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1/ @NAMICommunicate Hi. This month I would like to do three things: 1) open the 60K word book file that I failed to hand in to the publisher about "strength and death (at least open). Anyone would be angry with me: after all, 60K words, the book is done. But the story is not.
2) Start to tell the new things I learned as a scientist and from the 2nd accidentally survived attempt. I was wrong and so is most of the research on suicide, which is the reason it is taking such a drastic turn in terms of #suicide etiology
3) Change the narrative. While keep on confronting guilt trips and debunking harmful popular assumptions, I think there is a way to share the suicidal "condition" experience and how it is never over. I truly believe this is important.
4) While I managed to review the literature and find the gaps, I failed to identify a trend I am only now seeing tangentially treated in research. People like me don't raise red flags but we *are* suicidal. It was a bad mistake to make a hero out of me in mainstream media.
5) Yes, there was rape, constant abuse in an extremist organization (after all, under a far-right dictatorship, kids often fall prey to what sounds like a great alternative without realizing the fake revolutionaries are not committed to justice at all).
6) There was no magic bullet like I believe and the press bought into. Lifting weights "saved my life" for a while because of the moments of altered consciousness, egolessness that it provided. It also exposed me to danger through group anti-ethical and cruel behavior.
7) I have to tell this story. I know that. It's not going to make me do it faster to stress its importance (I *know* it). I am now in a valley: I cleared my goal board. It's empty. I shared this with my S.O. and my daughter and now I'm sharing it publicly.
8) After one of my articles, I had email feedback from a reader who described how reading the article saved his life at the precise moment he was going to kill himself. It's possible. It's also ironic.
9) It's time a scientist like myself told the story. Not like Kay Jamison: I admire her but her agenda is not mine. I believe in studying the phenomenon in its complexity and educating everyone about it. It will prevent the preventable cases. Some cases are just harder.
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