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Uncle Stephen @ItsUncleStephen
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You know what’s beautiful about the first time you fall in love? The complete innocence of it all. The rush of emotions, the happiness, the seeing their face in your eba when you eat.

The first time is always wonderful, and this is a story about mine.

Issa thread
As if being in love wasn’t enough, the object of my affection was named “Ifunanya” kee me

Till date, as is the case with love, i can’t explain exactly what about her roped me in.

I can remember how whenever the bell for break rang, immense joy filled me Cos oh here she comes
Everything felt special with her. A hug wasn’t a hug, it came with electricity that zapped my entire being with excitement, leaving me with warmth.

A smile wasn’t a smile. Babe had my full Mumu remote containing several buttons with which did inexplicable things to me
A kiss wasn’t a kiss. Our first time was my first time and brethren, after hinting my mates that I had been orally disvirgined, I went home with a joy that no man could take away. How can you ask me to brush my mouth? Are you mad? That strong stench is nothing but true love abeg
Even at home the day of my first kiss, 4th July(yes I remember the date bite me) MUmsI noticed something was different. I was scrubbing the back of pot with so much kiss inspired vigor, a chore I wouldn’t be caught dead doing on a normal day. What’s up she asked?

Nothing ma
As ONOS will say when you are head over heels for a person, “I don monkey for the babe” I could do anything. I would steal popsi’s GSM phone during 9’oclock news just to say some sweet nothings and hear her say “don’t forget sucre, I love you”

Hei! My heart will do gbishgbish
After two years in jets club, I switched to drama club for her under the guise of I was doing sciences in class and I wanted to explore my artistic side. Na so! I wanted to see her face and read her my poems. Roses are red,violets are blue,why else am I happy If not for you
Nothing makes you proud than when your babe exits her clique once you just position at one corner. When she stands atop mountain Everest and shouts testimonies of her love for you. It was a vis-a-vis bursting of dada between me and her. I grow she burst,she grow I burst.

Oh ❤️
I remember Valentine’s Day. A young G was starving himself, saving money to buy my beau gift.

I needed to starve; yes love is pain.

She deserved a gift; Love is giving.

I recruited progress to go with me, who suggested I buy Panties and a teddy bear.
No worry Stevo he said to me. I get customer wen dey sell nice nice pant she go like am trust me. After staring at him whathefuckerly like why do you have a pant guy and no my G I can never trust you ever, I opted for a wrist watch and Progress’ teddy bear and she loved it
All she gave me was a note

“As time runs forever so will my love for you”

Hey God! Baby girl kill me. I saved that note which funny enough I still have till date

It was all perfect and sweet and we had even planned children’s names sef. You know how these things go
I remember a time where it had been diagnosed that I might be having an appendix operation. I told her and she seemed ok with it only for her cousin to call me next day like what happened? That she had been crying all night. Kai! E sweet me. Dem Dey cry for me. Awwwwn
In 1st year, I heard that the school’s principal had found out about us. Her father and the principal had attended the same uni so he treated her like his.

She had been flogged at the assembly and had yet declared no one but Stephen oiye-eheheh

Hey my chest! I was proud
Love that could withstand pain and did not deny its own. She was it. I had planned our marriage even. I couldn’t wait for the next year for her to get admitted to uni then we would be two university love birds, Peter and Paulette sitting on a love wall free to fly away wherever.
She didn’t get admission the next year and I was sad. All our Bonnie and Clyde plans had been totally destroyed. Only for her parents to decide out of the blues to send her for a pre-degree program first. Once more our eleventh hour lord had come through again. Amem?
That 1st semester was a thing of beauty. The freedom. I would travel to Enugu to see her, she would come to owerri. Our love had graduated from Goodbye at the gate of her father’s house to good morning beautiful as we wake up side by side. Oh so sweet so cute
It was even at this time that from kissing it graduated to you know you know you know...................

It was... no! Words can’t describe it. And I won’t even try.

Everything was a blissful as can be, as happy as can be, and then it happened...
If you’ve been serially heartbroken you know the pattern.

The phone calls drop.
Unnecessary quarrels
Deliberate avoidance, etc

But as is always the case with me, none of this happened. It was all fine and dandy till I got an SMS. I still remember the contents till date
Steve, I can’t do this anymore. You’re perfect. You’re everything. But I just don’t want us anymore. I’m sorry.

It was October. 7months late if it was intended as an April fools prank.

I called 2million times and she didn’t pick.
My temperature rose immediately. I started seeing double. A stream found home in my eyes and flowed freely. It was too real a dream. I called again. She picked and reiterated the same thing in a stone cold voice. I died! I did the only logical thing to me then.

