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I seriously don't know what's worse, bachelorette party tourists or NFL draft tourists
quick romcom pitch: redneck bride-to-be travels to Nashville for bachelorette party, goes to Buffalo Wild Wings and is swept off her feet by 47 year old fat dude in Atlanta Falcons jersey who lives with his mom
in the climactic sex scene, he's monitoring Mel Kiper's Best Remaining Picks on the hotel TV while she takes his virginity
In the afterglow, as she sleeps off their night of passion and Jager bombs, he dials in to AM 1280 The Score to announce their love and slam the Falcons for not drafting to address their need at edge rusher
And we have a working title
I'm sorry, but when I see NFL draft tourists, I see a bunch of people without the courage to become Furries
OK, back to the plot: her fiance hears the love announcement on The Score, becomes enraged, races to Nashville, and bursts into their room at Red Roof Inn. In a panic, Falcon Bro has to reinvent himself as her gay friend who came for the bachelorette party
Leery of Falcon Bro's story, fiance demands to join the bachelorette party and monitor him while they pedal a bar through the streets of Nashville wearing penis tiaras
unfortunately the streets of Nashville are filled with ESPN NFL draft coverage big screens, and the Falcons are on the clock. Unable to contain himself when the Falcons get a mid-round steal at edge rusher, Falcon Bro jumps out of his pedal tavern seat and cheers wildly
fiance & girl look at each other
girl & Falcon Bro look at each other
fiance & Falcon Bro look at each other
swelling music as fiance, too, is a Falcon Bro, and also realizes their need at edge rusher
Pedal tavern crashes into the river
girl & Falcon Bro look at each other
fiance & Falcon Bro look at each other
swelling music as fiance, too, is a Falcon Bro, and also realizes their need at edge rusher
Pedal tavern crashes into the river
Cue "Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong" as Falcon Bro carries Fiance from the river, leaving the drunk bachelorette girls behind. They march to the ESPN tent and are wed by Mel Kiper.
ROLL CREDITS
ROLL CREDITS
Why I'm not a Hollywood millionaire is a goddamn mystery I tell you what
dammit @THATAllenCovert make this happen
Casting targets:
Anna Kendrick as Bride-to-Be
Kevin James as Falcon Bro
Zac Efron as Fiance
Jason Mamoa as Best Available Edge Rusher
Benedict Cumberbatch as Mel Kiper Jr
Anna Kendrick as Bride-to-Be
Kevin James as Falcon Bro
Zac Efron as Fiance
Jason Mamoa as Best Available Edge Rusher
Benedict Cumberbatch as Mel Kiper Jr
I'm ready for my closeup, Mr DeMille
