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A question I hear from Christians all the time is: "Can I love LGBTQ people without being fully affirming?" A few thoughts:
I want to suggest that you might be asking the wrong question. When we love someone, the main questions we ask are not about our feelings about them or our beliefs about their situation.
When we love someone, especially someone whose experience differs significantly from ours, we do a whole lot of listening. We think about their overall health and well-being. We empathize. We try to imagine the questions and fears they've had to carry, the loneliness of it all.
We might even try to imagine what futures are available to them––real futures in this here physical world. Who will they list as their emergency contact for the next few decades? Who will they vacation with? Will they ever be touched for longer than the 1-2-3 pat hug?
If you love LGBTQ people, might I suggest questions like: How can I support you as you heal from the suffering you've endured in the church? How can I show up for you in tangible ways? You could ask what's encouraged them in their faith and then engage that material yourself.
Love draws us outside of ourselves and moves us to think of other people first. If we keep returning to questions that are about our beliefs or our experience of them, we might ask whether we truly love them or if we're just trying to manage our anxiety about them.
We will spend the rest of our lives learning how to love other people. I am failing to love some people well right now. But as each of us seeks to grow in love, I hope we'll continually ask ourselves what it looks like to move beyond love in our imagination to love in practice.
