke
I have ordinary bloke needs.
Is that a crime?
It didn’t mean anything.
#SadAlphabet

P is for Petrol Station
The flowers are fine,
Actually.
And it’s the thought that counts
Surely?
#SadAlphabet

Q is for Quiche.
Two portions gone.
Two plates on the kitchen counter.
Janice, you said.
What an idiot I am.
Janice, the well-known vegan
#SadAlphabet

R is for Remora
Those nasty little parasitic fish that kind of hang off of bigger fish
Waiting to pick up the scraps the bigger fish
Are momentarily less than attentive to
For various reasons
#SadAlphabet

S is for Stag Do
Ok, I admit
Shit went down.
Don’t blame me.
Blame Dave!
He organised the whole thing
Goddamit!
#SadAlphabet

T is for Time
Like Cher
I wish I could turn it back.
What a numpty.
#SadAlphabet

U is for Ultimatum
My advice
2 U:
Don’t give one
Unless you can take it.
#SadAlphabet

V is Veronica.
Yes, that was her name.
So if we’re even now
How come I’m left with
Fuck all?
#SadAlphabet

W is for Wedding.
I’ve got a sudden vacancy
If anyone’s interested
Hit me up
#SadAlphabet

X is for… Ex
Or bloody xylophone.
What the fuck has a xylophone
Got to do
With all this?
#SadAlphabet

Y Oh Why oh why?
#SadAlphabet

Z is for Zoo.
Learn from my mistakes,
People.
Sauce for the goose,
Is sauce for the gander.
This is nothing to do with zoos,
Unless it’s a zoo
With geese.
#SadAlphabet

I have threaded these together in a Moment if you want to read them in the right order. twitter.com/i/moments/1105…