Thread by @hacks4pancakes

Can we have a small chat for a minute? (1/?)

So, I’m personally of a mind that it’s fine to form a personal friendship / relationship with someone you met in a professional context, if it’s done in a mutually respectful and responsible way! 🍸🥃

There are definitely many ways to push it way too far, though.

Every so often we run into someone who takes flirting / advances / not taking “no” for an answer way too far at a con or security meetup. Often, alcohol is involved. Sometimes they’re in the clear position of power and just shouldn’t be doing it at all. It makes an impression.

Here’s the thing. Our field is relatively small. We are very likely to run into that guy or gal again professionally, eventually. Who knows how the context and dynamics will change? Then we are stuck in a painful, unenviable position.

Do we interface with that person? Tell colleagues we can’t - and be “that person”? People do change, and it’s hard for us to know if they have or have not. All of a sudden, it’s up to us to keep ourselves safe while balancing not being over-judgmental about a mistake in the past.

All I suggest is that when you decide you’re going to initiate a personal relationship with a guy or girl from a professional context, consider how you’re approaching it and if it’s at all appropriate for the current situation. Make sure you’re both clearly on the same page.

If you make someone feel unsafe, it doesn’t matter if it happens at a bar at 1 AM, at lobbycon, or in the talks. If it feels “off”, they say “no”, or you’re unsure, keep it professional. We all have to live with one another later.

A career is a long time, & impressions matter.