Recorded at 9AM EST
DT: Good morning, Vlad. Did I wake you up?
VP: Iz afternoon here, Don.
DT: Really?
VP: Yez, really! What’s up?
DT: Did you get that guy Mueller’s report I sent you?
DT: Did you read it?
VP: Not yet. I’m having it translated.
DT: Yeah, me too. But they told me we’re totally in the clear. The guy really delivered!
VP: You sure about that? Who told you?
DT: That fellow Barr you recommended – thanks for the tip, BTW
DT: I’m in the market for a retirement home. You still got that place in the South? Near Odessa?
VP: Odessa?? Odessa iz in Ukraine, Don, iz not in Russia!
DT: Really? Okay, but you DO have a place in the South, right?
VP: Oh. I get it. You mean my country cottage at Cape Idokopas, right?
DT: Cape WHAT?
VP: Forget it. What about my dacha?
DT: wanna sell it? I saw some really nice pics of it.
VP: WHAT? There are no PIGS in my dacha!
VP: Ah, okay. What about my dacha?
DT: Wanna sell it? I’m looking for a retirement home.
VP: Why would I sell? And even if I would, how the fuck you pay for it?
DT: No need to get nasty, boss. I was just asking.
DT: Don’t worry, boss. I got a plan.
VP: I fucking know you got a plane. What about my money?
DT: Huh? No, not plane – PLAN, boss, PLAN.
DT: Much better, boss. I talked to that chink, Shi Zhu, or whatever his name is?
VP: WHAT? You talk to Chinese dog?? I told you to stay off the Adderall!
VP: Jeezus Christ! You mean Xi Jinping!
DT: I guess so. Anyway, he is the top dog. That much I know.
VP: So what about him?
DT: He’s gonna pay me BIG for letting him take Taiwan.
VP: Up front?
VP: Whatever! Nice talk, Don. Gotta run.
End of call.