Thread by @MollyMcKew

I'm staying with a friend who has brought home some club girl who would be too dumb, as a box of rocks, to understand what a box or a rock is, and I'm considering live-tweeting how bad it is.

Enhanced club girl life, when English is not their first language, includes learning nonsensical idiomatic and colloquial language from some Soviet-era phrase book I think they must pass around, dog-earred and stained with hot lipstick shades of years past...

... So in between bursts of the nails-on-chalkboard laughter of a halfwit comes the very certain use of phrases meant to be smart.

"Yes this is the story of my life! Of my life!"

Pro-tip: the dumb ones are never worth the amount of bullshit theories and talking you are going to have to put up with because suddenly someone seems "interested" in what they have to say. It is not a winnable equation.

She just spent 10 minutes yelling that she couldn't pee because she thought he was listening and I think my IQ just dropped 15 points.

An even semi-smart random pick-up understands why you have invited them over at 5 am. It can be transactional. The dumb ones -- oh, they make you pay.

She's on the 5th or so "I heard somewhere" question to my friend -- as if really, she has come in search not of mediocre post-club sex but of an encyclopedia.

Each of these theories she is asking about is nonsense.

But at least she didn't even try "I read somewhere"

In middle of talking about -- no, seriously -- her theory on GRAVITY for 15 minutes, she started yelling something about her car. My friend let her out and I of course popped out to sass him.

Friend: Don't.

Me: I just wanted to know if you think about gravity.

Friend: what?

Me: she was talking to you about gravity for the last 20 minutes.

Friend: she was?

Me: yes.

Friend: I fell asleep hours ago.