I started walking
I walked a distance almost equivalent to ikeja from festac. And I didn’t realize. I just kept walking and crying and crying. Luckily for me, I had some money to transport myself back. If not I for cry both from trekking back Pains and heart break
I couldn’t fathom it. Why? How? We were just naming our future kids the other day. How manage? I kept calling. I told her I would be heading to her school so we could at least talk. I deserved more than an SMS. She agreed and I set out for Enugu. Fadalawd change her heart pls
I got there, got to my friends place, dropped my things and headed straight for her hostel. I had it all planned out. What to say, how to beg, I would do anything.

I got there and called. I kept calling from 2pm till 10pm in front of her hostel and brethren she didn’t pick
That night, I couldn’t sleep. I kept crying. Wazzgoing On? Where is the love? Even when I slept, I had the nightmare of nightmares. Everything was pursuing me. Love, cat, dog, masquerade, even OBJ the then president. Then I resumed crying again. 7AM I was back at her hostel
Due to an incident earlier, Boys had a temporary visitation ban so all I could do was sit at the garden,continue calling and waiting.Each hour I waited, my soul melted.I kept asking myself what did I do?Had I said the last I love you a bit too much? Shoulda used a lower tone?
Brethren, I stayed in that school for 3days and got no audience.Her friends came and begged me to go. That she just couldn’t talk now. I should give it time. My friends were angry, “leave that school stevo.if person too tey for toilet e go forget say shit Dey smell” ONOS said
Ah! No! This wasn’t my Ifunanya.The one i love does not have wickedness as her name.

In cases like this, it’s the hope that kills.The thought that maybe a miracle is on the way and only delayed by small traffic.I stayed an extra day, nothing.

I packed my broken heart and left
In the bus back to Owerri, I couldn’t hold the waterfall. All my be a man be a man fell on deaf ears; It rained and poured. People kept asking what happened. My dog died. Yes my dog bingo. Oh! Adieu bingo you were a good one i wailed. Ah bingo-Ifunanya so this is goodbye?
In school, i was a wreck. I relocated to a friend’s house in town. I had plenty crying to do.

I cried. Then I cried that I was crying. Then cried cos I was crying that I was crying. I would see my mirror crying face and cry that she was making me cry.

It was a cry-inception
Heartbreaks are funny. Every song triggers you. Don’t even dare all those Westlife and others of their ilk that period. It’ll feel like your face inspired the song. All them fool again, unbreak my heart etc aswear even Xtian songs like because he lives and boom waterworks start
I tried so many things to keep my sanity. Tried to smoke, rebound sex, school politics, anything except crying Cos tears had finished.

Nothing worked save for one one thing; Time.

Slowly, the hurt dulled, I wished her the best. I moved on.

3 years Later, in final year......
I got a call. She was in my school. She came to see a friend. She would want for us to see and maybe gist If I didn’t mind.

“You know what? Screw you! Burn in the hottest part of hell Ifunanya. I’ll never see you. Just go away”
Was what I wanted to say but I said ok no problem
The heart is an odd thing.

It beat excitedly at the thought of seeing her again, then beat with rage as my brain recalled all I had been through. But In truth, there was more excitement than rage. I day dreamed. What was she like now? Maybe this and maybe that then she knocked
Have you felt your heart melt? Like feel it turn from a beating muscle to a mass of jelly in your chest. Damn she looked good. Was even more soft spoken about her and man I was taken. My heart was doing gbish gbish again and I was disappointed in myself. What’s this rubbish Steve
As at when she came, I was a popular MC in school and I took her to some shows in school and we were back to laughing and playing like old times. That week was beautiful. I felt 16 again. Damn! She stayed over for 3 nights in the week. The morning she would leave, we hugged and
Somehow our lips found each other. It was intense, a portal into the past when kissing wasn’t just kissing between us, more like a communion, a worship for the gods of love.
Stop! She said distancing herself from me, heading straight to pick her bags.
In my nollywood I’m in love sounding voice I asked her what it was. You can’t deny we still feel for each other. At least I do. This week has been blissful we could try again. Let’s see how it goes. You hurt me and I don’t know why but....

