Thread by @fanf42

@purpleidea @martinkrafft raised a lot of very good points, and I want to emphasis one more: it really depends of your goal. I encounter 3 main categories, plus one preliminary question.

@purpleidea @martinkrafft Preliminary question: does it really matters (for your personal relationship, your business, or some firm of social group, typically floss ecosystem)? Or is it just some ego battle, he said/you said thing, or troll?

@purpleidea @martinkrafft On the case of some form if ego battle, or obvious troll, the best thing with your time is certainly to disengage and spend your time on better activity.

@purpleidea @martinkrafft Especially in the case of some troll, especially with extremism ideas, your best move is certainly to drop the conversation like that: (of course can't find back the post, but the idea is that they are better at arging and have more time, so just state the fact and move away)

@purpleidea @martinkrafft So, if it's a hill you will die on, is it a (1) one to one discussion or a public one? And in case of a public one, (2) does a technical/rational isuue is at hand, or (3) is it a social one? (nice trap: 2 morphing into 3)

@purpleidea @martinkrafft (1) In a 1-2-1, the important part is that both of you get out of the discussion with higher trust in each other to make further discussions possible and easier.

@purpleidea @martinkrafft So you need to emphasis with the person and understand why it reaches that point if view, question your own conclusions, and try to identify root causes of disagreement. The important is not to reach a conclusion now, is to be able to reach solutions in the futur.

@purpleidea @martinkrafft (2) in the case of technical dispute in a group, the best you can do is to remain focused on the problem, including social part having an influence on it (migration cost, change management, learning...).

@purpleidea @martinkrafft Then, try to propose holistic solution in context, hypothesis leading to the choice, and references. It will benefit the group and allow you to revise your decision once the context changed - these decision are always "given the actual state of our knowledge and work capacity"

@purpleidea @martinkrafft Finally, if you are in the middle of some sort of social drama, we'll sorry. The best move is perhaps to be the most inclusive possible, and avoid, even fight against, any "us vs them" syndrom.

@purpleidea @martinkrafft Also, try to be empathic and leave out technical questions of the discussion, it just don't work. Read some signal theory in economy, it helps.
Hope it helps! (and sorry for the long thread)

@purpleidea @martinkrafft @threadreaderapp please unroll