“ I have a boyfriend” she cut in......
It cut me. And all of a sudden I could piece the reason for the tiny hesitation here and there during the week. The hidden calls etc.
Then why? Why did you do it i asked as she left my door

With a tear in her eye, “ Nothing. I just woke up and I don’t know.” she replied.
It had always been a mystery. Her friends my friends had scouted and snooped and back then she didn’t have another person. That even broke me more and sometimes you think time heals wounds when it barely just covers it Cos in my chest I felt a fresh pain as raw as the first time
Nah! That week shouldn’t have happened. Such joy just to be ripped away. But that’s the thing about hurt when you’ve experienced it before. I consoled myself knowing It May hurt now but it would pass.And sometimes this is why people hurt us.They know that even if later,it’ll end
Four years Later, man was a full fledged Lagos bachelor. Living alone, riding car and updating adulthood is a scam on social media. I go to the see my parents at the outskirts of Lagos where they live and I get a call from an unfamiliar number

It’s Ifunanya. Can we see?
Her parents had moved to where mine lived too and she had gotten wind that I was around.
See ba? No wahala! We hooked up, talked. She commented at how I was now a big boy making all the oil money and in true nigerianese I responded “Na God”

Took her home, date ended
We saw say 2 more times as I was around for about two weeks and a day to leaving, she told me to meet her at an entirely different place. Ok no problem. I got the direction, said thanks! On the D-day, I drove to agreed Venue, called her to ask where are you and a man walked to me
Hi,Stephen right? Yes Stephen! I’m Felix. Ifunanya’s fiancée. Can we just have a seat and have a drink?

I kept asking myself. Did someone go to hellfire and change my name to my friend Progress. who such unfortunate happenings were a normal thing for

Wazzaldis bikonu?
A drink ba? Ok na Nothing spoil no wahala! I said! We sat down, I ordered a cold Heineken to help calm my boiling heart. Over drinks, baba poured out his heart. That he orchestrated this meeting Cos he just wanted to meet this wonderful Stephen Ifunanya speaks of always
He went on and on about how she always said good things about me how I was the best how this how that and how knowing her who found it hard to open up to people he really couldn’t pass of the chance to meet me and just be friends. I’m there sitting like you don’t mean it
Wait! She didn’t tell you she ate my heart like kolanut and spat it out in bitterness. I’m wonderful? I’m nice? Hey Jesus come and see.
I was doing a million calculations a second.

To be fair, Felix seemed genuine. Genuinely loved her and wanted to be my friend Not minding.
She showed up mid way and I put up my poker face and we all laughed and he even apologized privately if this was awkward for me to which I said no na, for what?

Triple date abi what will we call it over? We elected to go home. I went with her, baba went his different way
On the drive home, a tear leaked down my eye. I even noticed her ring which I hadn’t before then. A million things crossed my thought. In front of her house I broke the silence.
Ifunanya what was that? What’s all this? What are you doing to me? Why? What’s the End game? Tell me
Steve I never stopped loving you. Haven’t even stopped now. I’ve watched you grow. Prayed for you even. I cried the day I said it was over cried even more after i left your school. I know you want to believe there’s more but as at when I called it quit I had no reason.
I won’t even blame it on being young. You didn’t deserve the hurt. True I’ve never stopped talking about you Cos you still feel like the best thing to have happened to me...... she said these and many others as tears flowed freely from her eyes
Next thing she grabbed my face, and kissed me. I made to resist I actually resisted but my lips was still planted deeply in the kiss. No! This was another man’s wife to be. I pulled away and almost pulled right back in but thank jah oh my strength I didn’t
I’ll never stop loving you Stephen. She said and alighted from my car.

You love me you this and that yet you left me. Now you love me but you’re marrying someone else. I wasn’t down for such confusion Abeg that my mumu remote you have, the ba3 must die and it will loss Abeg
I drove home and firmly Ignored every other reachout from her and didn’t go to the wedding even when Felix as my G kept on and on about me coming.

I couldn’t trust myself. Couldn’t trust my emotion not to burst out but I love you and then make PM newspaper please eh no
Love emotions and other accessories to it are a tricky thing. Hard to understand hard to process. Why do people feel for who Dey feel why do they hurt? How do you still feel for someone who has hurt you, how do you put yourself together and love again.
But then again sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants. I couldn’t explain, can’t still explain her deal with me maybe y’all can try. I saw the other day on facebook her first baby was named something we had always joked and agreed on. Coincidence? You tell me
Thanks a lot for your wishes on my birthday yesterday. I really love and appreciate it. Decided to do a different kind of story today not every time laughter. so share your thoughts, and your experience with heartbreak and or/your first love

With love
Uncle Stephen
Join us next week Friday as always 6pm, pardon the lateness on today’s episode, for a fresh #talesbytweetlight and check my likes for past episodes
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